9yr old has just started her periods and I’m gutted for her.

[KelmenaBallerina]

My 9yr old has got her first period on New Year’s Eve. She turned 9 in September and I feel like she’s just been stripped of what remaining childhood she had left. Only 2 weeks ago we were seeing Santa. Physically her body has changed a lot the past year and she’s really tall for her age. But mentally I just don’t think she’s mature enough. It’s been really heavy as well. I’ve had to be with her while changing pads and show her exactly what to do and how to stay clean. She won’t wear period pants as says they are too tight. I’ve told her they need to be tighter than normal knickers to keep everything in.
she’s back to school on Tuesday so I’m really hoping she will be almost finished. But I don’t think she will even go to school next month when it happens. I really have no idea how she’s going to handle this. I feel so sorry for my baby. Any advice would be appreciated.

I have period pants from M&S and they’re not tighter than my normal pants.

And while 9 is a bit young, your reaction does seem extreme.

I understand what OP is getting at. She feels her DD's carefree childhood has now disappeared because of starting periods aged 9.

I had just turned 8 and was still very much a child playing with dolls and barbie. Even though my mum had spoken about it, it was such a shock to me when it started. The first time when I saw the blood I just screamed. I had awful period pains and heavy bleedings. I had a lot of sick days because of it and sometimes couldn’t attend PE. I remember there were so many teachers involved-I hated it!

Just let her have some sick days with a hot water bottle and paracetamol if needed. Lots of tlc

Make sure she keeps a little bag / zipped pouch in her schoolbag with pads and spare pants, because remember that for a while periods can be very irregular eg. unexpected.

(On the bright side, some girls have a first period but then don't get any more for several months!)

And yes it sucks and it feels unfair, but she will be fine! It's good that she is willing to ask for help rather than worrying and struggling on her own.

Kids can be so cruel! It’s just normal you want to protect them from heartache.
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my dd is in year 4. She’s the first to start in her class. So I’m glad she can ask me anything. She’s been ok with being at home. But has already said she doesn’t want to be at school when it happens.
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? It’s still natural to start at 9. No one is forcing that!

These days it is not beyond the realm of normal but i completely understand your emotion - its very young and still likely to be 2-3 years earlier than peers. All you can do is be calm & supportive & ensure she has everything she need.

I got my period when I was 10 and in school when it happened. My mam was very good I had older sisters so my mam spoke to me and showed me how to use the pads and where everything was kept. My dd is 9 we've spoke about periods and lately she is saying she's getting lots of stomach cramps. 🙈 I will need to start getting bits in for her.

I heard somewhere it was nine, but yes it seems it’s 12.

That is so young, I have a 9 year old and I would be really upset too, OP. All I can offer is that as a young girl, I remember the first girl in our class to start a period in primary school. All of us were really sympathetic and supportive and she did acquire a bit of status as being the most knowledgable in the class.

You never know, she might not get them every month yet if it takes a bit of time for her cycle to regulate. I hope it's not too difficult for her

I get why you feel sad OP. 9 is way too early - she is still a little kid - she shouldn't have to deal with grown up issues like this so soon.

It’s still natural to start at 9. No one is forcing that!

Its a relatively recent phenomenon for girls to start periods this young. 100 years ago it was more typical to start at 14/15.

Don’t forget about tampons too. Girls can use them early on if they feel comfortable giving it a go. Show her one, take it out if it’s wrapper, show her how to insert it using your hand curled around to make a vagina, demonstrate removing it after.
Then leave some in the bathroom for anytime she fancies trying.
My daughter told me it was an awful idea when she first saw one, then with her next period she appeared one day and announced she had one in. She never looked back.
IMO they make period life so much easier/ cleaner.

You are absolutely entitled to feel sad and sorry that your daughter has entered this phase that is confusing and painful for them.
My daughter had her first aged 7. It was a shock! Gp referred us to the hospital, where she was examined naked - she didn't mind, she was still a child. BUT with developing breasts etc and they put her at stage 2 of puberty.
I'll never forget because they were doing blood tests, stimulating the pituatry gland (?) I think. So we were in the children's ward all day, because they were taking tests every couple of hours.
At 7 it was much easier than 9 would have been. She asked a 5 year old what she was in for, her mum said broken arm, mine said - I've got the early puberty! 😭 Of course it broke my heart a little and made me feel sad.

