Does my DD need to know how to wipe her bum if she does a poo before starting school?

[RedRobyn2021]

DD is 3.5 and we are looking at starting her in reception the term after she turns 4, she won't be going full time but it to help make the transition easier when she goes full time September next year.

I saw a parent on fb group I'm in saying their just turned 4yo (turned 4 in August) is coming home without their bum wiped properly after a poo because they're being left to do it themselves at school.

I am panicking now

My daughter has even potty trained for 1.5 years and will do all her wees in the toilet but will only poo in her potty. I didn't think this was the end of the world but when i saw this I realised I've never taught her how to wipe her bum (she's fine with wees)

Please can a teacher or parent who knows better advise me what's the norm? I'm quite worried now

Yes we do do this, also following dentist advice! But they're expected to have a go and for us to hear brushing noises, then I chase all the sugar gremlins away :)

@rainfallpurevividcat

Peek a poo 😂 thanks I'll look this one up

As an overthinker myself I can tell you that you're overthinking it.

You've got loads of time to teach her to wipe her bum. DS started school last month and can wipe his bum but often doesn't get it all. He's never pooed at school though, does a poo daily before his evening bath like clockwork!

But what's the worst that can happen?! Skiddies won't hurt them.

Don't worry about it.

Jesus Christ.
There's cultural differences, and there's cultural differences....

I've plenty of experience in infants and primary.

It's a fact that more and more children are starting school without completing their toilet training.

FWIW, I was five when I started school and was toilet trained at 18 months according to my mum.

I still remember holding on to my wee as I really did not want to use the loo in reception and weeing on the doorstep at home as I hadn't quite made it.

Brilliant! Same at our house 😆

Sorry, I didn’t mean to come across as patronising! I just know lots of parents who leave their small children to brush their own teeth. I hate to think of little ones having teeth removed 😢

My child goes childcare full time but I'm well aware of his toilet training and the progress of it. You dont give up your parental responsibility because they go to caregivers full time. Dont be so ridiculous.

Really primary school at 3?

That's shocking. In Scotland kids are just starting 2 years of nursery school at 3.

Wow I had no idea it was 3 in wales. That's worse than England.

i can’t believe this has been asked .

my just 4 year old started reception and his teacher was a man. Having seen the uproar on other posts regarding male nursery staff I just can’t see some parents being happy with a man wiping their child’s bum.

just show your child how to do it. It’s called parenting.

no wonder we can’t recruit teachers.

DD2 was ok having her teeth cleaned. DD1 wouldn't let me anywhere near her mouth even though I started with a really soft brush as a baby before she even had teeth properly. It was a right palaver. In desperation I suggested "What if the cat does it?" Poor patient cat who fortunately enjoys being handled "holding" the brush in her paw- I'm not sure the cleaning was that effective.

Then we moved onto making it a game of playing dentists (weird child) where I would close the toilet door. DD1 would knock on the door, I would open it and pretend to be the dentist. "Ah Miss DD1 for your 6.30pm appointment, do take a seat." The toilet with a closed lid was the chair. Then I could get a really good clean in as long as I stayed in role as the dentist. Twice a day this was for a few years 😅The things we do for our kids.

I used to get DS's head in a rugby tackle and get a good old brush around until he was 9 at least. {he's an adult now}

He used to froth and say ''Too minty! WATER!''...but never had a filling while under my care - kids can't brush efficiently, and the Rugby Tackle style the dentist said was the most efficient way..

Also do Dog's teeth daily too.

{I get hers from the sides as the jaw shape is quite different to a human}

Check out “busytoddler” on instagram who has a really helpful guide on how to teach this!

Early years teachers know that not all children will be 100% perfectly toilet trained by the time they start school. If the teachers seem to be irate at having to help your DC with toileting then they’re in the wrong job frankly. There will also be a certain number o children who are disabled / SEN / developmentally delayed who they will make reasonable adjustments for too. My DC just doesn’t poo at school though either.

