9yr old has just started her periods and I’m gutted for her.

[KelmenaBallerina]

My 9yr old has got her first period on New Year’s Eve. She turned 9 in September and I feel like she’s just been stripped of what remaining childhood she had left. Only 2 weeks ago we were seeing Santa. Physically her body has changed a lot the past year and she’s really tall for her age. But mentally I just don’t think she’s mature enough. It’s been really heavy as well. I’ve had to be with her while changing pads and show her exactly what to do and how to stay clean. She won’t wear period pants as says they are too tight. I’ve told her they need to be tighter than normal knickers to keep everything in.
she’s back to school on Tuesday so I’m really hoping she will be almost finished. But I don’t think she will even go to school next month when it happens. I really have no idea how she’s going to handle this. I feel so sorry for my baby. Any advice would be appreciated.

I'd be gutted for her too, op. Yes, we all know it's natural, but it would have been nice for her to have had a few more years without periods. 9 does seem so young.

My cousin started at 9. She was taken to a consultant and had tests it was so unusual then.

I agree 9 is young. I also feel why your anxious for her, it's a lot for her to manage on her own isn't it. How is she taking it?

I don't think you are overreacting, it's is very young, even if it's becoming sadly more common to start that young. I was 13. My mum was 16. We seem to be getting younger and younger each generation.

I wondered if fabric washable pads might be better than period pants at this stage and nicer and more reliable than plastic disposable ones? I am sure people can recommend good brands on here.

I really feel for you OP my dd was also 9 when she started hers and I prayed it would be later . I was 10 when I started mine and dd was showing all the signs of getting it early so I prepared her early on . She was still upset when she got it though but really took it in her stride . She's tried all different types of period pants and she finds modibodi the best . She's also very heavy which I feel awful for her for but the maxi range is amazing .
Please let her teachers know she's started. They didn't have bins in my DDs bathroom as she was only year 4 so they sorted a bin out and put a selection of sanitary products in the teachers cupboard . They also made up a 'goody' bag for my dd which had different types of pads , wipes , reusable pads and a pouch which I thought was incredibly sweet and well thought of . If my Dd needed to go to the bathroom her and the teacher had a special nod .
Just keep reassuring her that it will all be ok . She may be more resilient than you think and go into school just fine . I felt like it at first with swimming lessons with the school and believed she wouldn't want to do it but dd was adamant she didn't want to miss out .
As my Dd was the first to get it out of her class she become like a buddy and shoulder to cry on when her best friend got it early too . When they had the period talk in school she came out kind of eye rolling like 'I already knew all that'
DD is 11 now and I've been so proud how she handled it . I do really understand the feeling of them losing their childhood, you feel gutted for them . The mood swings are something else though ....

I was 9 when my periods started. There was no panic or emotional reaction from my Mum, just the opposite - I remember she hugged me and said this is great, this shows I'm healthy and can have children if I want to when I grow up 😊 Try seeing the positive side of it and your daugher will be positive about it too. Yes it comes with all sorts of inconvenience but she'll get used to it.

it's very young, but it does seem to be getting younger and younger.
I feel sorry for her, but this isn't the end of her childhood. she's STILL only 9.

just be as kind and supportive as you can be, and make sure she feels like she can talk to you about any concerns. make sure she doesn't feel ashamed or embarassed.

Our DD was 9 too OP so I do get it. It was a huge shock at the time. She’s 12 now and is used to dealing with sanitary towels, she does wear period pants too. Maybe you need to experiment with different makes and she may find some that are more comfortable - I think they’re amazing personally and wish they’d been around when I first started mine.

I'd be upset too if my DD starts her periods at 9yrs old. I get why you feel the way you do.

Some kiddie nurofen may help if she's struggling with any pain, ibuprofen can also make periods lighter. One dose as soon as she comes on to get immediately on top of any pain and lessen the heaviness, could be a game changer for her. It was for me anyway.

I was 10 and it's not a happy memory. Partly because it was just a whole unasked-for world of shit, partly because that did feel way too young, really, and I assumed I was alone, and it hurt. But part of it was stigma, my mother closing the bathroom door and talking to me in hushed tones; the sanitary towels hidden away lest the only man in the house should have his sensibilities offended. That bit could have been helped by openness and solidarity - I don't know if there are any films or anything on the topic, or interviews with young girls who've been through similar, but I think watching something like that as a family (dad included) and talking about it together would have helped me feel less alone and ashamed

I'm with you OP. It does seem so young. My son is the same age, and he's just a little kid. I'd be quite shocked if his class mates had started their periods.

