Baby left with grandparents for 4 nights. Worrying it will impact him!

[HEIHEI23]

Our 12 week old baby went for a sleepover at grandparents last night. This morning me and husband have come down with stomach bug/food poisoning and have been so ill all day. We are terrified about him catching it so my parents have agreed to keep him until Wednesday and then he will go to other grandparents until Thursday. This will then put us out of the 48 hour mark of being contagious. He has been going to their houses for sleepovers since 8 weeks old. This wasn’t through choice but because I was very very unwell with PPD. I’m so worried that I’m damaging his development by him staying out for 4 nights and he will think we have abandoned him 😞 he is our first baby and I hate the thought of him thinking we’ve just left him behind but I don’t want him to catch what we’ve had as it’s been absolutely awful and can’t imagine what it would be like for a little baby. Please reassure me he will be ok and won’t be traumatised by it all 🙈

It sounds like he’s right where he needs to be OP. Just concentrate on getting well

You are doing the right thing.

I suspected I had food poisoning a few weeks ago as I had ate a dodgy kebab the night before. Didn’t possibly think it could be anything else.

I was horrendously ill for 3 days and then my husband and little one also started with the same symptoms.

Rest up and get well soon x

Hope both you and your husband recover quickly.

Don't let some of the responses get to you. You're doing the best job for your family you can with the circumstances you've been dealt. Your son is being well cared for and will be happy with grandparents he knows well.

You've done the right thing OP. If what you have turns out to be infectious I certainly wouldn't want a small baby to have it.
Rest and recover Your baby is with his grandparents who he knows and who love him. It's not like you've left him with total strangers. He will be fine

Where is your evidence that OP’s baby will be fine?

Not only is it likely to very baby/caregiver dependent, but also pretty sure it’s impossible to know precisely what a 12 week old is thinking and feeling.

Just because there is no lasting damage doesn’t mean that the baby isn’t deeply distressed in the moment.

I don’t know that it will be, but equally you don’t know that it won’t.

An infectious disease is one that is caused by a microbe eg bacteria or virus. A contagious disease is an infectious disease that can spread from person to person. An example of an infectious disease that is not contagious would be something like Lyme disease - a bacterial infection that enters from a tick bite, but cannot then be passed onto other humans.

The main causative agents of food poisoning (campylobacter, salmonella, E. coli etc are both infectious and contagious. They are passed from human to human via the faecal-oral route.

Hope that helps to clear things up for you.

When DS was 7 months old, both DH and I were struck down with a nasty tummy bug. Not sure if it was Norovirus or food poisoning. But it was shocking.

We had no choice but to look after DS on our own. We took it in turns to look after DS but could only manage an hour at a time. Those couple of days were absolutely horrendous.

16 years later and I think we were bloody stupid to not ask for help. That we could have put DS at risk as both of us were so poorly. But MIL was undergoing chemo and my dad had just had a stroke. We had no one to ask.

You are absolutely right to not have DS back just yet. It isn't ideal but it is the best thing for all of you right now. He is with loving grandparents and will be well cared for.

Rest, sleep, keep your fluids up. Then sleep some more.

I'd personally not put any sort of time limit on it.
Practice good hygiene and baby won't get unwell.
I'd be collecting my baby the second I felt well enough to.
However, that would be more for my own sanity. I'm sure your baby's happy and quite oblivious, given his age.

Would you still be as happy with your choices when your baby end up ill with the bug, possibly ending up in hospital?

It's much more sensible to wait the 48hrs and massively reduce the risk of the baby getting ill.

Ugh yes we had the same when our DS was around 6 months. Horrific. In our case all 3 of us became ill at the same time, DS included, so getting in outside help was really not an option. To make matters worse, DS was an ebf bottle refuser who was still feeding every 90 minutes through the night(!) so there was little DH could do to help. I started gradually night-weaning him as soon as he was 100% better because I couldn’t bear the thought of another night like that one ever again!

Perhaps you should consider whether your posts are necessary or kind.

Sorry - I didn’t realise we were only supposed to post on this thread if we agreed with the OP? She asked a question and I answered it.

