Baby Led Parenting

[Rhubarb]

Yup. The baby is the boss and they will tell you what to do. You feed them when they cry, they'll sleep when they want, do what they want when they want to do it. If you want to experience true, pure and natural parenting then this is what you do.

No mention of the African tribes who tie crying babies to trees to discourage them from crying and giving their location away to enemy tribes. No mention of feeding on demand in Ethopia because you don't have enough milk to sustain a baby for 4 hourly feeds. No mention of carrying the baby on you at all times because there are no prams and therefore not a lot else to do. Noooooo, these third world mothers really know how to bring up baby naturally and that is the way forward!

It's all bollocks isn't it?

except where nestle is concerned, moony...

agree, jaynz, if dh and i had to institute a routine in our household it would cripple us, it's not the way we live and work at home, we need to be responsive in our jobs and need to be flexible. but for others it's spot-on.

not all babies are the same, nor are their parents.

Aye Aitch, true enough.

Ah well I am in the throws of having a 4 month old who co-sleeps, breast feeds when he wants (not on demand cos imo I dont see it as a demand but a need) and hey ho I am going the BLW route. Am not first timer, am making my choices becauise they feel right. The ideas given by BLW make sense to me, nothing to do with not having balls. Quite the opposite in fact as it feels that i am having to justify why i am doing this, as well as why i am bfeeding, co-sleeping etc etc .

Well we have a baby here who rarely crys, is content and happy and a relatively stress free mummy (although ds2 has just been through a lovely wek of feeding loads, he has settled). If this all means my baby is my boss i am happy with that. Better that than having a miserable baby and following some stupid routine for risk of 'spoiling' baby and making rod for own back.

Ds1 (now 8) has turned out fab imo and eats well, plays well, sleeps well.

Ooh yes Moondog, I really hate that patronising assumption that change and progress is fine for us, but other people shouldn't want it.

IME what "exotic" and "unspoiled" places generally have in common is grinding poverty and need, appalling maternal and child mortality, and people of all ages dying needlessly and in horrible pain.

Sorry, off topic, but a hobby horse of mine.

It seems to me that there is as much history of cruel child raising techniques as 'natural' cuddly ones. And often even cultures that were/are kind to babies were horrible to older children or other parts of their communities. But that doesn't mean that we can't choose to parent in a kinder, more responsive way. Personally I found it much easier when I followed ds's lead, rather than fighting with him to try to force him into a routine.

sorry welliemum, you have me all wrong. I have no problem with how you wish to raise your child, what I have a problem with is how some mums boast about how they raise their child properly,as opposed to others. Your baby cant actually choose what they want to eat without you introducing foods to them,so yes I do think you should choose what they eat, if they chose to eat chocolate every night would that be ok.

Dd1 was weaned at a time, when HVs would ask you to do it at 4 months, I made the choice to wean my child as I saw fit not how I was told to.

And I do think baby led parenting is wooly, but that is my opinion. i have seen so many spoilt kids who are the centre of their parents universe who crumble when they have to fit into the real world.

I don't see how baby led equals spoilt

It's not just African tribes. You are right Rhubarb, it is nit necessarily more 'natural'. All human cultures are not completely 'natural' as say animals are.

BUT it is only recently we have decided that every person in the family should be in a separate room, except the grown-ups who get to sleep next to someone at night - why is that better??

My parents were bf, never slept on their own (too many brothers and sisters), were carried a lot and walked from an early stage. Not saying it's better, just that what we do now is a very, very recent development and I have not found that it suits my babies.

I co-sleep, bf, carry, because I love it and it makes the babies cry less - that simple.

Follow the baby's cues, but you are in charge. As you are until your child leaves home.

Oh and I started a thread today about how my sil is sticking to a four hour ff schedule and is adding rusks to her 8 week old baby's bottle, because she's scared if it has too much milk it will get fat - all thanks to her hv. Great modern parenting techniques...

omg fondant that's shocking the poor baby... her HV should be sacked!

Sorry, I started this and then wandered off due to kids getting up and needing Calpol, then I forgot all about it!

Now then, what was I wittering on about? Ah yes, the guru's who think baby knows best and it's welfare is above and beyond the welfare of the parents. But common sense shows that unless the parents are cared for, then they are unable to adequately care for the baby.

Pressurising young, first-time mums to do things the "natural way" is just shit. A baby is a helpless, totally dependant little squidge. It knows nothing of routine or natural cycles. It doesn't know whether it's supposed to stay tied to it's mother all day or not. It gets hungry, tired, bored and windy. But of course, if you tie your baby to you all day, then after a while that is what baby expects. A baby will pretty much fit into any routine you care to give it after a while. So fit it into one that is best for you. Because if you are not happy, if you feel stressed, then so will your baby.

