Family member said something I don’t like :(

[Sunflower2478]

Hi everyone,

Just looking to a bit of advice as I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not and need to check myself for being over sensitive!

My ten year old was being a bit impatient this morning about wanting to go back home from a family visit and a family member told him he was being a brat. Yes his behaviour was a bit irritating and I myself told him to settle down a bit, but overall hes a good kid and I don’t like hes been called that on Christmas Eve as well! 😭 I feel really annoyed.

what would your thoughts be?

thanks so much x

My thoughts are you expect your in laws not to dare to open their mouth in their own home.
No thanks to child visitors.

I don't like the use of the word "brat," but I think that children do need to learn that part of the social contract is to be polite, especially when they are in other people's homes. I would have no problem with a family member commenting to my child that they were rude. It really should take a village, but so many parents these days think that they are the only ones who should correct a child.

I would never call someone else’s kid a brat within earshot of them or the parents! It’s rude and bound to cause offence.

If a kid is dicking about, not doing as they've been told, actively making it difficult for adults because they're not getting their own way, then yes, they're being a brat. Hearing the truth every now and again about how their behaviour affects and annoys others won't hurt them; if anything, it will do them a favour in the long run.

No l wouldn't like it.
Most kids hate visiting.
I'd have said something and left with him.
Brat is an horrid word.

Well he did get told he was in the wrong, did he stop being irritating and settle down after that?

Incredibly rude to be overtly wishing to leave someone’s house, especially if those people have put effort in to his Christmas.

Completely agree.

You’re right but unfortunately some don’t understand the meaning of “it takes a village” nowadays unless they’re looking for free childcare or presents for their kids.

Was he being a brat? Other people usually only say something when the parent hasn’t…

Is brat really bad in your view?

Saying stop behaving like brat/dick/being difficult/difficult/irritating - doesn't seem so bad to me - but there are ways of phrasing - at someone else house it wold probably be a polite could you stop (or if possible moving away) - were they clumsy with the phrasing - or is this a how dare anyone tell my child off thing?

My godchildren now aged 6-15 have never behaved like that in my house.

Whether they hate visiting or not they at least keep it to themselves or tell their mum after they leave mine - because they’re not rude.

When a child is behaving brattishly (whinging, whining, pestering, petulance) in my company then I have nil issue with telling them to stop being a brat.

I don’t care whose child it is.

🤷‍♀️

No he wasn’t, and that’s my point. Probably didn’t explain myself very well originally. It was way too harsh for what was happening. If he was being one I would have called him on his behaviour. I shouldn’t have posted this because nobody responding was there. Nevermind. End of topic for me.

Sorry re-read - it was in someone else house - well they must have felt they had to step if it was their house and must have felt you weren't handling it.

Probably why you are annoyed - you were being judged as not having dealt with the situation properly as otherwise they probably wouldn't have said anything.

Maybe do shorter visits or meet somewhere neutral in future.

Yep this

If he’s so upset about being accused of being a brat, maybe he’ll think twice before behaving that way in future. Good result.

I would have no issue saying dont be rude but stop being a brat is another level.

A brat is still a brat by any other name.
(Shakespeare)

😜

If a family member said my DD was being a brat I'd tell them they were being an arsehole 🤷🏻‍♀️

Brat is a horrible word and I'd be really unhappy if a family member called my child that.

You do children no favours in not pointing out anti social behaviour, sometimes a hurty word works best too. At least they didn’t say Spoilt Brat. Or arsehole. Or twat.

It does read like you are having quite an emotional reaction to this comment, and maybe that’s because it’s hit a nerve. Landed on a truth. Maybe you know deep down that he is a bit of a brat, and that you need to do something about it, it’s no biggie, all dcs go through various stages of being brats or potential brats, it’s not necessarily a reflection on you, they push boundaries all the time, and your job is to ensure he doesn’t remain in brat mode, which you can do quite easily,

There is a massive difference is saying a behaviour is currently rude and saying a child is a brat. It is the difference between saying the behaviour is a problem or the child is a problem.

So what is the current preferred way to tell a child who is being a brat not to be?

Shut up and sit down?

I think you’re being over-sensitive, and the fact you’ve said it’s the end of discussion for you, just because people aren’t on your side, is immature. Being called a brat really isn’t such a bad thing. Children need to be told off sometimes, otherwise they grow up into unpleasant adults and don’t learn how to behave.

How about, you are being rude, you need to wait patiently for x amount of time / while I do x.

What a snarky response!
Tell your son not to be a brat if he doesn’t want people thinking he is.
It’s perfectly simple.
No need for faux sympathy for other posters.
You’re the one with the brat!