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Parenting

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Original poster

Baby Led Parenting

309 replies

Rhubarb · 05/05/2008 21:40

Yup. The baby is the boss and they will tell you what to do. You feed them when they cry, they'll sleep when they want, do what they want when they want to do it. If you want to experience true, pure and natural parenting then this is what you do.

No mention of the African tribes who tie crying babies to trees to discourage them from crying and giving their location away to enemy tribes. No mention of feeding on demand in Ethopia because you don't have enough milk to sustain a baby for 4 hourly feeds. No mention of carrying the baby on you at all times because there are no prams and therefore not a lot else to do. Noooooo, these third world mothers really know how to bring up baby naturally and that is the way forward!

It's all bollocks isn't it?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

PeaGreene · 05/05/2008 22:10

Is this thread about "natural" parenting or is it about stupid gurus spouting crap about Africa? There seems to be some confusion.

yurt1 · 05/05/2008 22:10

I thought the continuum concept stuff evolved out of an anthropologist's observations of baby's in a South Ameican tribe - she noticed the differences between the children and those in the Sates and wrote about them.

chunkychips · 05/05/2008 22:12

I agree with rhubarb, I think to have any sort of semblance of normal life you have to guide them into doing what fits in with the rest of the family and its routines otherwise there's mayhem.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

theAfkaUrbanDryad · 05/05/2008 22:12

also - wrt Ethiopian mothers having to feed on demand because they can't make milk for 4 hourly feeds:

I don't know many women who can make milk adequately feeding on a strict 4 hourly schedule. In fact, the best way to establish a successful bresatfeeding relationship is to feed on demand.

So i'm a bit more

welliemum · 05/05/2008 22:13

Yes, possibly a side issue here, but "Africa" is not a country. There's no "African" method of parenting and I'd be very suprised if any book is suggesting that there is.

emkana · 05/05/2008 22:13

Very good point UrbanDryad. B/feeding just doesn't work like that.

cluelessnchaos · 05/05/2008 22:14

my problem with baby led parenting is that baby is in charge when parent should be, yes feed your baby when they want to but the whole smugness on baby led weaning is just bloody annoying. Get over yourselves and grow some balls. Make your parenting choices not the ones that you have read you should make.

LuckySalem · 05/05/2008 22:15

We started off "baby-led" but it didn't work for us as DD had to be held ALL THE TIME and it meant I had no time for me, even when she was sleeping in the day she had to be held if you tried to put her down she woke up and screamed so it meant I never got to eat or relax. She also co-slept but fitfully, she'd kick the crap outta me during the night and I would hardly sleep. So I found myself getting pretty badly depressed until my HV snapped me out of it and said it wouldn't hurt her to sit in her bouncy chair for 10 mins a day and gradually she's learned that mum loves her but can't hold her all day everyday. Now she loves her chair.
She also now has a routine that although isn't set in stone I try very hard to keep her to it and we are a much better team now.

AitchTwoCiao · 05/05/2008 22:15

yep, so that can't be what rhubarb's talking about presumably, yurt. has anyone read that book? apparently it hardly mentions childcare at all, it's a chapter at the most, but it really chimed with people at the time.
my baby was a sweetheart, really easy to deal with and a good sleeper so it was a genuine pleasure to follow what she wanted to do. i suppose if she'd been a nightmare i might have had to draw a line somewhere for my sanity, but it doesn't seem to me sensible to approach being a mother as a problem to solve or a person to defeat, iykwim? my male pal told me before dd was born that i should just try to 'enjoy it all' and that i shouldn't assume it was going to be hard. fortunately it wasn't, for us.

Martianbishop · 05/05/2008 22:15

I find it faintly irritating that some things are 'natural' and therefore 'must be', when the rest of our lives are totally un-natural.

How many of us live with and have support from our mothers/sisters/sils?

But people will happily extrapolate from cultures where this is the norm, and foist them on mums who live in relative isolation

Acinonyx · 05/05/2008 22:16

Human babies were being born for many thousands of years before prams and cots were invented. That is the environment in which they evolved, and it may be in some ways similar to some developing world lifestyles - but not necessarily since the developing world has actually moved on too.

