9yr old has just started her periods and I’m gutted for her.

[KelmenaBallerina]

My 9yr old has got her first period on New Year’s Eve. She turned 9 in September and I feel like she’s just been stripped of what remaining childhood she had left. Only 2 weeks ago we were seeing Santa. Physically her body has changed a lot the past year and she’s really tall for her age. But mentally I just don’t think she’s mature enough. It’s been really heavy as well. I’ve had to be with her while changing pads and show her exactly what to do and how to stay clean. She won’t wear period pants as says they are too tight. I’ve told her they need to be tighter than normal knickers to keep everything in.
she’s back to school on Tuesday so I’m really hoping she will be almost finished. But I don’t think she will even go to school next month when it happens. I really have no idea how she’s going to handle this. I feel so sorry for my baby. Any advice would be appreciated.

Bless you both, really feel for you op. I would say just keep an open line of communication with her about it, she can come and talk to you about anything. I suppose as well just validating and normalizing her feelings, it might feel unpleasant (physically and emotionally!) but everything that is happening to her is completely normal. Maybe some nice scented oils, hot water bottle, some choc. I really feel for you and you, my daughter recently turned 10 and I am really morning her early childhood.

She doesn't have to wear period pants. She'll be fine with sanitary towels. Seek some counselling for your feelings so you don't project them on to her. They seem quite extreme. I'm not sure why you feel quite so sorry for her so I think you might need to explore that with someone.

Bless her that seems so young. I wouldn’t worry if she misses a few days of school here and there as she gets used to it. But try not to show how you feel about it all, I think it will make her anxious. Just carry on as normal!

This. It’s only a big deal if you make it one OP. It’s a normal part of growing up, and really pads shouldn’t be too difficult for a 9yo to manage if she doesn’t like the pants (although I’d definitely encourage her to keep trying with them)

There is absolutely no reason for her to miss school if her periods are straightforward

Am I not allowed to feel any emotional when my 9 yr old daughter starts her periods? I’m not sure why me feeling sorry for her is extreme? They aren’t the nicest things for most women. Painful, heavy and not to mention the emotions that go with. I personally feel it’s quite a lot for a 9yr old to deal with.

It’s young but not all that young, though I can certainly understand why you are a bit shocked.

Try not to worry, talk to the school so they can help her with the best loo to use for privacy and her teachers are aware if she needs to head to the loo suddenly. Find her a nice cosmetics bag to keep all her gear in so she doesn’t have to worry about it falling out. Do not let her get into missing school - plenty of primary school girls have periods and it’s important she sees it as normal. You can try different kinds of period pants but STs are fine for now.

Take her out for tea or something to mark what is a big moment on the road to womanhood.

Do give yourself a pep talk on your feelings - you are having an emotional reaction and that’s fine but you need to put it to bed swiftly, and make sure it doesn’t in anyway project onto her - you are her role model here and she needs you to make her feel confident and positive about this.

Oh that feels so so young. My daughter is nearly 9 and really just so young! I'd be gutted too!

Bless you OP, I feel for you. Nine is very young. I would feel the same way if my DD started this early.

Definitely talk to the school, it’s not unusual in late primary and they should be able to help her feel more comfortable in school.

Op hope you're OK, I think it's young even if other posters don't. Does she understand what her periods are?

For some people periods are not heavy or painful.
Not popular to say I know, but I think this is the projected emotions that some have issue with her.
Her body is not the same as yours. Try not to start this period in her life negatively. Be hopeful, optimistic. If she wants to wear pads let her. Not everyone uses the pants. If she says they're too tight, offer alternatives.

@KelmenaBallerina My DD is the exact same age and I don't think your feelings are extreme. Nor does it mean you're going to project them onto her - it sounds like you've been a wonderful, supportive mum and she's lucky to have you.

It's hard seeing them go through any of the challenges of puberty, even if we understand and keep in mind that they are a normal part of development. My DD has suffered from terrible acne on her face in the past year. It is painful and she is self conscious. We've seen the GP and are doing everything we can considering her age. I have cried for her (not in front of her) more than once, particularly when she has come home from school crying that other children have commented on it or speculated she isn't washing her face.

I can imagine it's a lot to take in for her and my DD would be the same. It doesn't matter how much we prepare them, being faced with it is different, particularly at 9. If you keep communicating and allow her to feel what she feels (rather than the "this is part of growing up deal with it" narrative I had as a teen!) she will come to terms with it and it will get easier in sure . I'm a teacher and lots of our year 5s and 6s have gone through this over the years. It's amazing how quickly they get the hang of it but lots do struggle at first.

