Can school stop this?

[CherryCherri]

My son collects my daughter from school whilst I wait outside with my other child. My son is 12 and my daughter is 7. The school were fine with this as I was waiting just outside and they are aware of this, never been a problem for 2 years. However a new headteacher started last year and suddenly it’s now a problem. Now siblings have to be 16 to collect. I explained my situation and why my son is collecting and that I’m waiting right outside and at no point is he ever expected to bring her home alone, they were ok with this until recently and now it’s a problem again. I’ve repeated again I am just right outside, members of staff can see me and I can see my son the whole time he is in the playground but nope they have refused and said he isn’t allowed to collect her and bring her to me. Now I hear time and time again on here that schools can’t dictate this but can they? They refused to allow my daughter to go with my son the other day so seems the school do have the final say. I’m asking if I insist he collects her can they stop it and I’m guessing all they could do is refer to ss, how would ss view this situation?

What is the reason you can’t go in? Unless you’re physically disabled I can’t see why you can’t go in

Why do you need to know the OP's personal details 🤔So odd.

If the staff can see you can’t they send her to you?

have you met the new headteacher and explained the reasoning behind it

OP I think it would help to recognise that the reason you can't go in will be relevant to the reasonableness of their decision to stick to their policy.

If it is releated to a disability then thye should consider your request as a reasonable adjustment and engage with you to find a solution.

If it's because you had a falling out with a different parent and want to avoid them, they may reasonably not consider that a good enough reason to deviate from their policy.

They are entitled to have a policy.

She’s created a post about an issue that she’s rigid on. It’s not unreasonable to ask why she’s so rigid about it. She doesn’t have to answer.

I would want a meeting with the head to hear their views considering the previous head was fine with the situation. If that doesn't get you anywhere ask another parent from your child' class to literally walk them out. I would do this for you because I think school are being ridiculous. Clearly there is a reason and not a I can't be arsed to get out of the car.

We had a disabled parent who used a wheelchair and was able to drive. There were allowed to park in the drop off zone which was only used in the mornings for drop off. No collections allowed apart from this parent. The child could not leave the school alone as there were staff on both gates, the child knew to come to the side gate where SLT watched them walk the 6 steps from gate to the parent's car.

@qualifiedazure you get that I am not actually the school, right? I just agree that not discharging a 7 year old to a 12 year old is a reasonable choice.

As OP has now clarified staff can see her (as it may have been - from the first post - that she had to wait in the car with her youngest and wasn’t visible) then I think that the school’s position is less reasonable. So she can discuss with the school either that she will always make eye contact and wave to the teacher so they can see DD7 is being discharged to her. Or - and this suggestion from you is good - that DD7 is discharged last and a teacher quickly walks her to the gate and more directly into OP’s care.

I’d ask the teacher to walk the child over to you or ask another parent to do it.

They refused to allow my daughter to go with my son the other day so seems the school do have the final say.

So what’s been happening since this, and on the day above? They’ve refused to hand DD to DS so you’ve gone in yourself and gotten her? Or you’ve waited outside until the school have given in? Or a different adult has gone to fetch her?

If you’ve been going in to get her I presume they’ll use that to show that you have been collecting her without incident so your reasoning for not wanting to doesn’t hold… I think ultimately it will just be a battle between you and them, and I’m not sure you’ll win unless you’re ready to wait them out every day of the week. And I wouldn’t want to have that kind of negative relationship with DD school honestly.

I sense you feel strongly about it but is this really a battle you want to fight? Is your safety, or the safety of another minor, at risk? Or is it just that you don’t like walking past the receptionist that you don’t like? Can another child’s parent who’s there every day collect her? No need to answer these publicly in this thread but I’d just think about where you want to create struggle for yourself..

Not sure on rules but it lacks common sense

my kids are well past primary age but it was usual for high school kids to walk down to the primary to get their siblings to walk home with them.

”safeguarding” my arse. There is zero safeguarding risk from a 12 year old walking with his 7 year old sister to his mum waiting nearby!

Where have you seen this?

About which policies?

When you keep them off, when you send them in, etc etc are all in a parent’s control. Some issues are down to the parents, some to the school, some to a negotiation between both.

You aren’t a ‘customer who is always right’ with school, you will have had to sign a school home partnership agreement outlining the school’s policies and your commitment to follow them. It’s unworkable to have a different policy for every family in the school.

If school have changed to an Over 16s policy, in all likelihood there was an incident which prompted that change - about which you would know nothing.

I do have good reasons hence why it’s been allowed for the last 2 years, he has been doing it for 2 years when she was in year 1 and year 2 so he was also younger, if I didn’t have good reason it wouldn’t have been allowed I just don’t need mumsnet to tell me if they think the reasons are good enough as that’s not what I’m asking but yes it’s relating to disability. The other head teacher was perfectly fine with it and extremely understanding again I want to make clear this has been happening for 2 years it’s only since the new one started and they’ve taken issue with it.

It seems unfair on your ds if he's tied to doing this every day when you're there anyway. What if he wants to go to an after school club, or walk home with friends or has a detention or is ill or on an INSET day or residential school trip?

No it’s the new head teacher that’s change it she’s changed various other rules as well so not just this, there have been many threads about kids leaving school alone and what age is allowed, if you haven’t seen them then I’m sure you can do a search but im not going to link any. Just search what age can child leave schools alone and I’m sure you will find some.

This feels like one where the school should not be able to hold the child but actually they are going to because who wants to put their 7 year old (and 12 year old) through the stress of disobeying the teachers. They can't stop your child leaving but it puts the kids in a really horrible situation. They'd probably ban the 12 year old from the premises then you're back at square 1. Also "you don't actually need permission, just get on with it" might not be a lesson you want your kids to learn at this point.

I would be surprised if many/any of those threads had lots of posters saying a year 3 child could leave school alone.

But in primary school, the school sets the policy. They cannot send a child out to leave early or walk home alone without an adult present if that’s in their policies. Which the new headteacher can set at any point.

This is all rather unusual.

No they don’t but she isn’t walking home alone is she? Or even leaving alone. They general consensus is it’s not up to the school on what age a child can leave school alone but again she isn’t leaving alone and I’m outside and staff can see me.

If it is disability related can you drive into school.grounds to the car park and they bring the child to you?

This was the solution for parents at our primary school. One parent was disabled. The other had a younger child severly disabled and cared for at home.

Again, you keep declaring this is a consensus but it clearly isn’t on this thread and hasn’t been on the many threads in the 9 years I’ve been here.

Apt, given your username, but I think you are cherry picking the threads you pay attention to.

OP it IS up to the school to set a collection policy. It just is.

If you need a reasonable adjustment to that policy because of a disability related reason I would write to the school setting this out, and explaing why you think your proposal is reasonable and safe including that it has worked well for 2 years.

If they decline, ask for reasons. If you disagree, you can escalate it under the complaints procedure.

Yes it’s up to the school. Could you agree for another nominated parent to bring your child out to you?

The child remains legally the school's responsibility until the moment they are handed over to parental care, or those entrusted with this in loco parentis such as a childminder or other named person on behalf of the parents.

If the school has set an age limit on this, this will be the reason. They know fine well that were something to go wrong in the short transition between your 12-YO collecting the DC and the handover to you, they could be held legally culpable.

This is their own safeguarding policy. From their perspective they are merely fulfilling their minimum legal obligation, and it doesn't look as though they are going to deviate from this.

To my mind if your reasons for not going into school are disability related and the staff can see you’re outside then it seems ludicrous that the new head is not making these adjustments for you. I’m sure your 12 year old feels very awkward too, poor kid.