Baby Led Parenting

[Rhubarb]

Yup. The baby is the boss and they will tell you what to do. You feed them when they cry, they'll sleep when they want, do what they want when they want to do it. If you want to experience true, pure and natural parenting then this is what you do.

No mention of the African tribes who tie crying babies to trees to discourage them from crying and giving their location away to enemy tribes. No mention of feeding on demand in Ethopia because you don't have enough milk to sustain a baby for 4 hourly feeds. No mention of carrying the baby on you at all times because there are no prams and therefore not a lot else to do. Noooooo, these third world mothers really know how to bring up baby naturally and that is the way forward!

It's all bollocks isn't it?

So you're saying that babies shouldn't be fed when they're crying, because some people tie them to trees?

I'm afraid I'm not following the Causal Flow here.

No, I'm saying that all this "Baby-Led" fad is crap. Because these gurus take their inspirations from 'African tribes' and other third world tribes where parenting is said to be more natural. But this is very selective and they fail to say that the reason mothers carry their babies around with them everywhere is because they don't have any bloody choice! Same as sleeping with their children - they only have one bed ffs! In this day and age, in this civilised society, we have no need for all of that and this 'baby-led' crapness leads mothers pulling their hair out because they realise that at a year old their baby still won't sleep without mummy and daddy, will be clingy and demanding and have a poor routine.

I agree with you
It's like my mum saying 'yes in my day it was fine to put the moses basket on the back seat' or leave the baby in the pram while I did the weekly shop... times have changed...

Here's a novel idea - parent-led parenting! Whopper!

But those are two separate issues.

A mother carrying her baby everywhere because she can't afford a buggy isn't making any sort of choice.

But I've carried my babies everywhere and I could certainly afford a buggy. But I realised that mine were happy and settled when they were close to me. And at a year they were still happy and settled, and as they get older they're very confident and independent. It's worked very nicely for us.

I think the Western notion of trying to distance yourself from your tiny baby is weird - and I wouldn't be surprised if it weren't downright harmful for some babies.

I think there has to someway of meeting half way. IYKWIM

erm
bit lost there
times might have changed but babies haven't evolved to keep up, they really need to grow wheels then we wouldn't need to bother with prams at all

what's got your goat tonight then rhubarb?

Ah but Welliemum, would you write a book and encourage other mothers to do it because it worked for yours? Not only encourage them but put pressure upon them by saying things like "it's the natural way!" and anything else is "unnatural". And these people DO quote African nations and other third world countries because they countries somehow signify the most natural environment to bring up children, yet they conveniently miss out the starvation, disease and poverty issues.

So which book is this? Any good quote? - am quite happy to be disparaging with you about this.

lol at baby led parenting

I believe that cribs came about when babies sharing beds with their parents were rolled on and suffocated.

I am pleased to see you back btw.

But I'm never not in charge. The baby isn't ordering me about: it has needs, and I am meeting those needs to the best of my ability.

I think it's daft to regard a baby's sleeping and feeding patterns as a matter of parental discipline. And it would be just as daft for me to try and tell a baby when to be hungry and when to be tired. It's their body!

for the record, i've never seen anyone quote african tribes wrt baby led weaning in case you're thinking along those lines. isn't that natural tribal vibe more a continuum concept thing? (although not african).

imo any 'baby led' thing is always 'parent led' by definition, in the sense that the parent is the one making the decision to respond to their child or not, so there's not anything to get het up about unless you're just spoiling for a fight.

I think the problem is actually guru-led parenting.

Maybe i'm missing the your point here Rhubard but how can responding to your baby's needs ever be a bad thing regardless of whether those ideas are taken from African tribes or Mrs Smith at no. 30.

Who is to say what is the 'right' way to parent and what is the 'wrong' way to parent. IMO we all need to find our own way to parent ...and i really can't see why following your babys cues is a bad way?

I loved carrying dd in a sling sometimes, at other times she was perfectly happy in her pram. I doubt either of us would have been happy if I'd had to carry her constantly.

I think that it is a good idea to think of babies as very prmitive beings who have very basic but intense needs and to try to parent them by workingout how to meet those needs in a wa=y that works for you but I agree that it is foolish to say "ooh but in ..insert choice of developing nation.. they all do this so it must be most natural and best.".

well that's true, WT. but then there are a lot of women who aren't really confident about their abilities to be mothers to their children, which is sad but in a way evidence of how far we have gone in other terms, like career etc. imo so many people work to targets nowadays and like a pass/fail system that it has undermined their confidence to go with the flow and trust their instincts.

LOL at guru-led parenting.

What book are you referring to Rhubarb?

Agree with morocco, babies don't know that society has changed do they? They have needs and those needs must be met, and I strongly believe that in the long run you will not raise a child who is extra-clingy, but one who is more independent because he/she feels totally secure.

Anyway the really prescriptive baby books I know are all about strict routines, the attachment parenting type books I know (and I've read a few) are not prescriptive and "you must" type at all. Which one do you mean?

I get a bit jaded with plummy-upper-middle-class-dickhead-who-hasn't-got-kids-but-did-early-childhood-studies-and-hotel-man agement-at-West-Sussex-and-wrote-a-very-silly-book -led parenting

but lovely though it is to see you Rhubarb I think I'm going to watch from the sidelines on this one

completely agree with Wandering.

the best thing (IMO) is to respond to your baby. so if your baby is happy in a pram, put them in a pram. if your baby is happy in a sling, put them in a sling. if your baby is happy in both (as mine was for the first few weeks) then use both.

it's really not that difficult is it?

Africa is a very large continent with many countries, tribes and religions and their attitudes to puberty are distinctly disturbing in some areas and some will bring up babies in a nice way, and other have odd ideas (by our standards).
I wonder how and where these gurus find these tribes?
Not in Darfur or Nigeria I suspect.

I disagree. I've been doing baby-led parenting and it's going very well. I hadn't thought how I would parent before my dd came along but I found the best way was to fit in with her needs and it led to her finding her own routine very easily.

She refused to be put down so I carried her for the first 6 months. She breastfed on demand until she wanted to start solids at 13 months. We coslept until she got fidgity and didn't need me in the bed with her anymore, and now sleeps in her own bed right through the night. She's a very happy, content, calm almost-2-year old, and I believe this is because she has stayed so close to me and I have met all her needs.

I agree with welliemum about distancing yourself from your baby, babies need that closeness to form the best possible attachment to their parent(s).

so is there a new book out, rhubarb?

I love being bossed around by a baby.