Maybe speak to the GP if you feel they're heavier and more painful than you'd expect.

Sending love to you and your DD!

I have two ds's so feel free to ignore my comment.

Girls are starting their periods younger, but as you say emotionally they may still be immature. I can understand how you feel, if I had a daughter who started at 9 I too would feel upset. You want to keep your child, a child, for as long as possible. Now you feel like that innocence has been taken away.

Don't show your dd that you are upset. Maybe buy some books that you can read together on puberty. Make it a normal (which it is) part of growing up. Be prepared to answer questions she may have. This is a learning experience for both of you.

@KelmenaBallerina Bless her, it really is young OP.
I was the same age when I started mine and found it really embarrassing as I was the only one in my class and I didn’t have the kind of mum that I could talk to about these things so I just had to figure it out myself. Just be open with her and let her ask questions if she needs/wants to.

From a practical point of view - check if the main toilets at the school have sanitary bins for her to use. Mine didn’t and I used to have to cross the open-planned school and use the teachers loo right beside the janitors office which I hated!

Try a range of period pants. Some feel better than others. luna from John Lewis are more like normal pants. Wuka not loved over here, but modibody red for teens is a great range.
lillets teen range of sanitary pads is fab for this age too. Both day and night pads available.
My DD was similar age, she has actually said now she's in secondary she's relieved she started in primary as it was one teacher to deal with and there was a lot more flexibility with using the toilet etc, she's now completely sorted on hers now.

OP can you try another brand of period pants? Find one she's more comfy with, mine aren't any tighter than normal underwear (I prefer moodibodi) I have noticed anecdotally around DD and her friends that the first year of periods seem to be heavier and irregular which seems so unfair on such young girls, your poor DD has my sympathy, as do you. And yes they do have to miss school sometimes. And yes, they do struggle with sanitary pads. It's a learning curve for everyone but you'll navigate it together, just keep the communication open and honest with her

Yeah she’s all clued up. We’re very open and she’s asked me lots of questions about it all. I haven’t made a huge deal out of it. It’s just me when I’m alone with my thoughts! My imagination runs wild.

If they're extremely painful and heavy then see the GP
People normalise it but it's really not normal for them to be very heavy or very painful

Bless her. I was 9 when I started my periods. I had no idea what was happening and I thought I was dying 😭

Well, your feelings are terribly negative, which I assume is what that poster meant. Try to keep them to yourself and be neutral if you can’t be positive about your child hitting puberty. You get to have all the negative feelings you like in your own head.

Be positive you were with her.. I started at 12 at my friend's house. When we top /toed in her bed. She had to wake her dm up. I was mortified.. Back at home dm never mentioned anything.. Spent the next 5 years at home mumbling I needed some 'things' as periods were taboo....

Aww it's such a shame, I have a 12 year old that I am dreading it coming with her, so I really feel bad for u and ur girl, 9 they are still so small and it's a huge scary thing. I know all the ones saying it's natural bla bla and bla and I agree it's comes to everyone and not to make a big deal but until she takes it in her stride and gets used to it, it IS a big deal, especially when they don't fully understand why it has to happen. Woohoo u take as long as u need to ok dokey and if she needs a day off school while she is getting used to it all then go right ahead. Better that than making her feel shit about herself and giving her Iectures that it happens to us all get over it or worse not discussing it at all then hiding dirty pants in the drawer cos was so ashamed and embarrassed (my story 35 years ago and still cringe). I'm glad ur there for her

I was in so much pain I fainted a couple of times and was sent home. My mother was hopeless thankfully we'd had the talk at school.

I think 9 is very young for a child to have all the bother every month.

Gosh I really feel for you OP that is awfully young to start. My two best friends at school also started when they were 9, at this age we were still changing for PE in the same classroom as the boys, so it must have been super embarrassing for them. I didn’t start until 12 and I was pleased not to start earlier. I think you’ve done everything right by being really open with her and not showing your sadness to her, it can’t be helped so you’re just getting on with it practically. But it’s still crap that she started so young. Periods suck.

Bless you op. I started periods at ten and I'm hoping my dd will be older than me. My dd is tiny dot for her age. Just be really open to talk about it and keep neutral. It's unfortunately normal.

When something sad happens that I struggle with them growing up, I do think the alternative would be worse. No periods and possible fertility issues. Like my eldest leaving for uni. I felt like he was all grown up and is growing apart and I was so sad. But he jacked it in and came home and that was even worse.