9yr old has just started her periods and I’m gutted for her.

[KelmenaBallerina]

My 9yr old has got her first period on New Year’s Eve. She turned 9 in September and I feel like she’s just been stripped of what remaining childhood she had left. Only 2 weeks ago we were seeing Santa. Physically her body has changed a lot the past year and she’s really tall for her age. But mentally I just don’t think she’s mature enough. It’s been really heavy as well. I’ve had to be with her while changing pads and show her exactly what to do and how to stay clean. She won’t wear period pants as says they are too tight. I’ve told her they need to be tighter than normal knickers to keep everything in.
she’s back to school on Tuesday so I’m really hoping she will be almost finished. But I don’t think she will even go to school next month when it happens. I really have no idea how she’s going to handle this. I feel so sorry for my baby. Any advice would be appreciated.

Most schools will have made arrangements for girls starting periods, we used to send a letter out to all Y5 and Y6 girls and their parents in September to tell them where/who they could ask for emergency pads and pants, and which toilets had bins ( also to remind them not to flush pads down the toilets..!) If your child’s school hasn’t done something similar OP then I would check with the reception staff about what the procedures are, but also send an email to her teacher to let them know.

I started mine when I had just turned 10 and bless my mum, she got me what she called a period pouch, basically like a small pencil case in the shape of bikini bottoms, and she filled it with pads, wipes, spare underwear, lip balm etc for me to pop in my school bag and it made me feel a bit special actually. It is a young age but her friends will soon follow.

My daughter was 9 and a half when hers started. Hang in there momma, it will be ok! She was so mature about it and handled it really well. I get the sadness though.

Bless you! Cycling shorts and a heated cushion is helpful.

Fair play if she started her first period out of the blue 3 days ago and you’ve already bought and tried a number of different period pants. You must have been prepared!

Yes I do thanks very much.

Consider private therapy if you think it would help OP. I'm not trying to be heartless and I understand it's unexpected for you but you're feelings are all quite strongly negative and almost like this is a catastrophe. You worry about cramps and heavy periods but wait until these occur- they might not occur. Think positive.

My DD had her first period just after turning 9. She then didn't have another one until she was nearly 11. I was worried what had happened to them inbetween but the Dr said not to worry.

Bless her. This happened to me at ten. I didn’t have a clue what was happening, like @FlyingHighintheSkyy says. My mum was very kind - just hadn’t expected it to happen to me so young. It sounds like you have a great relationship with you dd. It’s understandable to mourn what you feel is the end of a childhood but I certainly carried on being a child much the same. I get it though, there’s this extra element she’ll have to take into account each month but I imagine products are much better and more varied and some extra fuss, cuddles and chocolate each month will help. She’ll be fine and you will too.

Good for you but how is that going to help op??

Start a different thread about it then it's really unfair on OP to start thinking of the whys.

Period pants don't need to be tight, she just needs a bigger size, so she's comfy!

Do give her the option of everything, and keep all those options open over the next few years and encourage her to experiment until she is comfortable. Pants, pads, applicator and manually inserted tampons, mooncup, sea-sponge (is that still a thing?).

IME, Mums and peers tend to direct to their preference, whereas your DD might find something else easier and more natural. (Flashback of moving from pads to applicator tampons to manual insertion within months of starting, so much easier for me, but feeling I had to skulk because the general vibe was 'eeewwww'.)

Maybe sit with DD and look at the various subscription / delivery services? Colourful, often have 'new starters' packs, most allow tweaking of ongoing deliveries as DD experiments, and some have add-on comforts like chocolate!

I looked at TOTM a while back, but I think there are quite a few these days. Might be a nice mother/daughter 'treat' way to mark the transition?

Hopefully they won't come every month yet I had a few months between my first few

I love Wuka and hate modibody - interesting.

I’m shocked to read this! I’m in year 6 and only a couple of girls have. One is a tiny, petite girl which is unusual. My own petite DD was 15 (now 19) and most of her friends were 13/14

I started at nine.

