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Original poster

Will my friend be allowed around my kids??

82 replies

HaZelzo · 17/12/2024 13:53

hi basically my friend has had all her children removed due to her past relationship around DV.
i was wondering would this stop her from being allowed around my children or anything????)

OP posts:
Stillherestillpraying · 17/12/2024 13:54

Amazed you would want her to be.

Marblesbackagain · 17/12/2024 13:57

Really? You are questioning having a person around your children who isn't deemed capable of making appropriate decisions for their children?.

Please can you try and get some support because your question raises a lot of concern about your critical analysis skills.

Original poster
HaZelzo · 17/12/2024 13:57

The situations wasnt her fault it was the men who she was with who was causing Dv to herself which put her in a situation making SS removing them

OP posts:

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Families
CoralRubyFish · 17/12/2024 13:58

Are you asking if people who have had their kids taken off them are legally banned from being around children generally? I don't think that is the case.

coxesorangepippin · 17/12/2024 14:00

Who is they??

The sensible adult in the situation?!?

LuckysDadsHat · 17/12/2024 14:00

It is unlikely she wouldn't be able to be around your kids. Whether you want her to be is a different question. I would never have her babysit for instance as she has very, very poor judgement. SS have such a high threshold for removal and she would have had numerous chances to end the relationship and keep her children so she has chosen men over her children.

TheFlis · 17/12/2024 14:02

I hate to victim blame but social services don’t remove children lightly, she will have been given multiple chances and support but ultimately chose the relationships over her kids safety. That is her fault.

andweallsingalong · 17/12/2024 14:26

Firstly, it was her fault. Even after many, many chances she but a violent bloke before her kids proving herself incapable of safeguarding them.

Secondly, unless she's likely to turn up with a bloke in tow of course there is no issues her being around you and your kids whilst you are there to safeguard. I wouldn't let her babysit through...

BobbyBiscuits · 17/12/2024 14:28

If you're saying should you leave them alone with her. Probably not. But if it's due to DV rather than her hurting or neglecting them then it's not like you shouldn't let her socialise with you and the children.

HPandthelastwish · 17/12/2024 14:30

There won't be anything legally stopping her unless she's on a sexual register or similar.

I wouldn't be leaving my child in her sole care either, but if you are talking about meeting up for coffee then there is unlikely anyone that can stop that.

Snorlaxo · 17/12/2024 14:32

If she’d chosen the kids over her relationship then she’d probably still have her kids. I know it would have been difficult starting again and leaving but many women do this for the sake of their kids and themselves.

I wouldn’t stop her from seeing my kids but I wouldn’t have her babysit or see them unsupervised, especially if she’s in a relationship with the abuser or a new man. She is not in a good headspace to make decisions about relationships so I wouldn’t trust that her judgement would help keep my kids safe.

Comedycook · 17/12/2024 14:33

What does being around them mean? Babysitting or just being there if you meet her for a coffee?

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/12/2024 14:34

TheFlis · Today 14:02

I hate to victim blame but social services don’t remove children lightly, she will have been given multiple chances and support but ultimately chose the relationships over her kids safety. That is her fault.

This. We all have free will. If a woman (or man) is consistently putting bad relationships ahead of the safety of their children, they don’t deserve to have them.

DaisyChain505 · 17/12/2024 14:37

SS wouldn’t have taken her children as a first resort. They would have told her not to see the man again. She obviously didn’t do this which meant the children were still in danger therefore leading SS to have no other choice but to remove them.

Your friend put a man/men before her children.

Ohnonotmeagain · 17/12/2024 14:39

HaZelzo · 17/12/2024 13:57

The situations wasnt her fault it was the men who she was with who was causing Dv to herself which put her in a situation making SS removing them

agree with pp- it was her responsibility to keep her children away from a man who posed a danger to them.

she will have had multiple interventions by ss to help before the children were removed.

i know it’s often more complicated than her simply choosing to keep seeing him, but I’d have moved to the arse end of the world and got a new identity before giving up my kids.

i would not have someone who exposes their own kids to that sort of danger around me or mine, sorry.

Marblesbackagain · 17/12/2024 14:40

HaZelzo · 17/12/2024 13:57

The situations wasnt her fault it was the men who she was with who was causing Dv to herself which put her in a situation making SS removing them

With respect she obviously is a risk or they wouldn't remove her children. I strongly suspect you are getting a portion of the truth.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/12/2024 14:41

She will be allowed unless there are other reasons. And there are often other reasons women 'choose' this path. Complex PTSD, trauma, head injuries, poor decision making, addiction, mental health issues. Be a little careful.

She made choices that aren't supportive of child welfare for her own children. And the pull to protect your own is very strong. Probably no babysitting.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 17/12/2024 14:43

HaZelzo · 17/12/2024 13:57

The situations wasnt her fault it was the men who she was with who was causing Dv to herself which put her in a situation making SS removing them

Don't be ridiculous. You think every battered woman has their child automatically snatched away? She will have been given chance after chance after chance. Also, she's done this repeatedly as you say 'men'. Why on earth do u want to be friends with this person or subject your children to her?

oakleaffy · 17/12/2024 14:51

HaZelzo · 17/12/2024 13:57

The situations wasnt her fault it was the men who she was with who was causing Dv to herself which put her in a situation making SS removing them

No excuse.
She would have been given chance after chance after chance- but put disgusting men first.

It was her choice.

Hesonlyakidharry · 17/12/2024 14:58

HaZelzo · 17/12/2024 13:57

The situations wasnt her fault it was the men who she was with who was causing Dv to herself which put her in a situation making SS removing them

There are literally a hundred steps before they remove the children, including telling her to leave the men (and supporting her through those moves). She would have been given the choice between staying with the men and keeping her kids or keeping her kids and leaving the men. So she chose the men?

And the facf that you say men… she has done this more than once. It is her fault. These are her choices. She cannot be trusted to make the right decisions around children. Do not ever let her be in a position of responsibility around yours.

TheSilkWorm · 17/12/2024 15:00

It's entirely your decision! Who would stop her if not you?

gamerchick · 17/12/2024 15:02

HaZelzo · 17/12/2024 13:57

The situations wasnt her fault it was the men who she was with who was causing Dv to herself which put her in a situation making SS removing them

You've missed out the bit where she chose not to get rid of him.

HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 17/12/2024 15:02

I'm not going to join in the chorus of victim blaming here, all I will say is that you are responsible for making good choices and safeguarding your own children. For me, that would mean that she couldn't have them unsupervised because I don't trust the men that may be around her.

My DS used to be friends with the child of a known addict whose mother wasn't allowed any contact: he was a lovely wee lad and I was absolutely happy for my DS to play with him at primary school, but we went to the park together and he never went to the child's house.

mindutopia · 17/12/2024 15:05

No, she won’t be banned from being around other people’s children. I have a family member who served time in prison for child sexual abuse and even he was not banned from contact with children, as long as the contact was less than 12 hours/no overnights. (We obviously are no contact with him because he’s a paedophile but all the other children in the family spend time with him and this was approved as part of his probation/release).

That said, your friend has terrible judgment and should never be left to supervise your children in any way without you present, regardless of what SS might allow. Fine to meet for a coffee, not fine for her to have your dc for an overnight.

TallulahBetty · 17/12/2024 15:07

HaZelzo · 17/12/2024 13:57

The situations wasnt her fault it was the men who she was with who was causing Dv to herself which put her in a situation making SS removing them

This wouldn't happen unless she chose the relationship over her kids' safety. So yes, it is her fault.