Social services

[Louiee11]

Need some advice for my friend
So she’s currently 38 weeks pregnant and she’s got social involvement with this pregnancy due to her last child but it’s all getting better
She’s recently got in touch over call with her old mate in prison and been in touch for few days she’s worried that it’s now gonna go against her
he’s in prison for class a or b drugs
He isn’t the baby’s father at all
Does anyone know what would happen or if they would find out ?

Because it’s someone she’s considering spending time with, either as a friend or future partner. Consequently then it’s someone who will be around her child.

She needs to raise her bar honestly. Have higher standards for her child (and herself!).

Dusting off my PhD in the bleeding obvious.

If you are in a situation where SS might get involved with my children for child protection issues why give them any ammunition?

Talking to a Druggy in Jail whose calls are monitored isnt exactly a wise move under the circumstances.

The thing is @Louiee11 they are mostly NOT horrible comments. They are very, very, factual comments, with very bad news for the Mother in this situation, who wants to pursue a relationship with the prisoner, when he gets out.

She may not want to hear what people are saying, but SS have a duty of care to children of struggling parents . Sometimes, they make mistakes and kids die, or suffer huge emotional trauma, which they never fully recover from, but they help lots of families/children who don't fall through the cracks in the system. In this situation it is to be hoped that SS are on the ball for the sake of the new baby and the existing child. Also for the sake of the Mother, believe it or not.

Regardless of who of who it is it really worth the risk.

Also often if a family is involved with social services people who are involved with the family . That could be regular friends family members etc . Social services do checks on everyone over the age of 18.

It’s you op
but if it’s not
your thread should be about how to persuade your friend to focus on her baby and not a prisoner

I think this is about you, not a friend.
To you the point is will Social Services find out, or can you safely conceal the fact that you are in some form of relationship with an offender whose offences were serious enough to be sentenced to imprisonment.
You are asking the wrong question and the way you're asking this is a red flag.
If you are going to be a parent who can do the minimum safe parenting, you must put your child first, all the time. Every thing you do must be filtered through that lens.

If she wants to keep this child she has to stay squeaky clean. Has she ever taken drugs herself?

Hi OP. I work in a job where I work with pregnant women and work very closely with social services.
There is more to this story than your friend is telling you.
SS do not have to be involved in a pregnancy just because there is previous involvement, unless there is ongoing or new concerns. If the previous concerns were no longer a concern then a referral to SS just because she is pregnant again wouldn’t happen, or certainly wouldn’t be accepted.

So yes if there is current concerns so that SS are involved it is highly likely they will find out about this contact, and it will not look good at all. In terms of a timeframe, there is no set timeframe, they could already know, or they could find out in days/weeks/months.

As a friend you are better off supporting her to protect herself and her child and to not contact anybody who will flag as a concern to SS. It’s irrelevant if and how and when SS will find out.

They got involved due to her last child as she couldn’t cope and was down to neglect she was 16 and the time and they want to make sure it don’t happen again

OP I have worked in prisons and still work in criminal justice now.
Many of these men are decent and have just made mistakes.

I do not judge them (depending on the crime and circumstances) or the people who are in relationships with them.

But even I think your friend is being incredibly stupid.

Your friend is 38 weeks pregnant and is talking to a man - she should be focusing on herself and getting ready for the new baby.
Even if he wasn’t in prison, I would be shocked that any pregnant woman would be doing this.

If he had been released from prison a couple of years ago, then I’d still avoid him if I had SS involvement but the fact that he’s still in prison is of course going to raise red flags.

Your friend does not sound fit to be a parent without SS involvement and they will absolutely take this seriously, because it is.

They will very likely find out because he’s in prison.
If he was already out and not on tag or license then it would be less likely but him being still in prison does mean they’ll likely find out.

How long has he got left?
Why did she contact him in the first place?

I do hope they know each other well as IME these men will talk to anyone because they need love and a distraction.
A few weeks after getting out though, they don’t want anything to do with the new woman.

I genuinely can’t understand why your friend would choose a man over her own child, let alone a man that’s in prison and she can’t even have a relationship with.

How old is her first child and is that child still in the care of your friend or were they removed?

I’m sorry OP but that just doesn’t happen. If she has her elder child in her care, is now coping etc they wouldn’t get involved.

She contacted originally to see how he was doing in prison as they were mates before he got locked up and then it started gradually going from there
how would social find out that they have been contacting eachother
he is in there till September I believe

Her first child is 9 she’s in her fathers care but she sees her child more regular now

OP why are you completely missing the points about supporting and encouraging your friend to not contact him?
All you seem to care about is that she is going to get found out, rather than why she shouldn’t be contacting him in the first place.

Well that wasn’t sensible
starting contact with a prisoner
when you’re pregnant
and have had extensive past SS Involvement

honestly this is just depressing

Her older child isn’t in her care she’s in her fathers care

This makes more sense as to why SS are involved again as her other child is not in her care.

So she is deemed unfit to care for her

I can’t physically stop her I’ve tried explaining and this is where I’ve come for answers because she’s stressing all she wants to know is if ss are gonna find out or not and if so how will they find out

No she had her in her care till her child was a year old but she struggled a lot and due to her family history it all got ontop off her but she still sees her child and it’s getting better

Well yes you have answers.
They will find out one way or another.
How and when differs.
She needs to stop contact with him and put her child and unborn child first.

How will they find out ?
she knows her children always come first but she just wanted to speak to a mate from prison

38 weeks pregnant, already lost custody of one kid by the sounds of it and spending her energy on some bloke who's in prison who she 'likes'.

It's really not a mystery why there's SS involvement is it? Sounds like they need to be more involved to me.

And yes, high liklihood she'll be found out. Calls are recorded. Letters are reviewed. If she's actually been stupid enough to visit, a heavily pregnant woman rocking up to visit a 'friend' will set off every alarm going.

Well she either wants to keep the new baby or she doesn't. Striking up a friendship with someone serving a sentence for drugs is not going to help her, whether social services find out or not.
She knows it's wrong which is presumably why she's now worried about it being found out.