My Mum sold a car that isn’t legally hers?

[Lilly1102]

Last year my Mum gave me my late grandmas car (she legally transferred ownership to myself). She inherited it but never drove it as she has her own car and it was just sitting on their driveway doing nothing. I am an only ‘child’ and my grandma really did adore me and would be so pleased I learnt to drive in her car.

i’m 25 so was a late learner. I insured the car, taxed it etc. When I passed my test my partner bought me a more ‘stylish’ car for Xmas. He pays for the tax and insurance on that one so I decided to continue paying for the car I learnt to drive on for a year just to get some no claims and also my younger cousin learnt to drive in it with my uncle so I thought I may as well insure it.

my cousin is now done with the car , my Mum has decided she wants to sell it. I asked her very politely if there was any possibility I could get a very small percentage of the car sale (ie £300) just because I’ve paid £1400 for the car over the year even though I never drove it.

I asked out of principle because legally it is actually in my name etc, it wasn’t about the money, i just asked to see if my parents actually ever considered my opinion or asking me.

my mum has never put any money into that car as my grandma bought it and my mum never drove it even when it was her name (I think she SORNed it).

It took so much courage to ask her as my parents are VERY ‘funny’ with money and I was right to be scared because she phoned me back SCREAMING down the phone telling me she needs the money for the car sale.

she screamed and cried and said ‘I don’t live in the world she’s living in’ (she assumes because I work in finance that I am some rich bitch) which is SO far from the truth.

I’d like to emphasise that my parents live in a 5 bed detached house with a large garden in the Home Counties with NO mortgage. My father is retired and although my mum doesn’t work (she’s also close to retirement age) they are hardly hard done by. Me and my partner on the other hand (although we are also not hard done by) we don’t own a house and we more a less live pay cheque to pay cheque most months.

her reaction really stunned me. It stuns me because they’re so critical of my boyfriend’s father who recently inherited a relatively large sum of ££ from a house sale. My parents think he is selfish for not giving my partner any money for a house deposit from it and they always tell me that if they had spare money they would give it to me.

me and my boyfriends view is that it’s his fathers money - he can spend it on what he likes but my parents have such a double standard because whenever I ask for any help (not on a large scale at all) they quick up a huge fuss.

was I wrong for asking? Like I say, I don’t want the money but I’m more hurt at my mums reaction given her beliefs about other people’s attitudes towards their money! They’re so judgemental about everyone else and as soon as I ask (which I never do because even growing up I was met with reactions like this) it turns out to be a huge drama.

It was cheaper to insure a micra than a Lexus saloon.

The next issue that I can see is who owns the car you are currently driving..🤔

Honestly, just mark it up to a lesson learned. Always make sure you have these sorts of conversations up front with family before entering any sort of quid pro quo or financial arrangement and certainly don't pay out for anything that isn't officially yours.

A much older friend of mine once sagely advised me in my mid-20's to never be beholden to anyone and to never give/gamble away anything more than you can afford to lose. It is good advice and I have stuck with it.

Your DM'S reaction sounds OTT but in this situation all you can do is put proper boundaries in place next time. Or politely decline any generous "gifts".

You decided to spend £1400 for the car over the year even though you never drove it.

I’m sorry but you had two cars at the same time and your choice to leave your grandmothers car on the drive and pay insurance for it - not sure why you think you should be recouped for that.

She inherited a car and gave it to you to help. Then you got a nicer car and didn't need or use hers anymore so she's decided to sell it now you've no use for it, fair enough. Your poor financial decisions are your fault, and quite worrying given you work in finance! Cheeky of you to them ask her for money too really.

I think everyone’s being quite unfair here. Did your Mum specifically tell you she’s giving you the car? If she did it is your car.

Your Mum sounds a bit mental if I’m honest.

I think people are being quite unreasonable towards you OP. Your mum basically gave you the car, your dad convinced you to keep it insured when you weren't using it. Your cousin and uncle presumably didn't pay towards the insurance although they were using it.
As your mother signed the car over to you and you took up the financial upkeep I would have presumed that any money gained from selling the car should be yours or at least split with your mother. There is no way my mother would sell it and keep the proceeds.
Personally, I would have nothing more to do with your parents if it involves and form of finance and I would probably distance myself a little bit.

Your dm is crazy.
She could have just said I’d prefer to keep the money myself so no I won’t be giving you £300.
Screaming and crying is not normal and I wouldn’t have apologised.
If you ever have dc you’re going to need strong boundaries.

I agree, OPs boyfriend bought and pays for the car so OP doesn't actually own any car.

It was gifted to her so she owns it.

@Lilly1102 her reaction is OTT. She could just have said ‘no, you can’t have a refund - if you wanted to get some money back you should have cancelled the tax and insurance and said it was up
to me to cover it going forward’ (bet she’d have moaned then as well but I don’t think you can back date the request as she let you have use of the car for some time and then you just carried on funding.

