Family member said something I don’t like :(

[Sunflower2478]

Hi everyone,

Just looking to a bit of advice as I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not and need to check myself for being over sensitive!

My ten year old was being a bit impatient this morning about wanting to go back home from a family visit and a family member told him he was being a brat. Yes his behaviour was a bit irritating and I myself told him to settle down a bit, but overall hes a good kid and I don’t like hes been called that on Christmas Eve as well! 😭 I feel really annoyed.

what would your thoughts be?

thanks so much x

This! I don't think calling them a brat is the rude horrific thing you think OP.

If a 10 year old was being rude/grumpy/moaning to go home then I don't think it's unreasonable to call them a brat. They're 10! It someone said it to a 4/5 year old I'd think it's unreasonable as they haven't quite learned to manage their behaviour.

Surely a 10 year old is old enough to have manners and know how not to behave in someone else's home.

Christmas is very exciting and overwhelming for children in equal measure no matter the age. I don’t think the brat comment was appropriate just because he wanted to go home. We’re not the 50s where children should be seen and not heard. He was likely just expressing boredom like any other child would. Only you know if he exhibits entitled behaviour on a regular basis. If this was a one off behaviour-wise from your son I’d have bitten back at that family member because it’s not their place to chastise your child it’s yours.

Now imagine this took place in the classroom - Opinions would be totally opposite>

Thanks to the kind responses and to the ones who say “he was being a brat” well actually he wasn’t. Feel sorry for your kids if you have them!

At 10 years old (barring sen) he knows it's rude to whinge that he wants to go home while visiting family. Or should. Perhaps the family member was just a bit fed up that he's not been taught better manners.

It takes a village, and all that

As a mumsnet regular, I've observed that only applies when you want childcare.

Responses on mumsnet are often over the top about kids behaviour!

i was an exceptionally well behaved child - it did me no favours in life.

A child doesn’t have to be perfectly behaved - there is a certain level of bad behaviour that is within ‘normal range’ even for a 10 year old as they are still young and learning.

What the time of the year go to do with it??
At 10 he has should know better

I'd have said "we don't role model name calling to ds, it's rude"

Calling a child a brat is like calling a woman a bitch - pretty extreme

I think it must vary around the country then. It's really not that bad hereabouts (Yorkshire). I remember buying my daughter, at about that age, a quite expensive item that she'd had her eye on, but obviously didn't expect to get.
She knew it was hugely expensive but I said if she really wanted it she could
have it and call it her Xmas present. (mid November) I bought it there and then.

Later that day she said "So that's it? That's my Xmas present?" a bit huffy,
like she was being in some way ill-treated. I was taken aback and didn't respond.

The next morning she came downstairs a bit sheepishly and said "Sorry Mum, for being an ungrateful brat. Thank you for getting me the xxxx"
I'd never called her a brat so she got it from somewhere.

If this was a one off behaviour-wise from your son I’d have bitten back at that family member because it’s not their place to chastise your child it’s yours

What about "the village'? Because that's what the village is really all about.
Mumsnet thinks it's limited to childcare, but it's not.

The village is also there to teach them acceptable behaviour.

Sometimes it works wonders for someone not the parent to tell dc to stop. I know you say he was just being annoying but sometimes we are all a little used to our children's behavior we forget there is a whole big world that won't be cutting them any slack.

The “village” could also teach the adult how to talk appropriately to a child

Yes indeed.

Bloody hell quite a vague post and so many people quick to say yes being a brat! I would be annoyed too OP if someone called my child one it's not really their place

As someone upthread said, there’s a range of dolls called ‘Bratz’. They were huge in the early 2000s. Brats is hardly an abusive swearword.

So neither you nor your child like being criticised in any way, and will throw a strop if you are. Got it

@Sunflower2478 Just looking to a bit of advice as I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not and need to check myself for being over sensitive!

You're overreacting and being over sensitive.

It's parental attitudes like this that contributed to my decision to leave teaching.

I would consider that bratty, yes. Extremely rude

While it’s super common for kids to be over excited and badly behaved on Christmas Eve, it does no harm to tell them when they are being naughty.

I suspect that some of the problem is your view on the word brat. Unlike a previous post I saw I don’t think it’s the same as calling a woman a bitch - the equivalent would be calling a child a shit or fucker which is only acceptable on extreme situations like they were beating someone up or hurting animals. Your son was told he was we behaving like a brat rather than the more extreme he was a brat. (The latter means he’s always badly behaved )

I understand that as his mum, you’ll know that today was an unusual blip but you’ve not considered how stressful Christmas is for adults too and that your relative might have deserved a pass too?

I accept that I don’t know your relative and this could easily be a last straw situation but do they have kids ? Is there a history of them annoying you with their words? Is your son still bothered? Is this a relative that your son knows that you’re not very keen on? Do you think that the visit was a bit too long and in retrospect you should have made your excuses and left earlier ? Were there other kids there or something to do like play with someone ?

Not a 'horrible' comment at all. You posted asking for opinions and I gave mine.

Clearly from your responses you wanted everyone to tell you that family member was awful.

I suspect right.

He was in my parents house and neither had an issue with his behaviour either.

I think it was certainly no one else’s place to discipline him if it wasn’t even their house then, especially using unpleasant language. Was it a sibling or aunt/uncle of yours?

Post about him being impatient to go home again but this time pretend he’s an adult woman visiting her husband’s relatives, and you’ll get much more sympathetic responses.

Would never call someone else's child a brat to there face out of earshot maybe in private to my partner at home but to me that's just really cheeky and I don't blame you for feeling that way

What is up with all the shitty posts like this ^?

Take your apparent misery out on someone else.