Babies that didn't mind being left in a dark cave to sleep alone probably tended to become extinct. Babies that demanded constant care and frequent feeding probably got better care and more milk. So babies probably feel those things as genuine needs. It's not rocket science.

We are all free to adapt our parenting to modern life - but that's not the world a baby is adapted to be born into and it's useful to think about that.

theAfkaUrbanDryad · 05/05/2008 22:18

Smug is often in the eye of the beholder, Clueless

welliemum · 05/05/2008 22:19

So clueless, you're saying that as well as all the other parenting decisions I have to make, I should also take charge of my child's digestive system and dictate to them what and when they're permitted to eat?

I couldn't disagree more. In fact, to me, teaching a child to eat in order to please their parents sounds like a recipe for developing an unhealthy relationship with food.

WanderingTrolley · 05/05/2008 22:19

I think another big problem is an inability to accept that what's right for one family is wrong for another.

Attachment parenting is not for everyone and anyone who thinks it is probably has a limited experience of children. Some people are into the GF rigid routine type parenting and it works for them.

The problem is judging, which I never do, because people who judge are all mental.

AitchTwoCiao · 05/05/2008 22:43

"I think another big problem is an inability to accept that what's right for one family is wrong for another."

exactly, WT. what's the big deal here? and what is this book? which is the african tribe? or is this just a hit and run OP designed to get us all arguing?

welliemum · 05/05/2008 22:53

But I haven't seen anyone anywhere saying there's only one way to bring up a baby.

This thread has more straw men in it than a hay field in August.

yurt1 · 05/05/2008 22:56

I browsed (rather than read properly) the continuum concept. years ago, but you're right it didn't tell you what to do, just told you what happened there and the effect that had on children's development.

I vaguely remember something about hammocks as well. Perhaps that was somewhere else. Anyway took me until baby number 3 to get the Amby and boy I wish I;d bought it earlier!

AitchTwoCiao · 05/05/2008 22:57

yep, wellie. the only people being dictatorial about how other people should behave are the ones who don't want to be led by their babies (gawd, that's such a naff term but ykwim). i don't really get the motivation for the OP, or at least i hope i don't.

FairyMum · 05/05/2008 22:59

Some babies just thrive on strict routines and only settle in their own cots though. If you have such a baby, then surely its also baby-led parenting as you are responding to your baby's need.

AitchTwoCiao · 05/05/2008 23:00

precisely FM. all you can do is respond to them at the end of the day.

FairyMum · 05/05/2008 23:00

Agree with all welliemum's posts (as usual I think).

LuckySalem · 05/05/2008 23:01

Fairymum - Youre right so everyone is actually doing the same type of parenting!

moondog · 05/05/2008 23:01

I can well see where Rhubarb is coming from (despite being a full on lentil weaver meself.)

On a more general note I do find it intriguing the way Western liberal wring their hands over 21C change coming to and spolingfarflung parts of 'Africa' (it seems to be viewed as a country rather than a continent which is also incredibly annoying).

On the other hand,it seems just fine for them to enjoy and embrace change and progress.

jaynz · 05/05/2008 23:02

If I woke up in the middle of the night crying for some reason I didn't understand, I sincerely hope DH wouldn't say 'too bad for you, you've got to learn to fit in with me. It's not convenient for me to give you a hug right now' Why would I say that to my baby? Meeting their needs is what baby-led means I think.

For me the whole 'get them into a routine' stuff is crap. Why would a baby's needs be the same as mine? Why would I bother trying to get someone to sleep when they weren't tired? What would be the point? I loved carrying our boy around in the wrap until he could crawl and decided he'd had enough. But I don't need routines/schedules myself so maybe that's why it works for us.

yurt1 · 05/05/2008 23:05

Good point FM. After ds2 (who was in our bed for years- and really liked it there) it took me a while to realise that ds3 preferred to be in his own cot. I remember the first time I asked him when he'd woken up one night 'do you want to go back to your cot?' and he said yes I was staggered! So I always ask him now (not that he comes in all that often) and it's about 50:50.

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