MIL says I molly coddle my DC

[Stephanieava]

I think I just need a rant more than anything

The in-laws live abroad in Spain. Make little effort, a facetime call every 2-3 weeks or so

But on the last call my MIL had the cheek to say she thinks we molly coddle our DC (turned 2 in July). They started to have a tantrum on the call (edited by MNHQ) & i took a minute to correct them ‘I know you want some crisps right now darling, you can absolutely have some after dinner not a problem. Would you like them in a bowl or on a plate?!’ - you know that sort of redirection. Works an absolute charm everytime

Well MIL was just like ‘oh my god just say NO!!’

And then text my husband after the call to say we need to be firmer. She makes these kinds of comments on almost every call & it annoys me when I think… they abandoned my husband at 16 to move away to a council house hours away. Left him sofa surfing for 11 months. Now they’ve gone to live in spain cause it’s cheaper. Which of course they’re entitled to do

The thing is, our son wouldn’t know her if she passed him in the street. She has absolutely no idea what he is like

He is the kindest, sweetest, clever little boy. Who of course has the occasional melt down but we deal with it in the way we see fit

My mum also comments sometimes on the way we parent, thinks we’re a bit namby pamby so she says, but he is honestly an absolute dream. Knows he’s loved & feels safe. Something me & my husband both said we felt lacked from our own upbringings

Actually don’t know what the point of this is tbh haha but just felt like i needed a rant!

i’m a millennial (born 89) and just feel the older generations (not all, some are absolutely amazing) really judge us on the way we’re trying to do things now

I would have walked away from the call if she’d said that to me.

We had a couple of incidents where there was an attempt to show us how to parent. I left DH to deal with it - which he did, very effectively.

I could diffuse DS 2’s temper when he was tired/stressed by staying calm and using distraction - even something as basic as drawing a noughts and crosses grid and passing it to him and getting him to start helped calm him down. PIL. were of the view that he needed a good telling off. The chances of that succeeding were precisely zero.

Ok I was thinking that but my formal grammar is shite so didn't want to correct it.

If your MiL abandoned her son at 16 to make him sofa surf I don't think she's the right person to listen to about parenting advice. This is your DC so you and your DH decide how to parent.

Lol, you don’t think crap parents can have good children? My pils are nasty and racist pieces of work, but my DH is the polar opposite of them in every way. I guess they could take credit for the way he is now, as he strove to be the exact opposite of them

Neither OP or her husband have close relationships with their parents. The husband’s mother was beyond awful dumping her kid and OP’s just sounds like a cold fish.

It's not unnecessary though. Nor is it waffle. It works and takes seconds.

I was just about to say that.

I am totally missing the point of this thread here but I also didn't know the origins of paddy until I was much older.
I have a deeply unpleasant cousin (even now as an adult he's a prick) named Patrick who gets called paddy so I presumed for years (in fairness I've only ever heard my parents use the phrase in real life!) Chucking a paddy just meant you are being a bit of a knobhead or were terrible at sharing 🤦‍♀️

PLEASE tell us you handed over the cat with a plea to "please demonstrate"?

In some of your threads you have a son, and in others it's a daughter.

Have you got twins?

That’s a no then!
Produce a source to support your assertion.

Or maybe just accept that all the Irish people telling you it's racist have a point in the same way you would presumably accept a black or Asian person telling you a phrase such as pk shop or "working like a black" is racist.

@TheShellBeach I’ve only got one child. A family member mentioned mumsnet to me & that she browses / posts, so I try to conceal things a bit more

Surely it depends on how it’s used. If as the dictionary states it means to be in a bad temper that is not racist. Context is key.

When someone who is from the race insulted please don't quote the fucking country dictionary of an oppressive nation, you know the one that still haven't admitted to murdering our innocent citizens. Cheers.

FGS context is not key in this instance.

The word is racist and offensive and should not be used.

Haven't read the whole thread. Lots of us make different parenting decisions and can respect that in others. But tell you what, no way would I take any parenting advice, ever, from someone who moved away from their 16 yo and left him without a home. That's a flat out parenting fail. Don't let anything they say bother you again.

No, it doesn't depend on the context.

I can find another definition in urban directory for you:

"A dated and offensive expression generally used by English people to describe someone having an over the top strop.

Offensively refers to Irish people as "paddys" and their "over the top sulking" when it came to the English stealing Irish land, pillaging and their refusal to grant the Irish their independence for a long time.
It implies unreasonableness, obstinacy and an inability to control the temper (which go nicely with drunkeness and violence of course).

Outdated expression thats up there with the likes of "working like a black""

Out of interest, why do you try not to say no? What's wrong with saying no sometimes? How are you preparing your DC for the real world by not saying no?

It’s drivel. Usually used when a parent is afraid of upsetting their little darling. A simple yes you can have some later is perfectly adequate without the over the top, pandering waffle.

Same. Was also said to me as a child and still hear it often.

And do you call it out?

YABU for using the term paddy and an example of good parenting involving feeding crisps to your DC after dinner to pacify them. That said just ignore your in laws - they have no right to judge

Honks
PADDY definition: 1. a very angry state: 2. an offensive word for an Irish person 3. a very angry state: .
From the Cambridge dictionary.
More than one meaning.

Well aren't you a dick?

I'm not sure what you mean by "they would not be allowed to use an offensive word"?

Paddy is a name that is short for Padraic/Padraig, a common Irish name. It is obviously not offensive in that context.

Using the word Paddy or Mick to refer to Irish people generally is offensive. Being told to "Fuck off home Paddy" when I lived in England in the 80's was fairly commonplace.

@OchonAgusOchonOh Here I am being educated again! You’ve mentioned ‘Mick’ being offensive

I hear this used as an almost daily occurrence. Example ‘Oh I’m just taking the mick / mickey’ or ‘stop taking the mick / mickey out of me’
Is that offensive in that context?

Sorry for any offence caused by asking this, I’m genuinely curious