Baby Led Parenting

[Rhubarb]

Yup. The baby is the boss and they will tell you what to do. You feed them when they cry, they'll sleep when they want, do what they want when they want to do it. If you want to experience true, pure and natural parenting then this is what you do.

No mention of the African tribes who tie crying babies to trees to discourage them from crying and giving their location away to enemy tribes. No mention of feeding on demand in Ethopia because you don't have enough milk to sustain a baby for 4 hourly feeds. No mention of carrying the baby on you at all times because there are no prams and therefore not a lot else to do. Noooooo, these third world mothers really know how to bring up baby naturally and that is the way forward!

It's all bollocks isn't it?

rants useually start for a reason therefore i am wondering what it was, i dint tend to just rant for nothing

First time mums are very very vulnerable. I'm a cynical old hag, but when I had dd, everything people said to me I would over-analyse. I'd suffered with AND and had low self-esteem. But then most first time mums feel at a low ebb and it's these mums that parenting books target. I think they should all come with a disclaimer.

blw - fine if that's for you. But if you want to mash up the food then that should be ok too, you shouldn't be made to feel guilty that you might give your kid an eating disorder when older.

I'm a ranty kinda person Awen.

I am dismissive of baby led parenting, where parents look to their kids before they make any decisions. I am annoyed by mums berating other mums under any heading whether it be BLW, Fruit shoots or Macdonalds. I dont like the competition to have the perfect child because none of us will ever win it and I really dont like the ganging up or getting personal on here.

But my children were weaned using common sense, saying that I was not a martyr and would make my life convenient because I had the confidence 2nd and 3rd time to stick 2 fingers up to those around me.

sorry but pmsl.. i am imagining doing an admission assessment for pnd and purring gf as cause. is total crap, a book doesnt cause pnd no matter how terrible book is. This is from someone who had pnd with ds1 abd was hospitilised and is also qualified professionally.

yes i have seen that on occasion, but i suppose i think that a lot of those people are actually a bit vulnerable to those feelings for the reasons i mentioned earlier. so unless we grow families, lower mortgage costs etc and become more confident in ourselves then some people will always feel that way. for every person who says that x or y made them feel like shit i bet there are fifty who think the opposite. and then there's the vast hinterland of women who skimmed, realised they were doing okay, and put the books straight back onto the shelf.

putting not purring lol

I agree with FairyMum - I think we've had a fair number of threads on MN where people were being told daft things by mothers/MIL/HV. And those opinions are very powerful.

I feel very lucky to have had all these different opinions to listen to. It's a great way of sorting out what you want to do and you can pick up some good ideas that it would have taken you much longer to think up for yourself.

Anyway, going to leave this thread I think. I'm all for ranting, but vague unfocused multiple-target ranting doesn't really do it for me.

Aye clueless, not until my second did I have the confidence to do it my own way.

I think my point is a valid one. To be told that I'm upset or angry is just undermining my point. Disagree by all means, but don't undermine what I'm saying. Pressure is put upon first time parents to do it right, but there are various thoughts about what "right" might be. And with each book jostling the other for space in Waterstones, no-one gives a thought to the mother's welfare.

Parenting books are far more powerful than your neighbour or mate down the road, because they are so-called experts who make ludicrous claims about the future well-being of your baby if you follow their regimes.

am off to bed with lovely baby and cant be arsed to debate anymore cos you arent able to consider that you are being unreasonable. nitr all

what, getting personal like this, clueless?

" By cluelessnchaos on Mon 05-May-08 22:14:33
my problem with baby led parenting is that baby is in charge when parent should be, yes feed your baby when they want to but the whole smugness on baby led weaning is just bloody annoying. Get over yourselves and grow some balls. Make your parenting choices not the ones that you have read you should make. "

as i said before, i've not read anyone but you and rhubarb say anything other than 'do what suits you and yours'... and as it happens it's what i see on the weaning threads as well.

you won't prevent people saying 'i did this and loved it' regardless of whether they did purees or finger food. and given that it's the whole point of MN, pooling experience and offering support and advice, i shouldn't think you'd want to.

