Does my DD need to know how to wipe her bum if she does a poo before starting school?

[RedRobyn2021]

DD is 3.5 and we are looking at starting her in reception the term after she turns 4, she won't be going full time but it to help make the transition easier when she goes full time September next year.

I saw a parent on fb group I'm in saying their just turned 4yo (turned 4 in August) is coming home without their bum wiped properly after a poo because they're being left to do it themselves at school.

I am panicking now

My daughter has even potty trained for 1.5 years and will do all her wees in the toilet but will only poo in her potty. I didn't think this was the end of the world but when i saw this I realised I've never taught her how to wipe her bum (she's fine with wees)

Please can a teacher or parent who knows better advise me what's the norm? I'm quite worried now

Oh well… I have a really good story regarding this.

My DD who was in reception a while ago needed to do a poo so to the toilet at school she went.

Once she finished she proceeded to do what she used to do at home which was to shout (usually to me) I am done now! (For me to go a wipe her bum).

It took her about five minutes after she was done with her business to realise that no one was coming to wipe her bum so she did it (badly) herself.

It is a funny story she loves to relay from time to time. So yes, I would let her know that she needs to do that herself now so that it doesn’t come as a surprise or shock to her.

You definitely need to teach them how to wipe their bum!

OP they would absolutely help the children in our school, they’re really good about that sort of thing.

Interestingly, there is at least one four year old in the preschool still in nappies so if there was once in reception that wouldn’t surprise me. The only difference is the cut off date for age within the school year. That child may be ND, they may not, it’s not my business and I haven’t dwelled on the situation at all. But I agree that children all develop at different rates. My friend has two kids; one was toilet trained before 2, the other was nearly 5 by the time they managed it and not without years of trying. Development is not linear.

I don't think you need to worry. Show her how to do it and she will just have to step up when she gets to school. The peer pressure is amazing once they start reception and they all grow up loads in a really short time.

There are a lot of of things she will have to do when she starts school that she won't want to, e.g. homework, going to school every day at 9.00 in the morning, eating school dinners, having to sit with children she doesn't like ...

Wiping her own bum is just another part of growing into a "big girl".

Of course she needs to wipe her own bum! I think it’s completely unreasonable to expect teachers to be wiping bums, it really should be the parents ensuring the child can do this before starting school. It’s probably not going to be perfect and yes they’re will be lots of knickers with skids in to be begin with but the child should be able to tidy most of it. You are right, it is becoming more common with a recent report saying 1 in 4 are not potty trained before starting school but this is something that has got worse recently…probably because parents think this is something that teachers will be helping with which is bonkers and lazy!
My child would do a wee on the potty from 2 but refused to do a poo unless in a nappy up until 3.5 yrs, I knew I had less that 6 months to turn this around as is summer born so wasn’t long until starting school. That was me the parents responsibility to make it happen.

Kids wipe their own bums at school, albeit often badly. But OP, why not just wait till she starts in September. She'll be a different child then. Not need for her to go to school from Easter.

What about children with autism? A lot of autistic children arent potty trained at school age and its nothing to do with parent laziness

Not being able to wipe their own arses properly, excluding being neurodiverse (although not automatic neurodiverse children can’t do it) or disabled in some way, should be an exception. 30 arses needing wiping over the course of a day regularly is a lot.

Schools are on their knees financially. Under investment in schools by successive governments or some bloated academy trusts means schools cannot afford TAs to be in every classroom all day, with chronic staff shortages for TAs means that sometimes dirty arses will be coming home. If you don’t want your child to have a dirty arse, or sitting in a wet nappy, do all you can to teach personal care before they start.

EYFS staff are amazing, thank you for all you do.

Who knows what will happen to any school
long term. It all depends in the overall demands for places in the area and how fast the birth rate in falling in your area. But it’s a CoE school so not under the LEA so it’s probably safer than most.

If she is at the 'No' stage, when my DC were going to start pre-school I phrased it as 'you need to be able to do this to help the teacher. She has 12 children to look after and she can't do her job if she has help you in the bathroom'. So I wasn't telling them to do something but rather asking them to help someone. Children usually like to be helpful.

Regarding the starting school the term after you turn four, I think this used to be more widespread (but it may have been five then). Certainly when I started infant school in the 1970s there was more than one intake of children a year, we were in the same class but sat in different groups ("tiger", "cheetah" etc).

Sorry, not very helpful, I just found it interesting that this approach may be making a come back!

Completely missing point of thread, but children do not need to be in full-time education until the term after they are 5. So not quite sure why they have suggested she starts after Easter if she is still only 3 now? Especially if its a reception/yr 1 mixed class, some of those children will be 6 when she starts? Personally I would wait until September and then do a term part-time. My youngest started reception the September after he turned 5 (Aug baby). Although ignore this if I've got the dates/classes wrong!

Did you honestly think it was a teachers job to wipe 30 bums a day and teach the class? Of course she needs to wipe her own bum. It’s isn’t someone else’s job to train her to do this.

I also think words like panicking are a little OTT. Panic when there is extreme or real danger or maybe if you have a clear panic anxiety disorder. Deal with it and get her to learn to wipe her own bum.

This is very negative

I think she would enjoy all those things and if she didn't, I wouldn't send her to be honest.

There are always valid exceptions. My besties son has autism and he has been wiping his own bum since he was three. Also, I seriously doubt there are 30 autistic kids in the class all needing bum wiping.

Lazy if no valid exception.

This is a very good idea, I think this would work well with her

She's not that helpful anymore, not compared to when she was 2

I'm thinking the same, just wait and she'll be fine. I didn't feel comfortable sending her so early, I just wanted to make things easier for her when the time came in September. I might just wait until a little nearer the time to make a firm decision a lot can change between then and now

Not the point of the thread but I just don’t understand why you’d send her in April when you don’t have to

Yes I thought that's how they used to do it in the old days as well as staggering the start, which I really think is better for the child (although perhaps not for the parents if you're working full time)

Because some people like to give their kids a headstart with education. I did with mine.

Some of these comments are disgusting and sound like they're coming from people who have never raised a child in their lives. My two elder children were both dry day and night age at 2, but my daughter who is extremely bright, witty, clever and fiercely independent is only just starting to grasp it age 3.5, dry all day in underwear with pull ups at night and the odd accident once or twice a week. She does wipe her own bum but certainly not perfect. How anyone can say it's a one size fits all for every child and they should all be at the exact same milestones at the exact same age is perplexing. They'll do it whenever they're ready and capable, some may be 18 months some maybe age 4.

I thought it was a natural and obvious part of potty training. Once my DC ditched nappies, I never wiped their bottoms. They did a poo, they were given loo roll and told what to do with it.

As I understand it, they don't legally have to be enrolled in education until 5 but it is at the discretion of the school whether or not they allow that child in to reception or whether they put them straight into year 1. From what I've read reception is a really important part of starting school so ideally not to be missed.

I do think there can be some more leniency for late summer borns but the general contentious in the schools in my area is unfortunately, not helpful. I think it's really backwards tbh, fortunately for me I have a winter born and another winter born on the way so this is one battle I don't have to get in to.

@Laserwho totally agree! I'm baffled about this sending them the term after they turn 4. Will they be officially enrolled? How on earth would this work logistically? My son turned 4 last autumn, so in this school he would end up doing two years in Reception..! I don't see how or why a primary school would decide to do this.
And like you say, for children that turn 4 before the summer, how on earth could the school or parents know for certain that they will end up at this school before places have been allocated by the LA?
Don't know why I'm so invested in this question that's not actually to do with the main issue, but I am!