Rant over!

gurus

But what if you ARE happy doing it that way? Surely people pick the method that suits them best in the end - regardless if it's following an african tribe or a man in a white coat.

ROFL at 'let it sleep when it wants' Yeh, wake the baby up, it needs to go to work....

"So fit it into one that is best for you. Because if you are not happy, if you feel stressed, then so will your baby."

why are you assuming that responding to your child's needs as and when is stress-inducing? it's been the opposite ime. horses for courses and all that but there's no reason to operate on the basis that as parents we all thrive on our own routines. i don't. i'd absolutely hate it, actually.

Janni, that's my philosophy too. I give them choice, but I'm always in charge of the options.

So, for example with BLW, mine could never have chosen chocolate when they were babies because I never offered it.

IME, the more confident I am on an issue, the more flexible I am. If I find myself laying down the law and being rigid, that's usually a sign that I'm not really confident about what I'm doing. So I don't buy the idea that responding to a baby is weak parenting.

Why are you ranting about this? Babywearing is not exactly the standard advice from HV's is it? Actually I was so happy when I discovered books on attachment parenting when I had my first babies. They were babies who needed to be carried by me all day and sleep with me all night. LOL at anyone trying to get them into any other kind of routine. I knew what they needed, but felt so different from everyone else until I discovered there were others who did like me. I think baby-gurus or at least books has its place. I know lots of parents who have literaly saved their sanity after rading a GF-book for example. Its whatever suits you and your baby. You are being just as dogmatic in your posts as the people you are moaning about.

I remember the day my mum and I had a go at Gina-ing dd1 when she was a newborn. It lasted until about 9.30am. Then we had a good laugh and put the book away. Yet for others, as FairyMum says, it's sanity-saving.

Seriously, it was a real lightbulb moment when I realised that dd1 needed to feed little and often and this wasn't something wrong and it wasn't a problem - she was telling me very clearly what she needed and all I had to do was respond.

My stress levels plummeted from that moment. I only wish I'd read an attachment parenting book, because that might had saved me several days of uselessly trying to space out feeds.

Aitch, to be told you have to do a certain thing with your baby at a certain time or else your baby will grow up to be a psychopath is surely wrong?

First time mums are very impressionable - I was. If someone says that you must breastfeed your baby for 20 minutes every 2 hours, then when your baby pulls off after 10 you spend the next 2 hours worrying about whether you need to give it 30 minutes at the next feed. You are so paranoid that you are going to get it wrong that you forget to enjoy the whole experience, if the word enjoy is right here, perhaps endure would be better.

Sure, if you like it that way, if you want your life to revolve around baby then that's fine. Some people are naturally maternal and love the whole baby thing. Others are not so and they put more faith into these gurus than I think the gurus realise.

These books, these gurus, they are advisers only. But the way they go on about how you are potentially wrecking your baby's life if you fail to do it their way is damaging.

Parents need to find their own way of bringing up baby. Advice is all very well, but it is not meant to be pressurised advice. That isn't advice at all.

Rhubarb and pressuring first time mums to do CC, get baby on to solids, feed only at certain times isnt going to make it hard??

Surely it would be better to be supportive and listen to first time parents and encourage them to trust their instincts. My friend who has a a 10 month old (first baby) has frequently said she wishes she could have done things similarly to how i am doing them (4 month old) as I am so relaxed and ds2 is so content. NOt smug here but following his cues certainly works for us here.

Oh and clueless - so it is ok for you to disagree with the 'wooly' way i choose to parent but it is not ok for me feel proud (perhaps boastful) of the fact that i have to very happy ds's one aged 8 who is super confident and not clingy etc and a baby. Both of who have been raised by a lentil weaving mummy.

Baby-led weaning for instance. Apparently it's not 'natural' for babies to eat pureed food from a spoon. Really? It's not natural to put plastic padded bags on their bottoms to catch their poo either but we do it. Why? Because it's convenient and makes our lives as parents a little more bearable. If buying pureed food in a jar makes for a better day for mum then all well and good. If you want to peel organic carrots and bananas for your baby to stick into your hair then all very well too. But don't sell it as the ONLY way to feed the baby.

But who is selling it as the only way to feed a baby?

Awen, have I not just said that whatever makes it easier for you is great? But my point is that this method should not be sold as the BEST and ONLY true way to bring up the baby. Everyone is different. Yes I do think advice is great, then parents can pick and choose. But the problem is that this isn't advice, this is pushy gurus.

oh, I'm definitely with you if we're burning baby advice books...