4 year old son has asked for fairy wings and wand for Christmas

[Jenb1993]

Our 4 year old son has asked for a fairy wand and purple fairy wings for Christmas. My husband is not impressed and has said we need to stop him watching ‘Ben and Holly’s kingdom’ as this is clearly where he has got the idea from and we can not get him this for Christmas.

He has asked for three things this Christmas. A fairy wand, fairy wings and a police car. He wakes up in the morning telling me how excited he is for Santa to come and how he has been dreaming about getting a wand and fairy wings.

My husband tried to tell him that girls are only fairy’s and he should ask for dragon wings but our son doesn’t understand and desperately wants fairy wings.

I personally don’t have a problem with this, I love his imagination and I know that it’s just a phase. He really thinks this is what Santa will be getting him.

Just wanting some opinions and advice on how I should approach this with my husband.

First post nails it.

On one of the American dance programmes there's a joyful episode of very manly Channing Tatum dressing up, singing and dancing as Elsa simply to impress his young daughter.

your DH is an arse. I have a lovely photo of my (now bearded and tattooed builder) son in his fairy wings. It reminds me of a lovely time when he enjoyed imaginative play.

This is an interesting take, thank you for replying.

Why do you say 4 year olds aren't seriously exploring gender? I think I agree, but I'm not sure.

Are you speaking with any authority (e.g. early years specialist?). My thinking is that whilst a child's thoughts won't be so mature, the influences and norms shaping them by their cultural surroundings will be incredibly formative. I'm not sure I agree with you when you say that gender ideology is 'imposed on them' as their understanding of gender will rarely be conscious/deliberate, most likely subconscious.

Both ds's had dolls when they were little. Ds 2 had a doll, a bed for her, clothes to dress it in and various other so-called girly toys. As an adult he is happily married to my wonderful Dil, they have two gorgeous children and D's is very much a hands on dad. His job as a first responder means he works shifts so takes an equal share of the childcare and household responsibilities. Maybe having his dolly and all her paraphernalia actually helped him to become the rather wonderful person he is today. If either of my dad's had wanted fairy wings and a wand, they would have got them. Same goes for dgs. Toys are for all children, regardless of whether they have dangly bits between their legs or not.

I agree with your husband

Why, what’s the problem with what their DS has asked for?

It’s important to teach children what is and isn’t acceptable, or they are at risk of judgements/exclusion/bullying

Why on earth isn’t a fairy wand and wings acceptable for a 4 year old?

They are expressing themselves, why would you want to quash that? It should be encouraged, build their confidence in their choices.

Ugh. Such a toxic attitude and I presume related, deep down, to a fear of his son being gay? Of course you aren't being unreasonable. I give the following scenarios with the caveats that being gay doesn't mean you are into 'girly' things, and he could be other things besides just straight and gay. Anyway:

If he's straight and he is given his fairy things, it will not change his sexuality, he will be happy, and growing up, he's more likely to be tolerant of the tastes of all his peers.

If he's gay and he is not given his fairy things, it will not change his sexuality, he will be unhappy, and he will grow up believing there is something fundamentally wrong with who he is.

So giving the fairy wings will be the least damaging option either way.

Get your DH to watch the movie “tooth fairy” with the rock, that should shut him up.

OP not been back?

While your husband is being ridiculous, you won't get anywhere telling him to stop being ridiculous as the majority of posters have advised you. It might be worth having a proper conversation with your husband to find out exactly what his problem is and what he is scared of. If you can force him to articulate his shoddy logic, he's more likely to come round to your way of thinking than if you just tell him off

He would've had an aneurysm at my son's christmas nativity where there were four boy angels, including Gabriel, played with aplomb by a boy in an astronaut costume. I spent some time wondering why my little cherub wasn't cast as an angel, until he spent most of the performance chewing on his shirt. Not very angelic behaviour, but possibly so for a villager.

Don't be silly. That's giving in to bullies.