Social services

[Louiee11]

Need some advice for my friend
So she’s currently 38 weeks pregnant and she’s got social involvement with this pregnancy due to her last child but it’s all getting better
She’s recently got in touch over call with her old mate in prison and been in touch for few days she’s worried that it’s now gonna go against her
he’s in prison for class a or b drugs
He isn’t the baby’s father at all
Does anyone know what would happen or if they would find out ?

OP as her friend you should be encouraging her to stay as squeaky clean as possible.
I know you can’t tell her what to do but this is shocking behaviour from a grown woman.

A woman starting/trying to start a relationship with a man whilst she’s pregnant is a massive red flag.

The fact that he’s in prison is even worse.

The fact that she reached out to him shows how desperate she is.

Why would she care more about a man in prison (who will ditch her as soon as he gets out) over her own child.

Does she not want this child?

The social worker could ask the prison for call records.

Problem is she don’t think till she knows it’s to late , yes course she wants this child she’s reached out to me to come on here as she’s worried the damage is already done and that ss will find out now

Take your relationship with her out of it and look at it as a social worker.

You've been advised by people who work in this field that sometimes prisoners contacts are flagged so that's how the Social workers may come to know about this. There's also the potential that come September she'll be stupid enough to see him in person when he's released so it seems possible that that's another way they would find out.

A single parent who has been previously been found to be neglectful enough to require the removal of their child, and who has never regained residential parent status, has had another child and during the pregnancy has initiated contact with a prisoner convicted of drug offences and then started a relationship with them, presumably with the intent of one day having them be part of her child's life.

If you were reading that story about someone you didn't know, would you think they were showing good or bad parenting decisions?

How would the social worker know to call the prison if my mate don’t mention anything ?

So your "friend", who has already lost one child, is pregnant (which is for a relatively short amount if time in the scheme of things), and instead of concentrating her energy and limited amount of time to prepare and give this new child the best chance of staying with her- has instead put her energy into striking some of relationship up with someone from her past that is in prison?

This is seriously depressing. Her prioritised are screwed to be blunt and you need to tell her that.

They will find out to answer your question.

She would know full well that any continuation of relationship, especially when he leaves prison will mean she is highly likely to lose this child too.

So why is she wasting her time worrying about this- if she genuinely wants the best chance of keeping her child she will cut him off and not look back, it can't develop into anything further unless she puts him before her child.

You have had that answer several times from several different people.
They could find out for many different reasons-
a - the prison/probation service inform SS
b - somebody else tells SS (friend,family etc)
c - one of his friends/family tell SS as they are concerned for the children

When you put your children first (especially when already being supported by SS) you don’t have friendships with criminals.

Really the problem is she is pregnant with another man's baby and trying to form some sort of relationship with a man in prison. Also drugs is still bad . That's not exactly the type of person you want around children .
Sounds like she isn't really ready for this child either .

How would the social worker know to call the prison if my mate don’t mention anything ?

Because OP as a PP has said; the prison will be reviewing who he is in contact with, through phone, letters, whatever.

If there is a safeguarding issue, which there will be as there is a child involved, they can potentially pass this information on to relevant partner agencies (social services etc)

Is that the only way ss would find out if the contact is flagged ?
I’ve tried talking to her in a mother of 3 with no ss involvement but she does stuff then realises till it’s too late …

The best thing your friend could do is stop contact, and be honest with her SW. If she tells SS that she has had this contact, didn’t think it through but now knows it’s stupid and she is not going to contact him anymore, then that will look better than SS finding out another way.

Why does it matter?

You’ve been told by multiple people with experience that they can find out and most likely will.

Why does it matter how they find out?

It seems you care more about getting ideas for how to stop her getting caught, than the poor unborn baby.

No it's not the only way, honestly if I knew who she was I'd call Social Services now and tell them, as I'm sure would her ex who has his 9 yr old daughters welfare to think of, or someone who knows and doesn't like the bloke in prison and wants to cause trouble, or someone else in her life who thinks it's a concern.

You SHOULD notify Social Services. i can understand you feel loyalty to your friend but she is endangering the welfare of this child before its even born and your responsibility as a human being is to those who can't protect themselves.

So there are lots of avenues by which this could become known to the Authorities, and the fact that she is worried that it will should be enough to tell her she needs to break contact immediately and permanently. The fact that she isn't says a lot.

Where is the new baby’s father?

Do social services know this man in prison eg has she been involved with him before?

It sounds like a relationship is developing between her and this man. I don’t think that is wise.

I don’t know if social services can find out about a one-off phone call but if she builds up a relationship with him and wants to see him when he gets out, then I would think social services would be interested.

She is silly to have contacted him tbh and it sounds like she is looking for more than a friend.

Dear Friend in Jail,

I am sorry about this but

As you know I am about to give birth to my second child.

My first was removed from me and now lives with her dad.

As a result I have SS involvement.

Because of this any contact with you may affect where my child lives.

If I am able to satisfy the SS that I can care for my child and you are able to stay out of trouble then it would be possible we could be in contact in a few years from now

Yours.........

No ss isn’t aware off this man
they call once or twice a day but I don’t know what else I can do for her ….

Dear god what is it with some people? actively doing themselves damage!
She's 38 weeks pregnant and is getting involved with a drug dealer who is in prison, has she no common sense?
Does she want to keep this new baby or is a man more important?

You do this:

Tell her to stop contact with him and have an honest discussion with SS.
If she doesn’t stop contact, then you need to tell SS.

Yes I will for her sake
but if I don’t contact them and she still has contact , what’s the chances ss will find out before hand ?

Why does it matter if you’re going to speak to ss yourself anyway? Which, by the way, is the right thing to do, not so much for her sake as for her poor unborn baby.

That has been answered already!!!
It is highly highly likely they will find out.

You're not telling us the whole story OP, because nothing you're saying is making sense.

It is very easy to make a disclosure request for prison records. Your friend needs to work on herself and put her child first so she doesn’t need to worry about SS “finding out”.

Hi I was also a very young parent too with my first (under 16 young). Now pregnant with my second I can't see how they'd possibly find out she is talking to him. That aside I don't think it's good to be involving yourself with a criminal involved in drugs when expecting a baby very soon.

Because I only will if I know she’s carrying on I’m not gonna inform them anytime soon …. That’s why I asked will ss find out before hand