They said she wouldn't have even been seen if she was 8.

To those saying sanitary pads are easy - in essence yes, but it's the knowledge of leaking, when to go to the toilet, being ALLOWED to go to the toilet and just how new and horrible it is to a youngster.

I understand @KelmenaBallerina also, I'd still put a pad in period pants. My daughter is very heavy but is mid teens now. It was difficult introducing her to tampons and that was when she was about 12.

You'll do your best I know. It's what us Mums do. I am going to send you hugs. You both deserve them xx

Ps my daughter missed some days of secondary when her flow and cramps were too heavy. I didn't give a shit what the school said, she is my main priority. Lots of love.

Hi OP, I think that's very young too. My DD is 9 in a few months and I'd be gutted and be feeling like you too. It's so hard isn't it. I don't have any advice but wanted to say I hope you both find a way of making it comfortable for her. I started around age 10 and couldn't talk to anyone about it so at least she knows you will guide her through this new stage of life.

Try different brands and styles of period underwear. Some of them can be too tight.

Oh bless her, I can imagine how you feel! Poor thing, my daughter’s too young for this yet so I have no advice, but just wanted to show my support. I’m not sure why you are getting abit of a hard time from some posters

I just want to say I totally get your feelings on this. I went to a small primary and none of us started our periods before year 7. I've seen a neice enter puberty four years younger than her cousins and it definitely prematurely ended her carefree childhood as you say.

Wow, some comments on here 🙄 . Needing therapy because she's upset for her daughter who is a child?!. of course she feels negative, she's bloody 9! Yes it happens, but it's still crap.
Good old Mumsnet, kicking people when they're down.

Your feelings are valid OP. You're not crazy and I don't think you need counselling. Take no notice. You sound like you're really supportive and I'm sure your daughter will be just fine 😊 x

I’m not sure I would follow pp’s advice to celebrate a big moment on the way to womanhood. I would want to not make a big deal of it, but also reinforce that she is still a child and allowed to enjoy that. So I would do something she enjoys and has done for a while.

I agree with you @KelmenaBallerina 9 is young, my girls were 14 and 11 and so I even felt 11 was even young.

She will get used to it though and quite quickly too. My 11 year old was easier than her older sister. You’ll adjust too and childhood is by no means over. Period pants, period swimmers and even tampons if necessary means everything is possible.

I use M&S period knickers, but I have no idea if they do sizes small enough for your 9 year old. It does seem young, but then I didn't start mine until 16, and even then they're spasmodic (thank PCOS for that).

I feel for you. I was 10 and so was DD (now 14). I was very positive with her and said it was excellent that her body was working as it should, said it would be one less thing to worry about at secondary and we have navigated it all fine. I did feel that her childhood ended prematurely so I do get that but I was determined to handle it positively and it worked. That said, she still played with toys, was very much a child etc, so in many ways the end of her childhood scenario was my perception and not the reality as it turned out.

She was far from the only one of her friends to start their period early - there were at least 3 others that I knew of. One had a period and didn’t have another for months but my DD has been pretty regular as was I.

Now there are girls in her year worrying about not having started their period so it all evens out.

I was 8 when I started. I still believed in Santa for a couple of years still after that.
My mam spoke to the school and a female teacher I was quite fond of became my "go-to" person if I needed help at school.

I couldn't use tampons at that age but I did use pads. Still prefer them now.
As long as she has people around her who can talk to her about it, a note to school giving them permission to give her paracetamol, maybe if the school has a quiet room then a hot water bottle for her to use in there if she needs it.

How was she with it? Did she know about them before? Was she freaked out?

My mam did have a very kid friendly sex talk with me when I started too so I understood why my body was doing this. I also was put on the pill quite quickly too to help manage the symptoms and help keep them regular. I think I was 9 or nearly 10 when I went on the pill. Unsure, twas a long time ago.

DD2 got it at 12 but it wasn’t regular until 13.5; so maybe she won’t have it every month. Only came like every 4 months for a year and a half.

9 is too young. I blame all the hormones in food; specifically dairy. That is my theory but I am not an expert. We try to buy organic; not sure if it makes a difference.