And yes, I'd be worried about her dealing with a heavy period at school. Some of her classmates might not even know what periods are yet (my parent friends are only just starting to have those conversations with their kids, I'm contemplating it with DS).

I can understand how you feel OP but I am not being insensitive when I say that this is something that all little girls/ young adolescents have to go through.
It's important that you support but don't project your anxiety onto her.
To suggest that she may miss school is worrying. Period pants haven't been around for very long.
Stay calm and supportive.
Take care

My dd was 11, bit older I know but she knew none of her friends had started and felt odd. I combined being celebratory and matter of fact about it. Bought a cute toilet bag, variety of sanpro, wipes etc (Boots did a pretty pack of stuff) and a pretty necklace.
Do not stress about anything. It’s catching. Your sadness is nothing to do with her. Praise her to the skies for being sensible and getting on with stuff. Don’t keep her off school. Don’t tell her you’re doing it but def send an email to school re time in the loo etc.
Multi vitamin with evening primrose will help if she gets cramps.

I started mine at 9 and it was horrid. I didn’t get the hang of it all until I was in Year 7 and flooded frequently until then. But pads are better these days and teachers are more understanding (I think?)

You’re understandably shocked and that’s ok. You’re doing great and so is your DD.

My biggest dilemma at that age was disposing of them discreetly. I didn’t want anyone else in the house seeing any evidence of wrappers etc. I was SO embarrassed! Little paper bags were great for this!

I think it's a perfectly normal reaction to be sad when your child starts their periods at such a young age ,i also understand the op when she talks about the end of childhood.
Her feelings aren't extreme , i imagine lots of mothers feel similar in the same situation.
I don't think she needs anyone to remind her not to project either.

I'm shocked by this! Do you mind me asking where you have this stat from? My DD is 7 this year so if that stat is correct and 9 is now the average age then I have less time than I thought in terms of getting her (and me!) ready.

I absolutely agree with this 100% @KelmenaBallerina

Of course you feel upset as, she’s really young and as you say, fully in childhood having just seen Santa bless her. I’d feel exactly the same. It’s totally crap that this has happened so young. Do whatever you need to do, she’s your baby x

Agree with others. Period pants do not have to be tight. They should feel ultra comfy, soft and stretchy. Get a bigger size! Sh ed can wear a pad in her period pants if she is nervous about leaks. I think your reaction is very normal. Nobody loves bleeding (often accompanied by pain) for days every month. You'd have to be pretty strange if this was your idea of fun or something you want to happen to your very young daughter. We put a bright, brave face on it for our girls but come on!

I think this is a bit insensitive to the OP and sounds like there is "blame" to be allocated.

Op - I can understand your feelings. It does feel a very young age. It's a lot for them to manage. I'm sure your dd will cope but I think most mums would prefer periods to start a couple of years later if they could choose.

I taught Year 5 and 6 for many a year. A lot of mums' were emotional/ had a quick cry in the staffroom when they came to tell me. It is not an unusual response.

My DD started fairly young. She also disliked wearing period pants. I was advised by other class mums to inform her primary school teacher, which we did, and she had a chat with DD and that really really helped. She didn’t miss any school and within a few months was wearing period knickers because some other girls in her class did as well. Other than moaning about the cramps from time to time she has adjusted well. I am sure your DD will too. It’s a shock at first though xx

Yeah I think it's awful, your poor dd op. I remember when I was 11 and started and my mum's reaction was 'I'm so sorry' 😂
My friend's daughter has quite heavy periods age 8 and can't be prescribed anything useful by the GP because she is only 8. Just such a shame.

I honestly think changing pants is harder as trousers and shoes need to come off and go back on too. If you can cope with it, I'd really encourage you to try washable pads. I swapped for ecological reasons 15 years ago and the washable pads are so so much more comfortable. Softer, warmer, gentler, move less!
I have been lighter and in less pain since I made the change too.

Please don't be gutted ... it will conveyitself to your DD however hard you try to hide it. It is a lot for a 9 year old and it is good that you are there for her and offering her advice and support. Sometimes when girls start young they don't have another for a while. Help her to feel grownup and encourage her to feel she can deal with it and that you have faith in her. I said to my 3 girls that periods are an inconvenience but that every woman in the world has them so it is no big deal. I did not pretend they were great, but did not allow them to feel hard done by.
It will all be fine ... just give her a hug.