“Shut up”

[Whywouldyousaythat88]

Today at a self check out, my 4 year old was crying to me over typical kid stuff when the woman at the self check out next to me said “oh shut up, child” loud enough that both myself and my child heard her.

How would you have reacted?

If I'm being honest, the words 'excuse me don't you dare speak to my daughter/son like that!' would've probably escaped my mouth before I had time to think. Cheeky miserable fucker!

Or.. 'well let's hope you aren't a parent'

Exactly this. If you weren’t making sensible efforts to smooth/educate your child so their behaviours didn’t impact on others I would probably feel less inclined to keep the inside thoughts silent.

You seem to totally disregard what was happening in this woman’s life, and your part in this - “be kind” works all ways you know.

Here’s one for you… maybe the lady was autistic and had a sensory overload. It seems this forum uses autism as an excuse for any child who is misbehaving and the rest of us should put up with it because they are autistic and can’t help it. Well maybe the lady is autistic and the constant noise tipped her over the edge and she blurted that out. Should we not give her the same free pass we keep getting told to autistic children? Thought not.

And I am autistic myself, before anyone comes at me. I just felt it was an interesting point to raise.

So going back just to original question, I’d like to hope I would just laugh. But, if the whole shopping trip was getting to me I’d possibly have felt peeved/aggrieved. I don’t think I would have engaged the person in a discussion.

It’s kinda annoying when strangers are intolerant but not something I’d have wanted to escalate or draw attention to.

@Jifmicroliquid thank you for allowing me to see this from what might've been her perspective. I think you are right in saying we all give children the benefit of the doubt and consider all possibilities but we don't instinctively to adults.

I've probably told my own dc to shut up

Dgd seems to get very upset easily. I wonder if she gets away with it at school , I think not

No one should tell anyone to shut up. If the child was excessively noisy I think sometimes it's ok for an adult to intervene, some parents get defensive but let's face it, it usually quietens the child and makes the parents life easier. I've often wished someone would rescue me from my kids antics. I'm talking about a 'sshh' and finger to lip gesture or maybe a soft spoken 'you are being too noisy' etc. No way should anyone speak the way she spoke. She was out of order for sure.

Personally I would ignore it because I hate confrontation but I would be upset. The thing is if you reply and get shouty the retort will be I see where the child gets their behaviour from. You can't win.

It's completely out of line to tell kids to shut up. I would personally ignore it and hope they don't have kids themselves.

I'm surprised by the number of people who think children shouldn't be able to cry in public. My kids have mostly got sympathetic looks when they are upset in public. A man was loudly telling his own crying child to shut up in the supermarket yesterday and he was getting loads of looks and tut tuts,

@Jifmicroliquid but surely that's the difference between an adult and a child? Children haven't learned emotional regulation. If this woman had auditory sensory issues she should bring headphones to the shop or avoid, she has control over her situation. A child usually does not. By excusing this rude behaviour, you would be excusing all rude behaviour.

Well done OP, hopefully she will think before being so mean again.

But do you not see the point I am making? Constantly excusing children’s behaviour because they are autistic might mean they grow up to be like this lady, unable to control their emotions and find the right tools to deal with things as an adult.
It’s an argument I put forward time and time again when teenage behaviour is excused because ‘they are autistic’.
Theres going to be a point when those children reach adulthood and nobody is going to pander to their behaviour anymore. They’ll start threads about them on mumsnet instead.

As I said, food for thought.

I think the volume of the cry is relevant though. Yes expressing emotion is one thing but there is a difference between howling and sobbing. I think its very important to teach your kids this, i work with 3 and 4 year olds and they are told this and almost 100% of them can regulate to some extent. A sudden pain is different they tend to let out a roar but a disappointed type cry absolutely can be quietened. We ask them to not be so noisy and then say 'I'd like to give you a hug but you are hurting my ears' and they quiet down. I think you handled it well OP but this is something you could also work on with your DS.

@Jifmicroliquid ah yes I see what you mean. That's very true. Understanding is one thing, excusing is another. I dread to think of the supermarkets in 2040 when the younger generations grow up demanding constant allowances. I say this as a Mum of 2 ND children battling every day to respect social norms so I do get how tricky it can be.

I’d have told her to shut her fucking mouth.

Nice language for your 4 year old to pick up on. Great example to set. You understand he'll repeat that, don't you?

Good for her. I’ve felt like saying that to people’s children many times!

I had three children but never let them whine and carry on in a supermarket. Nobody wants to hear it, least of all me. It baffles me even why parents let their kids scream and kick off. People are shopping - they don’t want to hear it.

You seem very entitled.

Mind you I find adults on speakerphone much more annoying

Maybe she had Tourette's or just muttered what everyone else was thinking louder than she thought.

Or better still, taught her child to stand up for herself and not accept shitty comments from strangers.

I cannot STAND when people think that young children/toddlers shouldn’t have feelings 🤬

Why shouldn’t he cry when he’s sad? Or frustrated?
Would you consider it strange if an upset/frustrated adult cried? Regardless of the reason WHY they were upset/frustrated?

I doubt it.

Right? Seems the “children should be seen and not heard” brigade are out in force on this one! Probably don’t get to see their grandkids too often..

I've certainly felt like telling a child or 2 to shut up in the past, but obviously haven't. Some are just totally excessive and parents don't even try to get them to be quieter