Family member said something I don’t like :(

[Sunflower2478]

Hi everyone,

Just looking to a bit of advice as I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not and need to check myself for being over sensitive!

My ten year old was being a bit impatient this morning about wanting to go back home from a family visit and a family member told him he was being a brat. Yes his behaviour was a bit irritating and I myself told him to settle down a bit, but overall hes a good kid and I don’t like hes been called that on Christmas Eve as well! 😭 I feel really annoyed.

what would your thoughts be?

thanks so much x

Reading this thread I feel like brat was reclassified as a swear word but I missed the memo. Since when is it equal to calling a woman a bitch???

And this attitude is why kids continue to be brats.

Absolutely!
Brat isn’t that big a deal; they didn’t call him a little arsehole.

Your 10 year old was being annoying, you reprimanded him, he kept on. Your family member said “don’t be a brat,” and you got huffy.

You’re being oversensitive, OP. Don’t fret it too much.

Gosh, so many horrible comments on this post!

and you suspect wrong.

Kids like that are generally considered disrespectful and also best avoided.

Yep. Very bizarre. Should have known better than to post!

Depends who said it. If it was a 25 year old relative who had no kids and no idea what it’s like having whining kids I’d think ‘what a twat’. If it was his Granny or Grandad who were close to him and help out with childcare and know him well I’d think it was ok.

Surely it depends. If my DH called my DS a pain in the neck, I’d be fine with it. If my cousin who I see once a year did I would think it was out of order.

There are even dolls called Bratz. It's not a terrible word!

Even if it was true?

You posted after advice and wanted to know if you were overreacting but people are horrible for telling you they think you were 🙄

Name calling isn’t a good example to set for a child.

I don’t have children and there will be a child tomorrow at my family Christmas, who, does indeed behave like a bit of a brat. I will say absolutely nothing, because it is not my place and actually, it is not the child’s fault because the adults around them have made the child that way. The parents of the child think that child is absolutely wonderful and can do no wrong. I find it makes for a tedious day.

So whilst I agree that it isn’t great to be rude to a child, ten is old enough to find out that if you’re rude to some people, they might be rude back. You said yourself your son was being ‘mildly irritating’ - maybe relative has a lower tolerance for him than you do.

Regardless of his behaviour, it isn't acceptable for another adult to use words like that to describe him.

It is mean, unnecessary and rude.

If they have an issue they can speak to you, the parent.

I remember a few times where adults said unkind things about me as a child and it really stuck with me.

"brat" said in that way is quite harsh.

They could say "you are being a bit rude/loud and it is hurting my feelings" to him.
But I don't think the way they addressed it was appropriate at all.

You must be new here?

"AIBU?"
"Yes"
"I feel sorry for your kids"

To be honest, it doesn't sound like he was being a brat per se but low level brat or a normal annoying kid. It wasn't nice for the relative to say but likely it wasn't meant as harshly as it was received?

Essentially, brat is subjective as is acceptable behaviour. If this relative comes from children should be seen and not heard era then you have your answer. Just speak to your kid about expectations and your relative so it doesn't grow into something it doesn't have to.

Merry Christmas 🎄

Think they did you a favour calling it out and this is what happens if people don't think you are parenting effectively.

They haven't done it in the best way but they have actually made a point and perhaps it's time to deal with the behaviour

It’s hard to say as I wasn’t there, but he’s ten years old, I think he should know better. He was at a family members house “being impatient” and “moaning about wanting to go home”… I have to say that does sound very rude of him OP. When I think back to being ten myself and visiting family, I wouldn’t have DREAMT of saying anything like that, and my mum certainly wouldn’t have allowed it.

It’s not anyone’s right to call a child that is not theirs a brat. If they had issues they speak to the parent

OP you haven't actually said what he said to the family member to result in being called a brat? Perhaps if there was more context people could judge - if you were so sure he was behaving fine why did you have to tell him to settle down?

Many reasons could explain that. You dint need to be a genius to know that the child might have been ill recently and hasn’t fully recovered yet. It’s only the start of the hols after the longest term of the year (all children are shattered then) etc….

One parent’s brat is another’s little darling, of course. I couldn’t get my knickers in a twist about this personally. My word, some of us MNers get terribly worked up over trivia sometimes but as it’s Xmas could we all just, metaphorically, of course, give ourselves a hug and have a drink together.

Mithering to go home in front of your host, I assume grandparents in this case, is rude and disrespectful. Ergo, it is the behaviour of a brat. Maybe he isn't the rest of the time, but at that point, he was being a brat.

What a stretch… 😂
Op made no mention of the child being ill. Or even tired, for that matter. Why invent nonsense like that?

I don't understand, do you only want supportive responses?
And we all think our children aren't being as brattish as they may appear to others

Even if he was being a brat I would NEVER in a million years day that to someone else's child, extremely rude. I would be fuming.

There is a difference between being told you are being/ behaving like a brat vs being told 'you are a brat.' Sounds like it was the former which I don't think is a big deal really (especially as it sounds like he was being difficult to get his own way.)