Can school stop this?

[CherryCherri]

My son collects my daughter from school whilst I wait outside with my other child. My son is 12 and my daughter is 7. The school were fine with this as I was waiting just outside and they are aware of this, never been a problem for 2 years. However a new headteacher started last year and suddenly it’s now a problem. Now siblings have to be 16 to collect. I explained my situation and why my son is collecting and that I’m waiting right outside and at no point is he ever expected to bring her home alone, they were ok with this until recently and now it’s a problem again. I’ve repeated again I am just right outside, members of staff can see me and I can see my son the whole time he is in the playground but nope they have refused and said he isn’t allowed to collect her and bring her to me. Now I hear time and time again on here that schools can’t dictate this but can they? They refused to allow my daughter to go with my son the other day so seems the school do have the final say. I’m asking if I insist he collects her can they stop it and I’m guessing all they could do is refer to ss, how would ss view this situation?

It just takes one safeguarding issue for a school to clamp down.

Do you think it's just about your personal situation or do you think there's something else the head is trying to enforce and you are caught in that.

E.g is parking a problem and residents are complaining about cars blocking them. And so school aren't allowing the type of action that contributes to this. I'm not saying this is you, just that you can see how it adds to everyone trying to stop within sight of school and not getting out therefore ignoring yellow lines, driveways etc because technically they are 'not parking '.

Or are perhaps there other families where they are concerned about older sibling is having to take on a caring role and they are trying to stop that.

It would be helpful to establish what the rationale is. It could be entirely safeguarding or it could be something else. I'd ask and then you have a better understanding and therefore might be able to reach a suitable compromise.

Do they have long lunch breaks too?

The two nearest secondaries to me start at 8.30 and 8.40 and both finish at 3.
Next two nearest are 8.35-3.15 and 8.50-3.15. Lunch breaks are all around 35-40 minutes though.

Of course they can their policy is over 16 collect so why would they let him go with someone much younger.

OP has not said anything about disability or SEND. They are deliberately not sharing the circumstances.

If it’s due to disability I would go to the board of governors and state that you are asking for a reasonable adjustment to be made.

She said the reason for not going on to the school grounds was connected to a disability. Hence my response. And the tribunal considers disability discrimination even when there are no SEN involved.

My advice would be go to the new head - explain in person the situation and ask what solutions they can offer to solve it.

If that gets nothing - then start complain and at that point I'd mention you had pervious permission for 2 years to do this and no other workable solution has been put forward by the new head.

As to how SS view it - I suspect it would entire depend on social worker you get and the department and their view and workload. You could try ringing SS department you are under and asking - as not sure anyone here can actually say.

I get it's annoying as you had permission but now you don't and that's the position you are starting from.

It's probably easier to go in with a how do we solve this attitude with the school than you must do this - as they can be bloody awkward when they want and it could take time and money to get compliance if they dig in - though it may come to that.

They have said it’s disability related. Literally just read the post that stated it.

I think SS would not get involved if school know that you are waiting outside the gates and tell school to follow their safeguarding policy.
However the only way that you could test this would be to send your 12 year old to pick the 7 year old up and the school refuse to release them, which would put them both in a difficult situation. Then you would need to refuse to come into the school and school would need to refuse to bring them to you, so get to a point where SS would be called. It would then be the emotional impact this would have on the children.
The best option would be to talk with school about the situation again and work with them to reach a compromise, could the staff waiting on the gate collect the 7 year old from class and bring them out to you?

Right -

New head started December 2023
Policy change March 2024
Email confirming your reasonable adjustments March 2024
Random day this week? Last week? They decide no longer possible.

Was it just one day where they refused to let DD go with DS? If so, is it possible they might have had a new / supply teacher and hadn’t communicated your situation with them?

If it wasn’t just the one day, how are you managing to collect DD? It’s incredibly poor of the school not to have communicated their revoking of your accommodations in advance, as they’ve given you no opportunity to try and find alternative arrangements.

I think you should ask for an appointment to meet the Head and speak to her personally about your situation, explaining your situation/reasons, that you are in the car outside and that this has not been an issue previously. If she still says no, ask what solution she can offer to help you. If it is related to a disability and you can not do it and have no other means of help, she should really help you resolve the issue.

I know when mine were at primary the school only allowed siblings to collect if they were 16 and over and they were allowed to start walking home alone in the second half of year 5 if the school deemed them mature enough and the parents signed a consent form.

Could another parent bring your child out to you?

Do they not have children who walk home on their own? What's the difference? Sounds a bit ridiculous to me, I bet she loves seeing her older brother there to meet her and is proud to walk out with him. I don't see the problem.

This. It's nuts. The youngster is 12, a presumably capable young person, a little responsibility here and there will be better than sitting hours in front of age rated games consoles. These kinds of chores help develop self belief and confidence.

This is one of the main reason fro the sheer explosion in mental health problems. Children and teens in the UK are kept on a tight leash. It's where health & safety becomes actually unsafe. If a 12 year old can't help their family with some chores, they will feel useless and idle. letting them help is also good for family cohesion. As long as the parents fully do their job and aren't feckless and neglectful obviously.

Sounds like it's become a battle of wills. If they're being incredibly unreasonable (ie you have a physically disabled child in the car with you, or something akin) then contact your local education authority. If your reason for not getting out of the car doesn't involve a physical impairment, then go and collect your child.

You don’t need to share the reason, you are right people do want to know out of curiosity, but you need to use the reason as your case/argument to the school governors and possibly SS. e.g.

• disability - stairs involved and you cannot negotiate stairs
• religious based - you are not allowed to be around members of the opposite sex
• bullying - you were bullied by a teacher or other parent and are avoiding contact, etc.

The reason shouldn’t matter to whether people support your rights in this case but it does make a difference in advising how governors or SS may respond. You could get advice on crafting your response if you say why but you may not want help with that.

in most cases I usually side with the school but in your case in sounds like the new HT is just being awkward for no reason or just doesn’t think your reason is solid enough. Good luck.

You never really can say how SS will react. If the school is so against it maybe a different school is the answer.

If you've read it time and time again on threads here that the school can't over ride the parents, why do you need this thread? I'm not quite sure what you want from this thread - you seem to mostly just want to prove that there's some sort of disparity in what people say on MN (which is of course always the case - lots and lots of individuals, not a hive mind). Plenty of people have provided you with links and information that explain why schools can set their own policies about this. If what you want is advice on how to navigate this with the school, or how the SS would view the situation, then I think people need more information about your situation which you're unwilling to give (because even how SS would view the situation might depend somewhat on why you can't/won't go to the gate to collect her yourself - if its because you're too drunk to walk then SS will take a different view to if it's because you have a disability that means you cannot walk to the gate).

Surely you must know at least one other parent? Has your child never had a play date or birthday party? Even for a parent I didn't know well, I would gladly take their child to their car for them if they couldn't get to the gate, as I'm sure most parents would in this situation. If they're going to be collecting their child anyway and walking in your direction for all of what sounds like a few metres, I don't see anyone having an issue with this.