9yr old has just started her periods and I’m gutted for her.

[KelmenaBallerina]

My 9yr old has got her first period on New Year’s Eve. She turned 9 in September and I feel like she’s just been stripped of what remaining childhood she had left. Only 2 weeks ago we were seeing Santa. Physically her body has changed a lot the past year and she’s really tall for her age. But mentally I just don’t think she’s mature enough. It’s been really heavy as well. I’ve had to be with her while changing pads and show her exactly what to do and how to stay clean. She won’t wear period pants as says they are too tight. I’ve told her they need to be tighter than normal knickers to keep everything in.
she’s back to school on Tuesday so I’m really hoping she will be almost finished. But I don’t think she will even go to school next month when it happens. I really have no idea how she’s going to handle this. I feel so sorry for my baby. Any advice would be appreciated.

She might not even get a period next month. My dn had her first period very young, 8 or 9, but then over the next 2 years it was patchy until a cycle established.

9 isn’t average at all. You have to weigh around 7 stone to start your period so unless you are very tall like the op’s daughter or overweight then girls will not get their period that young.

Completely understand what you're saying OP and I would say a normal reaction. I have a daughter just turned 9 and I couldn't imagine this happening (although, of course, it very much could). Just turned 9 seems super young for almost a lifetime of periods ahead - many still believing in santa/tooth fairy and then this suddenly rears its head. Imagine something similar happening to a just turned 9 year old boy! Anyway, sympathy OP. It is, of course, normal, and I'm sure you won't project negativity on to her at all. But I get why you're saying it's just a bit early and a bit rubbish for you both. My 9 year old has known about periods for ages but I think it'll take some getting used to when it happens regardless.

Not blaming OP, I just wanted to highlight the issue on this thread to warn anyone who might see it as I was unaware of the link myself until recently and I have two DDs. There must be a reason girls are starting their periods younger.

I was 11 and that felt young for me and my mum. It felt a lot to deal with at school because I was keenly aware of not drawing attention to myself in the school loos with noise or smell. Thank goodness products have improved so much since then as have attitudes. Be kind to yourself, the worry is reasonable. Could you arrange with school to bring her home at lunchtimes the next couple of times it happens. Might just give her an hours breather and time to change etc in the privacy of her own home plus some cuddles and reassurance. You sound like a lovely mum.

Nine is young. I was 10, which isn't much older, but from another POV it is. You are over the hurdle of single figure birthdays and although you're still a child, some of what childhood means is going into retreat. Periods can be messy, embarrassing and painful, but they are part of growing up, something that ten year olds are doing more obviously than those a year or so younger. So I can see exactly where you're coming from OP. On the other hand, it is as it is and your DD will be more at ease if you're pragmatic about it.

One thing I struggled with was that by twelve, my periods were very painful. I was by then at boarding school, (1970s context) surrounded by adult women who didn't have a lot of sympathy and thought I was "a silly little girl" for making a lot of fuss about "a bit of stomach-ache." But that wasn't it at all; I felt as if my insides were being gnawed by a rodent. It would go on for 2-3 days a month every month for years, with nothing more than a couple of aspirin for relief. However, we are now in 2025, periods and the problems that come with them are talked about more freely and your DD has you in her corner. She'll be fine.

9 is really young to start periods. My 5 years old is currently receiving injections for PP. she started going through puberty at 4. Her consultant is keeping her on medication until she is 11.5 years olds. He advised us period before this age can have a lot of impact on development.

Sorry your daughter is going through this

I've read the research on this, recently spoke to my DH about it and we've removed all artificial fragrances from the home!

Voice of caution: there are two young girl first period threads going ATM. Watch out for unsavoury characters who may have posted/ be following these. Don't leave any info about your own young daughters that could be fodder for a particular type of man.

I agree with this. Yeah it is young and understand the OP is upset about it. But in the nicest way, you are where you are.

My periods as a kid ere not long, painful or difficult. I also agree that projecting negative things onto it especially at her age isn’t great for her.

OP I understand your defensiveness but while young it isn’t shocking or unheard of.

I agree with other posters that unfortunately you need to get your head around it and be positive for your daughter rather than infantilising her even more. Some kids stop believing in Santa 4/5 and often it can be 7-8 so you are doing well on that one.

Take care and maybe step back a bit and consider the advise rather than the confrontation back……

9 is still very young. I can't believe some women on here saying it's not!! Am I in some parallel universe here?

OP you are totally justified to feel how you feel. I would feel exactly the same!

I was 15 when mine started. 9 seems so young poor thing.

I was that child.
I also started to have periods every 28 days on the dot right from the start. And they were heavy (which I didn’t realise at the time).

