Grandparent slapped grandchild

[bluestoneboys]

How do you deal with a grandparent who slapped a grandchild round side of face, left a handprint, then claims ‘it wasn’t hard’ and ‘it was the only way to prevent further harm from angry dog’
child has autism and adhd as well as history of SA on fathers side so has no contact with them. He was shouting, swearing and hitting at the time (struggling with self regulating usually but these episodes are getting worse)
grandparents see him as disrespectful and rude
Currently he now has no unsupervised contact with said grandparent, he has lots of outside agencies involved due to previous abuse and very worried now that my own family will end up being the nail in the coffin when it comes to social services due to their lack of understanding and support, but also feel so sad for him because he doesn’t seem to now have a solid relationship with anyone but me.
Family place all blame on me and say that he’s just got a lack of discipline (which is not true imo)
Just about losing my mind now as I just want him to feel safe and happy - hes only 8 and already classed as suicidal by medical professionals and he’s had all the therapy he can have but it’s no use when everyone else is on a different page 💔

also it is not just my horses, I have a large number of clients who rely on me, the difference between my regular job, and a regular job is huge, animal welfare is also at risk here if I were to leave, and quite honestly my own horses have been the only thing pushing me to keep going at times and there is no way I could be without them - I did try that though, when my son was younger, nothing was any easier, but I had a lot less money to support him.
my sons pony was a Christmas gift last year, and there is absolutely no chance of me selling her or taking her away from him in any way, it’s his sport, and his pet, I’m not sure you’re grasping that would destroy his life further? plus he’s homeschooled, and I’m his only carer, so the work I do now is the best way

I completely see your point about the animals. I'm not sure what the answer is here, TBH.

It's a pity your son goes into the house, but I appreciate your difficulty.

Luckily today has gone quite smoothly so far, he’s out and exercising pony with no bother about ‘going inside’ I think (hope) extra warm coats and socks will be the way forward 🤞🏽🤞🏽

I think you’re responding to his needs and your situation really effectively. As @TheShellBeach says, there isn’t really a silver bullet answer is there.

Keep muddling along I think.

One thing I’ve picked up from your posts is that your mum sounds like she has issues herself with de-escalating her own emotions. Putting all his stuff in bin bags when he’s climbing emotionally means she’s climbing too at the same time and yet putting all her focus and blame on without reflecting that she’s doing the same thing. Not to mention actually hitting him, which is again from the same place of emotional overwhelm I’d say.

Keep talking to your boy, keep involving him in what you’re doing, keep loving him, keep fighting the good fight on his behalf. Just basically well done and keep going, it’s really not easy for you but there isn’t anything really you’re missing.

Hopefully come the better weather he’ll less likely want to go indoors with them. Hopefully he’ll have a mate he can stay with for a bit while you do the eve work in the cold, hopefully something changes on that front. Keep coming on here for support or find a real life group for parents with kids with similar needs.

@bluestoneboys I do social care. People are given whatever hours are agreed by the SW and discuss activities or places to go on a care plan. It's a break for family members from each other and can be enriching in its own right. It might be nice for both of you :)