The problems I faced were:

• Divorced parents with shared custody (50:50, one week with each and a Sunday night changeover) meant that sanpro didn't always get bought when I needed it, especially at DF's house because he was totally clueless and had no idea how to support me in planning for it. There were far too many instances of scrunched up loo roll.
• Being autistic (undiagnosed at the time) meant that I wasn't psychologically as mature as my chronological age. Imagine how a six or seven year old would fail to cope with puberty, and that was basically me.
• No sanbins at primary school.
• No Red Box for when the fucker turned up off-schedule. Did I mention scrunched up loo roll? I would have loved period knickers, could have worn them daily "just in case" but they didn't exist back then.
• The pain was unreal and my GP's response was to give me mefanamic acid, which I was meant to start taking three days before I started... when my periods weren't regular enough to know when they started. 🤦 I later ended up undergoing surgery for endometriosis.
• Coerced tampon use for swimming classes, including one memorable occasion when my mum threatened to put the tampon in me if I didn't do it myself. Skipping the class wasn't an option.
• Hobson's Choice of Always rash-inducing winged pads or Vespre wingless slimline that leaked. Did I mention that period knickers would have been much better?
• The real killer: because I now had breasts, suddenly men and boys started seeing me as prey. My first sexual assault was at age eight, when two older boys cornered me to find out whether I had pubic hair to match the breasts. Note: "first sexual assault".

Based on my misery, what your DD needs is:

• Support and coaching in how to track her cycle.
• You to proactively ask her how many pads she has and make sure that she has them in her bag at the start of every week.
• Coaching in how to skilfully handle unwanted male attention, especially if she can't go to an all-girl secondary school.
• You to advocate for her at school to make sure that they have sanbins, Red Box etc
• You to help her fight her corner at the GP.
• Period pants in a bigger size.

You are absolutely reasonable to feel sad for her. She's only nine and her body is already turning into catnip for the kind of men who wolf-whistle and leer. She's going from being a child to being a sexual object in some men's eyes and she's not even at the age of criminal responsibility. She wouldn't be held criminally accountable for murder, yet she's somehow got to navigate male sexual entitlement.

I was 9. I had no idea what it was. It is young.

Goodness year 4 is terribly young. I’d let her have a day off if it’s tricky for her at first.
Poor kid getting it so early. I feel for her!

@selffellatingouroborosofhate absolutely spot on. And almost same history - except I had nuns who blamed girls for their bodies developing early.

i second this 100%
I hated sanitary towels in all types, still hate them now. They made me very self conscious and felt like I was wearing a nappy.

Tampons changed my whole period life. Although I do vividly remember thinking it was going to be like inserting a needle up there on my first go. I also remember my mam sitting outside the bathroom door asking me if I wanted her to do it for me and I’m not sure which bit was more mortifying 😂

9 is young. My DD has just turned 9 and I've only told her about periods in the last few months. I was 14 so it's not really on my radar yet, perhaps it should be!

My daughter was 9 when she got hers. I was gutted for her, too, but didn't show it. She also got DD breasts by 11.

It was helpful it was in primary because I was able to email her teacher and let her know. The teacher was very supportive with cramps, toilet breaks, going to office if leaks, teaching her to do stretches for back ache, etc.

It was a bit of a struggle hygiene wise as being only 9, she didn't care and used to come home from school a bit smelly from not changing pad enough. I got rid of the period undies for that reason (we live in hot climates, tho).

Good luck. I can empathise with how you feel.

Jeez

I was 15! And finished at 50 thank god.

Awful starting so young - I still played with dolls at that age

<old person>

Hi OP,
I completely understand what you’re going through, my DD was about 9 1/2. I choose to speak to her about periods just before turning 9 as I was concerned she would start early. I really didn’t think I’d need to so early on. She’s managed fine, I think it was more a shock to me.

I didn’t discuss with school till year 6, she had a leavers trip & I was concerned about swimming (typically she was on), spoke to a really nice teacher who helped, regarding medication & said she could be general go to, with DD’s permission.

What’s difficult in primary is lack of facilities, my DD never felt able to speak about periods within friends group till about 14 which is a huge gap. There’s also toilet/convinces issues within primary. This is just what I’ve done, if needed sooner pls approach the primary school.
I don’t understand anyone belittling you for your feelings & hope all works well for you & DD 🌷

DM is a lapsed Catholic so there was an undercurrent of shame about the whole ordeal. I can't begin to imagine how much worse that would be with nuns.

The tampons were the kind without cardboard tubes as well, so the entire length of the tampon was scraping the inside of my vagina and drying it out as it went in. The first time I used applicator tampons as an adult, I was astounded at how much more comfortable insertion was and pretty pissed off that I'd been given the digital type for all those years.

I got the average age being 9 wrong. I’m sure it was on a radio programme I listened to. But I was incorrect. A shocking number of people on this thread were 9 though.