4 year old son has asked for fairy wings and wand for Christmas

[Jenb1993]

Our 4 year old son has asked for a fairy wand and purple fairy wings for Christmas. My husband is not impressed and has said we need to stop him watching ‘Ben and Holly’s kingdom’ as this is clearly where he has got the idea from and we can not get him this for Christmas.

He has asked for three things this Christmas. A fairy wand, fairy wings and a police car. He wakes up in the morning telling me how excited he is for Santa to come and how he has been dreaming about getting a wand and fairy wings.

My husband tried to tell him that girls are only fairy’s and he should ask for dragon wings but our son doesn’t understand and desperately wants fairy wings.

I personally don’t have a problem with this, I love his imagination and I know that it’s just a phase. He really thinks this is what Santa will be getting him.

Just wanting some opinions and advice on how I should approach this with my husband.

My DS (now 8) went through a real princess phase including having a Cinderella dress. He also loved Frozen and his most beloved possession for quite some time was a wand he got with a Frozen Magazine once (lit up and made noises).
He's outgrown the phase, largely, but won't part with the dress. He couldn't fit into it (it's for age 4) but he likes having it in the wardrobe

He also has the most secure sense of self of any kid I know. Happy with lotw of buy things but doesn't feel any fear in girl things. Writes his own songs and will sing in front of anyone. Totally secure in a 'this is me and I like what i like' kind of way. Love it.

Because Gordon Ramsey is the most effeminate woman around.

This is just a stage they go through at age 4 and quite normal.

I have B/G twins. They just played with all the toys. Whether they were supposed to be for girls or boys. It’s because they were children!

YDHIBU

Should I have stopped my daughter from playing with a train set? Oh hell, my husband loves flowers. Now I'm really worried.

Without a doubt get the fairy wings. Go for it ♥️

My 5 year old son has asked for a Storm trooper set and a baby doll 😂 and of course Santa will oblige.

@Jenb1993 My son had a Batman cape made by me ( wings?) and a star ⭐️ wand ditto
And a Barbie doll with ribbon dresses.

He’s a man now who rides old Harleys- Your husband is being daft!

Does your husband think it means your son is gay? Has he got a problem with homosexuality?
Just get him what he wants and tell your husband to get a life.
What does he want to buy for him? Boxing gloves? Even that isn't exclusive to one sex.

How would fairies survive if there weren't boy fairies? Doesn't your DH understand biology?

Get him the wings and wand :) My son did exactly the same at that age as he was obssessed with Ben and Holly!! He had a little pushchair as well. He is now a smelly 15 year old with the obligatory fluffy hair do. Those innocent days go by in a flash.

I do worry though - have a serious chat with husband. (Unrelated to a 4 Yr old wanting fairy wings) what IF your son grew up and was gay?
He needs to get over himself now.

Your DH is being ridiculous. Does he think your DS is going to become less heterosexual than he otherwise would be, or less capable of recognising that he is male, if he wears fairy wings? That is not how it works. These things are not controlled by external factors, although I suspect that parental pressure to suppress such imaginative play does correlate with more explosively OTT self-expression later on. A 4 year old boy can be a dragon or a fairy or Princess Elsa or a Gruffalo or a mermaid or a puppy called Spot or a Unicorn or a magic kingfisher or a bus driver. So can a 4yo girl. None of it is significant in how their adult personality will be.

Get him a fairy wand&wings and a police play set and a couple of other dress-up things too. Encourage all kinds of imaginative play.

Hand him a grip.

There are some gorgeous ones on here.
https://mimiandlula.com/collections/dress-up

And here
https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1795183454/green-iridescent-greenblue-fairy-wings?click_key=e2be19fb299cb056241cbd0ab40c43fdbcd4e658%3A1795183454&click_sum=6ff58eef&ref=shop_home_active_7&frs=1&crt=1&sts=1

🙄

Some boy fairies for your DH.

I think now is the time to have a proper chat with your husband about this. His old fashioned and out dated approach is really sad and he needs to understand that his behaviour could cause all sorts of issues for your son.

He's telling your son that what he likes/wants is 'bad'. Imagine what that will do to your son's self esteem? Honestly, you need to nip this in the bud now before your husband does any more damage.

Your husband is being unreasonable. The child is 4! They're just kids at that age, a blank slate who could grow up to have any kind of sexual orientation.

A male Gay friend from Tough Yorkshire area remember not being allowed to have an Action Man as a child as his dad thought they were “ dolls”.

Ironically friend thinks his dad may well have been a closeted Gay man hence the absolute dread of “ girls “ things.

Did you know this about your husband before you decided to have children? Having parents who are so into gender stereotyping is so damaging, way beyond disappointment on one Christmas day.

4 is the prime age for imaginative role play. When my son was 4 all he wanted was Disney’s entire stock of Disney characters, mainly the princesses but also eg Gaston and Sven. He had a play kitchen with food and toys. He had a toy hoover and iron. He had a doll in a pram called Susan who came everywhere with us.

Rest assured he is now a very typical 11 year old who only wants to play football and play COD.

ETA I saved all the above and will be passing them onto my 2 year old son.

I know the point of the thread is the husband being an arsehole, but I just wanted to recommend these wings: https://www.amazon.co.uk/MUNCASO-Costume-Princess-Unicorn-Headband/dp/B09KTYDSH1/ref=asc_df_B09KTYDSH1?mcid=988f4e9b74d83cf7bf5335ecc090d2e1&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=697244260713&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=12006307517668948496&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9180791&hvtargid=pla-1605383294813&psc=1&gad_source=1
I got this set for toddler DS last Christmas because he told me Santa was getting him a rainbow tutu, and the wings were surprisingly good quality. The unicorn headband was shit though and broke within 5 minutes.

Pop the husband in the bin. Your son deserve a decent role model

Ah, that's lovely. Of course he should have them.

When DDs were little I loved buying the ELC little people. The pirates used to have some time off from pirating and take tea with the fairies and the fairies went off for swashbuckling adventures on the high seas. I would have taken the same approach if they had been boys.

Agree that DH should be reminded it's practically 2025 and we're no longer making pink/traditionally 'girlie' things something to be ashamed of. Bet if he had a daughter and she wanted to be a warrior that would be fine. I'm remember being a kid if I dressed up as a knight with my brothers that was fine but if they wore my princess dress it was commented on. The result? I never wanted to be a princess/play the girls parts because I assumed they were something that we shouldn't want to be. It's a cruddy way to raise humans.

Google suggests there's no individual word for male fairy vs female, there are just fairies. Oberon was the king of the fairies, he's meant to be strapping and badass.

Definitely get him the wings OP. One of my fave photos of my children when they were small they're both dressed as princesses. The joy is precious!!

He does realise that there are multiple male fairies on Ben and Holly right? King Thistle, Tarquin and the mayor (Boris Johnson lookalike) to name a few.
My, now 15 yo son absolutely loved puss in boots and frozen and would alternate between dressing up as a cat and Elsa I loved watching his imaginative play, this hasn't harmed him in any way at all.