I would keep her at preschool until September personally. Preschools are used to preparing children for school and the school should also plan transition events such as stay and play sessions in the Summer term, a teacher visit to her Preschool etc. She will be much more ready at 4y5m than just turned 4.

WRT the wiping, none of my children were very good at it when they started year R but they all understood the technique and would have a go, which I suspect is common.

Congratulations! What perfect parenting manual did you read? I must buy it

It’s not about “giving up parental responsibility”. It’s about maybe not understanding when a child should be doing something for themselves because I don’t know - yours seems a bit less capable of something and you didn’t realise they are ready or, you are so focused on the baby and realised you have been wiping your 3 year olds bum as you are constantly rushing around multiple children instead of taking the time to teach them.

This perspective is narrow and lacks empathy significantly

I think there is a period of a few years where 4-6 year olds are a bit rubbish at thorough bottom wiping- some of them are still absolutely tiny and genuinely can’t reach that well. They should be able to give it a go but I think it is really common to see skid marks or for them to try and save a poo for home. They do get better at it but it’s important they can give it a reasonable go so they are not sat in poo and also important they have a bath etc every evening.

Thank you

Thank you for this @Needmorelego, it makes me feel better about my boys! We live in a bungalow, both sets of grandparents live in bungalows, youngest is 19 months so still in a pram so we use lifts when out and about. We lived in a house until eldest was 18 months but he hasn’t needed to do many stairs since. Both my boys are terrible with stairs 🙈 it’s something i didn’t think about when we moved to a bungalow. I plan to take them some places with stairs without the pram when the youngest is a little bit older to get some practice in but until then we’ll just continue to avoid them.

Sorry to tell you @okayhescereal, but dentists recommend that you clean your child’s teeth until they’re around 8 years old because most small children don’t do a good enough job and end up with dental issues. So instead of judging that other mother who cleaned her child’s teeth until they’re around were 10, which was very sensible, maybe judge yourself for potentially letting your child not care for their own dental hygiene. You can encourage your child to practice and do some of the cleaning themselves to help them learn, but it’s recommended that you do a majority of twice a day cleans until they’re much older.

Used to work for a dentist before you come at me.

Edited to add; I can see that you’ve given an update where you say that you actually do clean their teeth and agree that it should be done until later, then why judge another mother for doing it another couple of years?! You need to wind your neck in.

🤣🤣🤣

You're not wrong

My daughter is 3.5 and we've had a massive problem with poos, after potty training lovely for wees at 2.5, she got into a cycle of witholding poo, and it started a chain which took ages to break, we had to leave her in nappies, as she refused to go near the potty/toilet at all for a while (wees or poos), she is a well behaved child, but if she really doesn't want to do something you can't make her, we've had to use tactics and perseverance to get results, your daughter sounds very similar OP.

It's all come together in the last two months. The success we had was multiple pronged, we put her on medication from the GP, it softens the stool so they can't withold it for a start, that was the game changer. We also bought her an amazon game tablet, which was only to be used while she was sat on the toilet, and we watched the poo goes to pooland video, which seems to be the thing that convinced her actually, now she goes quite happily herself and enjoys wiping herself and putting the paper in the toilet and sending the poo off to 'pooland' to be with his family! 😀

I think you are getting very harsh replies.

My 5 year old can't wipe himself and has difficulties with using the toilet. It is common and the staff at his school and nursery have helped him as needed. He holds in his poo until he is home so wiping has never come up. But there are reasons we struggled and I think some people just post on mumsnet to be judgemental.

Op - I wouldn't worry too much as you have time and sound like you have done a great job with toilet training so far.

With the amount of outdated advice health visitors and others working in children health give regarding infant feeding and sleep, I am extremely skeptical that they're now going to start advising parents do illumination communication. I think it's a fantastic practice for parents with the confidence to do it, but I can't imagine it will be the norm any time soon.

My daughter’s preschool expect her to wipe her own bum and she’s only 3. When she inevitably has poop accidents, they ring us to collect her and bring her home. School policy is that they don’t wipe bums though.