Yes bless you I think the early posters somehow set this thread down the wrong lane.

The point is that you dont really need the money but thought you'd ask...and in a healthy loving relationship that shouldn't result in being shouted at and tears.

So as I see it a perfectly reasonable request to your Mum has now resulted in a massive one way argument and you feeling you've done something wrong.

That's what you wanted advice on and instead people are obsessing over your new car, the price of which compared to a 5 bed home counties housecwhicu your mother has, is surely very reasonable and sensible!

I'm sorry you're not getting more sympathy on here xx

I agree with this, you are getting far too much grief. Your mum sounds a bit batshit x

This is it exactly! Thank you for some understanding! know I can’t expect everyone to have the same level of generosity / principles as me but if I had given my daughter a car because I wasn’t using it, I most likely wouldn’t sell it myself in the first place but I definitely wouldn’t react so severely if my daughter asked.

My uncle and cousin didn’t pay for insurance whilst they were using it (and out of generosity for my younger cousin) I didn’t mind because my dad had mentioned the no claims thing so I just let him insure himself as a learner and I kept the actual car insured!

that along with her strong views that my partners parents are somehow lacking in giving us financial help (they’re not because we don’t need it), has just really upset me! It’s just a very double standard and I suppose when I asked that question it proved it to me.

Her reaction is massively OTT. I can sort of see why she might feel a bit annoyed by your request- from her pov she lent you her car for free (just expecting you to pay the expenses that would arise from that- tax and insurance). Then you asked for a share of proceeds based on the fact that she had previously lent it to you- doesn't make much sense and I can see why she'd find it annoying. But crying and screaming is bonkers.

All of this.

In your shoes I'd have assumed the car was a gift. Ordinary people in everyday life don't split hairs over owner v registered keeper v who has the logbook - she gave it to you, for you to use; if it had been a conditional arrangement she should have said so at the time - "Mary, use the car while you're learning and getting your licence, but down the line I plan to sell it off." Or even, more recently, "Mary, I've been thinking and I'd really like to sell off Granny's old car now that you have your own."

Instead she acted oddly and it seems like that classic Fear Obligation Guilt response from the OP, whose DM is difficult and unpleasant as a matter of course by the sounds of it.

Next thing is a phone call from the dad to reiterate how upset the mum is by OP's call...

Just step back, and remember this all for the next interaction with them.

Oh, and in my world, whether it's grabby or not, you support members of your family when you can. If I was in a much better financial position than my kids and was in a position to support them, or rather not take something away from them unless I had to, I would act accordingly. So the large mortgage free house does matter, imo. It may be the DP's money to do with as they like, but that doesn't make it any less sad that they choose to effectively take the value of that gift back.

You're both behaving badly.

Your mum gave you the car but legally it's her because no money changed hands.

The V5 shows the keeper not the owner. Your Mum could have said that if you upgraded your car, she's sell your Gran's. So it was more of a loan, really.

You chose to insure it and tax it. If you ended up not using it as much as you'd thought, you can sometimes cash-in the insurance and road tax for remaining months.

Off topic slightly, I find it odd that you're being supported by your boyfriend who's bought you a car, and has paid for the insurance etc.
Maybe you need to stand on your own two feet a bit more where money's concerned?

If she screamed down the phone she’s definitely been on MN.
It’s only on MN that people are quite often known to do that.
I’ve seen it reported regularly by other posters.

Yes I do agree with that now and in hindsight I should’ve thought more clearly but as we usually have a good mother and daughter relationship, I shouldn’t feel like a BAD person for asking.

just fyi she didn’t lend me the car - my understanding was that she gave the car to me (given the log book in my name), not that it makes the difference but I know that if I GAVE something to someone, I wouldn’t expect for them to give it back but maybe that’s just my belief, and not everyone has the same and granted I didn’t use the car so I get it!

I've just asked a few people and we all thought V5 meant ownership, because how else do you know. I've been gifted old cars before for no money and the v5 changed to my name. Then I've sold the cars.
Police talk about "owning vehicles" meaning v5, as in what comes up as the owner on their screen.

This is why I put "from her pov"- you saw it as a transfer of ownership because the log book was in your name but clearly she didn't see it like that- the fact that she has now sold it demonstrates that she saw it as a temporary thing. It would obviously have been better if she had been clear from the start.

Sorry she had such a horrible reaction- it's not justified.

Your Mum gave you the first car and your partner has bought you another, so you’re not too hard done by are you?

Emotionally from her mum I would say she is!

If I inherited a car but didn't need it so gave it to someone else to use, I would expect when she no longer needed it and it would therefore come to be sold that that money would be mine... it was my inheritance and therefore, I should get the money when sold.

So how do you legally become the owner of a car then?