I think your point is a valid one and I think there is a lot of defense going on, not sure why everyone feels so singled out by this thread, awen thank you for your conclusion on the matter of the causes of PND, the rest of us will put our opinions away in a big box because obviously they are worthless.

nah, i just completely disagree. mothers, friends, HVs, medics imo are infinitely more influential than books. and with that i too am off to bed.

at what point was I personal, I did not direct that at any group or individuals other than those who gloat to make others feel bad

and what did I say, do what you want and make your parenting choices

i should imagine that the people who feel singled out do so because they do some aspect of 'baby led'ness and have therefore felt fairly insulted by your post. i'm off to grow some balls, anyway.

well maybe they and you should take the time to read the post and understand it.

Oh really? Can't stay to debate on my worthless and pointless thread?

I am disappointed.

oh fgs.

to clueless, that was. but yes rhubarb i really should go and investigate my sunburn.

"unreasonable", I don't think I have disagreed with anyone on this thread.

I think I have made a fairly valid point about the pressures parenting books place upon new mums, and about my opinions of baby-led parenting and the word "natural" being used over and again, out of context and in an unrealistic way.

My point was that new mums are at a vulnerable time and this added pressure may be one of the contributing factors of pnd. Just because it wasn't a factor or your pnd Awen, does not mean to say it wasn't a factor of someone else's.

But hey ho, this thread is silly and I'm unreasonable. Oh yes, the Mumsnet I've come to love is truly back tonight!

Now who's getting angry?

Peace and love man!

Wow, just read all this thread [boggle]

I read a magazine freebie GF when I was pregnant and somethings of it I thought made sense - but then, I didn't have a baby!

As is common knowledge, Tink was 31 weeks. I remember looking at her in the incubator when I first saw her five hours after she had been born and thinking "Wow, she's a completely different person!" Not sure what I was expecting, but that moment was defining for me. I made my decisions for her based on that, could I defend my decisions to her later. I don't want to say "Because it suited me" I want to say "It suited you".

I breastfed when she asked because I'm not able to ignore her crying and I trust her to know far better than me when she is hungry. I allowed her to go through growth spurts that meant 45 mins on, 15 off. I ignored the "human dummy" comments because so what if she just wanted comfort? I'm her mum that's what I'm here for. (Someone said on here recently "a dummy is a replacement breast, not the other way around").

I have a pushchair but liked the idea of making my own sling (I'm a fashion designer from a previous life so it appealed to me) so I did and loved it so much I abandoned the chair. I love having her close, I could feel her little movements when she was tiny and feel secure knowing she was there. Now she is older we talk, play games, kiss and cuddle and I don't have to fight my way around things. Now she is walking it's a lot easier to have it on under my clothes than have to push a chair around. It has also been a lot easier on my bad back than a push chair.

I used to co-sleep (she's a wriggler now, but still comes in with me sometimes) because it's so much easier to get rest in the night. She used to go down in her own bed and then come in with us for her first night feed. I'd then leave her to latch herself in the night while we slept through.

I first heard about BLW from a BF group run by a HV and a MW who are very AP. I didn't talk to them about it, I heard them talking to others and others talking to each other. Went to the library, discovered Aitch and a couple of other sites and thought it made sense. I am so lazy I couldn't imagine puree feeding! I tried, she loved it, I carried on.

I have never read a book, apart from that stupid freebie when I was pregnant. Everything I did was a natural progression (natural in the sense it happened without being pushed) into what felt right. I didn't have much net access either in those days so it's mainly on my own back.

I do have PND, but I'm quite happy to admit that it is a mixture of the circumstances leading up to, including and after Tink's birth and a hormonal imbalance. I don't need to blame anyone else or look to improbable causes for it. If someone was going to get depressed reading GF who wouldn't then they were probably going to get depressed anyway - they had to be looking there for a reason!

I forgot the real nappies. Again, it's because I'm lazy and £200 for birth to potty pack just seemed so cheap.