Grandparent slapped grandchild

[bluestoneboys]

How do you deal with a grandparent who slapped a grandchild round side of face, left a handprint, then claims ‘it wasn’t hard’ and ‘it was the only way to prevent further harm from angry dog’
child has autism and adhd as well as history of SA on fathers side so has no contact with them. He was shouting, swearing and hitting at the time (struggling with self regulating usually but these episodes are getting worse)
grandparents see him as disrespectful and rude
Currently he now has no unsupervised contact with said grandparent, he has lots of outside agencies involved due to previous abuse and very worried now that my own family will end up being the nail in the coffin when it comes to social services due to their lack of understanding and support, but also feel so sad for him because he doesn’t seem to now have a solid relationship with anyone but me.
Family place all blame on me and say that he’s just got a lack of discipline (which is not true imo)
Just about losing my mind now as I just want him to feel safe and happy - hes only 8 and already classed as suicidal by medical professionals and he’s had all the therapy he can have but it’s no use when everyone else is on a different page 💔

Stop all contact with them. They don't sound like they are adding anything good in his life, their attitude will be causing him stress and making him worse.

Anyone who things slapping an autistic child and that you can discipline the autism out of them isn't fit to be around them .

I would not let the grandparent near my child again, slapping an 8 year old in the face is unforgivable never mind hard enough to leave a mark. So sorry you're going through this, it must be so difficult x

I would have photographed the mark and reported the assault to the police. And that person would never set eyes on me or my child again.

Exactly this.
In the nicest way possible, you shouldn't need to ask what to do.
Obviously he should never have contact with them again for his own well being

When did this happen and what did SS say when you informed them?

Well as a single parent of a child with very complex needs, with nobody else around to talk things through with, I figure posting here is a better option than going mad … at no point did I question my own parenting skills, but cheers for your support

This

Why is this even a question, you keep him away from anyone that is not a positive in his life, poor boy has been abused enough don't you think?

Currently they have said no unsupervised contact, but should anything else happen then the answer will be no contact I rent from my parents so it does add a little complication

Have you told social services? I really think you should - because it's the right thing to do, but also because if they find out via someone else it could reflect very negatively on you.

Good luck. I'm sure it's an incredibly difficult situation.

(just seen that you have 👍)

I don’t think I did, you implied the answer is simple and therefore I should be able to figure it out. I rent from my parents therefore contact cannot completely be stopped by me, no matter how hard I try

Before anyone else posts the 'do you really have to ask?' stuff, can we pause and put ourselves in OP's shoes. She is very clear that she knows the grandparent slap was not ok. She knows by posting here that everyone will agree with her on that. I think she's doing a sense check. She's doing that because she's at the point where she and her DC are very isolated and this GP was the last person apart from herself that her child has a relationship with. She's in a desperate situation. Please a bit of compassion for the OP?

@CandidFinch explain what you mean then because how @bluestoneboys took it is how I took your comment to mean too. No need to question her parenting.

The fact you rent from your parents is a barrier to you resolving this situation properly. Can you call women’s aid and get advice there as to housing next steps?

@bluestoneboys you renting from yourt Parents does not give them the right of access to your child. they need to treat you like a tenant and give any notice to do flat checks etc in writing. they are NOT legally allowed to come in your home. dont understand why they had to slap your child if it was an angry dog? anyone else would have removed the dog from the vicinity of the child. were they looking after your child at the time? suicidal child mean a helluva lot of worry for you so your priority is to your child and not the grandparent, whichever one it is! keep child safe and away from grandparent. xx

Exactly this. The pile-on is pretty cruel actually.

OP I don't have any advice really except to let yourself be guided by social services. If at all feasible, perhaps now might be the time to look for alternative accommodation to remove the complication of renting from your parents. Is the other GP (your mum or dad presumably) supportive of the GP who slapped your child? Or are they perhaps a bit more reasonable where a relationship could be salvaged?

Really feel for you, this must feel like an impossible situation x

So much hostility towards a woman with a child with historical SA, autism, complex needs and who is suicidal. She needs support not hostility. It takes a village to raise a child and without RL family support she has naturally reached out online so currently you’re part of her village - your actions on here matter.

This is abuse.

You keep your child away from these people and allow no further contact with them at all.

Exactly. OP is a single mum with a child with extra needs. Let’s show some compassion. She’s in a tough position, it’s hard when someone you trust lets you down.

I don’t think I did, you implied the answer is simple and therefore I should be able to figure it out. I rent from my parents therefore contact cannot completely be stopped by me, no matter how hard I try

But the answer is simple.

It is your job to protect your child.

This person assaulted your child, who is already traumatised by the sound of it and highly vulnerable.

You say he would only have you if you cut contact with them. This is fine. Having one adult in his life that loves him and doesn't abuse him or allow others to do so is sufficient.

Having none - which is the case if you continue to attempt to minimise this for your convenience - is not sufficient.

Find somewhere else to live. Protect your child and don't let anybody assault him again. He needs to see that you protect him and exert his boundaries until he is old enough to do so himself.