Family member said something I don’t like :(

[Sunflower2478]

Hi everyone,

Just looking to a bit of advice as I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not and need to check myself for being over sensitive!

My ten year old was being a bit impatient this morning about wanting to go back home from a family visit and a family member told him he was being a brat. Yes his behaviour was a bit irritating and I myself told him to settle down a bit, but overall hes a good kid and I don’t like hes been called that on Christmas Eve as well! 😭 I feel really annoyed.

what would your thoughts be?

thanks so much x

Sounds like he was behaving like a brat?

Unacceptable. I would never say something like that to any child, let alone one who is not mine! What in earth made them think they had the right?! I would be furious.

Might not be worth confronting them though - the kind of person that thinks it's okay to speak like that to your child is the kind of person who won't react well to criticism.

He was being a brat.

Why does being said on Christmas Eve relevant? What is it relevant? That is Christmas Eve which really isn’t till tonight anyway? Why do we make such a big deal out of Christmas Eve until tonight? When it’s only Santa Claus? Is meant to come at night but yeah if he’s behaving like a brat is behaving like a brat deal with it.

Just let it go OP.

Be prepared for the next interaction involving this family member. Be clear in your mind what you are not comfortable with and how you might respond. For example ' He's tired and yes it's annoying but can you not call him a brat please'

It depends whether they really were being bratty or whether the family member is over stepping? It depends if the family member has form for saying things you don't like.

Just think those points through, be prepared for the next event together and just drop this last one.

He was being a brat though.

Doubt they meant to tar him as a brat for the rest of eternity, just commenting on one moment in time when he was bratty.

Thanks to the kind responses and to the ones who say “he was being a brat” well actually he wasn’t. Feel sorry for your kids if you have them!

Well, a 10yo should know better, you should have been more firm in curtailing the whining, and Christmas Eve is completely irrelevant. But the relative shouldn’t be calling anyone a brat either. It’s heightened emotions all round. Understandable for the child. Ridiculous from grown adults 🙄

Definitely being a brat at the age of 10, sorry

I also bet you are the type but will go to the school when the teacher says your child has done something wrong and you will be like no he cannot do anything wrong. He’s not done anything wrong at all.

What difference does it being Christmas eve mean?
Just let it go. It is a non issue.

If your was being a brat, you should have called your child on it yourself and not left it to the family member.

If the child was not being a brat, perhaps have a word with the family member?

But don't expect people to not comment on your child's bad behaviour, if they are behaving badly in ways that affect other people. Even if it is Christmas Eve.

It takes a village, and all that.

If you are visiting family and he keeps asking to leave then that’s rude. At 10 he’s old enough not to behave like that.

Tbh, many are wee brats at this time of year including my own at times where there's lots of excitement!

Depends, was he being a brat?

I think as parents we have a tendency to see our children's behaviour with rose-tinted specs. What seems like a bit of impatience to you, could have come across as really bratty behaviour to onlookers.

Maybe just let it go this time, be prepared for the next interaction with this family member and state that you don't appreciate your child being called a brat.

No not really, he gets told if he’s in the wrong and hence is generally a very well behaved kid as a result. Hence why I thought this morning was unnecessary.

Even though he’s a good kid the rest of the time, it sounds like at that moment he was being a brat. It was probably just a throwaway comment, and they’ve probably forgotten they’ve even said it. It’s not worth causing a family argument about. Just let it go.

It's one thing a child behaving in an irritating manner but quite another calling them a brat to their face. The relative could have just asked them to stop or whatever not called them names.

Saying a child is BEING a brat is milder than saying they ARE a brat. It’s rude to keep saying you want to go home during a visit and 10 is plenty old enough to know that. You family member was pointing it out perhaps because you didn’t.

What does Christmas eve have to do with it???

At 10, he should know better. Your responses OP are rather bizarre!

I probably wouldn’t have called him a brat as it’s just not a word I use typically, but I agree it’s quite rude for him to have been doing that if he was in earshot of other family.

Maybe speak to your relative and say you understand your sons behaviour wasn’t great, but out of personal preference you’d like if they didn’t use that word on him as it’s not a word you use at home.

Some parents are very happy to call their children a brat, and don’t think it’s a big deal for anyone else to say it but some may view it as a more insulting word.

Pretty nasty calling him a brat. I would’ve spoke up.

'stop behaving like a brat/twat/arse/bellend'
Is reasonable if the person is acting up. They're not saying your permanent state of being is that of an annoying person. But they're just saying stop acting annoying. Which is fair enough really. I often need to hear that myself!

So how did you handle his rudeness?

How do you decide if he’s in the wrong though?

I had a childhood friend who every other day she’d message me to say how she was calling the school to challenge a detention, a teacher telling off her child etc

She too would claim she will back the school if her kids in the wrong but in reality
she would listen to “both sides” to determine if her child “was in the wrong” which involved listening to her child, believing them 99% of the time then interrogating school staff .