And unlike other posters I haven’t said anything hyperbolic or unkind - only pointed out the truth - which is that no one posting on this thread can say what the impact will be on her newborn baby, and to disagree with pps who said that 12 week olds only care when their needs are met. 12 week olds very much know who their mothers are, and want to be with them.

It does, actually, thanks!

In terms of attachment this is likely to be fine because the grandparents are a secondary attachment figure with him going there frequently. It would be different if it was a total stranger. And even this is necessary sometimes e.g. hospital care.

Don't worry, focus on getting better, you'll be back together in no time. And if you think you have food poisoning consider reporting it. The supermarket or restaurant should follow the proper procedures.

Sorry you’re so poorly OP and sounds awful having to make this decision. I think your baby will be completely fine OP. Sorry some of the responses on here have not been very empathetic considering this is meant to be a platform supporting mothers. As plenty of PPs have stated, as long as they’re fed, watered and in loving care they will be fine and completely will not know you’ve been gone as soon as you’re back.

I suppose a learning point is that when it comes to parenting people will always have strong opinions (usually based on their own individual experience / thoughts) which don’t always match yours but it’s important to trust your gut and your instinct as a Mum as you’re not raising their kid, and your the only person who knows what it’s like to be you.

At 12 weeks their seperation anxiety stage hasnt kicked in yet - personally I found it a lot easier to leave my baby at 3 months than at 6 months due to this although appreciate everyone’s situation is the same.

I strongly believe that healthy/ happy Mum = happy baby. If it would make you feel better you could always do a covid style doorstop visit without touching baby once you’re able to move but not out of the 48hr window.

Feel better soon x

Get a grip. If being left with loving grandparents who are responding to the baby's needs is the full extent of their childhood trauma they'll be living a charmed life.

The baby will know that he or she is not with his mother and will have no idea whether and if so when she is ever coming back.

If this was an absolute necessity it would be different, but it’s not, and certainly not for 4 nights. Most people would not choose this for their 12 week old and I think suggesting otherwise is unrealistic.

Talking about other trauma that the child may or may not experience is irrelevant. You would have had to prise my 12 week old from my cold dead arms before I would have done this, vomiting bug or not.

Even if it meant putting your baby at risk? We’ve already had one hospital admission with him since he was born which was absolutely awful. I can’t stand the thought of him getting ill again especially if it could be avoided. From the many other comments on the thread, lots of people seem to think it’s the best option for a little baby to not be ill and have his needs met. I can’t even look after myself at the moment let alone a baby! From the pictures I’ve been sent he looks like he’s having a ball.

But then it's all about you, and what you want because you don't want to be separated from you baby, rather than what's best for the baby, which is not to catch a vomiting bug.

I strongly believe that babies should not be separated from their mothers unless it is absolutely essential. Usually the baby’s and mother’s needs and wants are aligned, though clearly not in this case.

Obviously sometimes it is just unavoidable, but not when it is just a vomiting bug and not for 4 nights.

I had numerous illnesses when mine were small and I never outsourced their care other than getting my sister to take them on a few pram nap walks. I was hospitalised when my DC2 was 5 months old (with covid) and she was admitted with me. The hospital facilitated this in recognition of the fact that such a small baby (twice the age of OP’s baby) shouldn’t be away from their mother where possible.

🥇 🥇 🥇

That’s good that your baby was able to go with you. However, I wouldn’t feel comfortable putting his health at risk if it was possibly avoidable. Everyone’s different though so if you’re comfortable with your choices then that’s great! I’m missing him an unbelievable amount and can’t wait to have him back (and also actually be able to stand up without almost blacking out).

I hope your baby gets to see you again soon OP. Are you still planning on waiting until Thursday?

OP, you do what you need to do. Your baby will not be traumatised, they're with people they know. I mean, do any of us remember what happened to us for 4 days when we were 12 weeks old? I'm gonna say no!

Were you mentally well, it might be different and you could power through the sickness and care for baby as lots of mums (myself included) have had to do. But you're not mentally well, and you need the support.

For what it's worth, I went into hospital for a week when my son was a baby, just a couple of months older than your baby. We couldn't have visitors because the hospital had a norovirus outbreak, and yet he survived! He spent nights with DH and days with my Mum. I was away for 8 nights.

Be kind to yourself OP, there are no medals for powering through. The help is there, use it.