Tbh my biggest issue was the vast difference between how I felt (a child) and how I presented (a teen, fully developed, tall etc….).
It wasn’t the periods as such but how to deal with my body changing and the way people related to me (aka expecting me act much more adult than I felt).
My mum didn’t handle that very well. But being able to talk about periods, unwanted attention, wanting to carry on playing with dolls etc…would have helped a lot.

This is not the dark ages and all of those things can now be managed IF she experiences them. But projecting your attitude on her will not be of any comfort to her. She is not sick, she is not weak, and she does not need to avoid school or anything else. She is young yes, but she is becoming a woman, and she needs to be confident about her body and herself every single day of every single month of every single year.... Your job is to support her to make that become her reality.

OP, I'm sorry. While not out of the ordinary, 9 is young. My 10 year old DD was still playing with dolls and stuffed animals. She got her period at 11 and I remember thinking, oh, if only she had been 12 like her sister. Of course, I wish your daughter had a longer childhood, but she still can enjoy things kids enjoy. Tell her puberty is a years long process and she's not a woman yet. She's still a kid and maybe take her for something fun to do and forget it for a bit.

@iamwhoeverisayiam The girl is a child of 9, fgs.
That is very, very young. OP is rightly concerned and sad for her to have to deal with menstruation so early. It really takes the shine off childhood. The average age is 12, although the range can be as early as 8 (!) to 15.

A vote for hey girl pads, I used one when I was caught short at work once as they’re given free to lots of schools around here, they are so soft! Didn’t feel plasticky or scratchy like always and didn’t bunch together in a weird shape like some pads do

YANBU, my daughter is 8 this year and does still seem very much like a baby to me so I TOTALLY understand you not being ready for this and, well a bit sad about it really… I don’t think you came him for advice, nor do you need it… I’m just sorry it came so early, but you will deal with it & she will be fine x

I completely understand how you feel OP. My DD hasn’t yet started school but I’d be really sad for her loss of a couple of years of childhood if she started her periods a nine, although obviously I’d never demonstrate this to her.

You are doing all the right things in being open and supportive which will normalise this for her and she will cope just fine in the long run. You are not showing her your distress and you have every right to feel the way you do. PMS / Period pains and hormones are so much for a nine year old to deal with.

Complete nonsense!

Some really weird posts on here. Of course its normal to not be leaping for joy. Lots of things are "natural", doesn't mean they're necessarily great. Getting grey hair is "natural", catching a cold is "natural", dying is "natural", does that mean we aren't supposed to feel any emotions around anything?

9 is really young. At their best periods can be messy, painful and a faff, at the worst they are incapacitating and agonising - who wouldn't want to spare their child that for as long as possible?

I think it’s understandable to feel the way you’re feeling OP. But as others say, it’s
super important your DD doesn’t pick up on your emotions around this.
My DD has requested a cake when she gets her first period (I think she misunderstood when she overheard a friend saying they want cake when they’re on their period) and I thought it was actually a great idea and that getting a celebration cake to mark this occasion should be standard! Put a real positive spin on it all and make our girls proud to be menstruating!

9 is young, my daughter was 10 which was seen as on the too young side, and she was sent for a scan to check for pituitary tumours and that is a common cause for early periods. She had a tumour which was causing her early puberty, she is now on medication to shrink it. I would advise speaking to a dr about it, we had to see a gynaecologist who treated children. Early puberty can cause them to stop growing as well which is a concern

Well I have news.

It’s really hard to be confident in your body when your body screams adult but your maturity says child.
Its very hard to be confident when people treat you as if you were 5+ years older.
Its hard to feel confident when you’re the odd one out and no one else in your peers has any clue (but boys would be sniggering etc…)
Its hard to feel confident when periods is something you hate (because too young, not normal etc…) rather than something you somehow look forward to because it means you’re becoming a woman and you want that.

Having periods really young like this is presenting challenges that a teen won’t face. Agd have nothing to do with ‘being confident in your body changing to become a woman’. No 9yo wants to be a woman!!

Where has she said she isn’t supporting her DD? & what has the dark ages got to do with it? Feeling emotional is perfectly acceptable emotion for your DD starting this next stage of life, especially if the DD is young. I highly doubt mum is sobbing & wailing to her DD, she’s come here with a natural emotion & that’s ok.

I would be upset. I think 9 is young and periods do suck.
If she is super worried you could take to the GP about medication to stop periods. I was 11 GP started but was put on progestogen only pill as my periods made me anaemic. We didn't call it the pill, it was my period tablet until I got older. Also helped massively with mood swings