Can school stop this?

[CherryCherri]

My son collects my daughter from school whilst I wait outside with my other child. My son is 12 and my daughter is 7. The school were fine with this as I was waiting just outside and they are aware of this, never been a problem for 2 years. However a new headteacher started last year and suddenly it’s now a problem. Now siblings have to be 16 to collect. I explained my situation and why my son is collecting and that I’m waiting right outside and at no point is he ever expected to bring her home alone, they were ok with this until recently and now it’s a problem again. I’ve repeated again I am just right outside, members of staff can see me and I can see my son the whole time he is in the playground but nope they have refused and said he isn’t allowed to collect her and bring her to me. Now I hear time and time again on here that schools can’t dictate this but can they? They refused to allow my daughter to go with my son the other day so seems the school do have the final say. I’m asking if I insist he collects her can they stop it and I’m guessing all they could do is refer to ss, how would ss view this situation?

I would start bringing in to the conversation about discrimination, because they aren't making allowances for your disability. It's not like you are expecting your son to take her home, you are just there.

Can you talk to your local authority? Board of directors?

What difference is it from the local authority arranging transport, which could be a taxi - to you just waiting outside? It's unnecessary bureaucracy.

Maybe that's your answer, OP - say if they won't allow your son in, you have no choice but to ask them either to bring your child to you, or allow her to walk up to the gate on her own so you (or your son) can collect from there. Mention the need to make reasonable adjustments.

No you cant override the school. I would be willing to have a meeting with you to explain but I wouldn't change my mind as then it would open the floodgates. We would have that rule for a reason (we have no rule like that in my current school)

Was your 12 year old ever a pupil in the school? Perhaps it's because the new head doesn't want past pupils on-site or perhaps he just wants pupils he knows on-site?
Usually visitors have name badges etc, perhaps your son could have a name badge to go onto school grounds. Could even volunteer in other areas when they're older etc because he's a valued member of the school team.
If only the schools would see him in this light.

Wow, that is really backwards, considering cycling is so good for health and exercise. Schools where I am strongly encourage children to cycle from 2nd grade (8 years old - its not encouraged for first graders but also isn't disallowed) and have a massive cycle park.

dont be daft, he isn't there as a guest, he's there as a nominated pick-up person, same as everyone else picking their kids up.

you going to suggest they all wear name badge too?

Schools, like other organisations and agencies with responsibility for children, have to have a safeguarding policy.

It will almost certainly say that a child will not be discharged into a situation which in their opinion the child would be less than safe.

This includes into the care of another child.

Their own safeguarding policy sets their rule. For them.

You are being unreasonable with your 'it's up to the parents not the school, MN is hypocritical' stance. Parents might agree to all sorts of things that the school does not allow. Cutting with scalpels, alcohol in a 10 year old's lunch box....

Fight it. The rules are becoming ludicrous.

Unless I’m missing this part, the OP hasn’t stated she a disability. As far as I can see she hasn’t clarified the reason she can’t move from where she waits to her DCs classroom to collect them.

This, 100%. Draconian uniform rules, fines for term-time holidays, nonsense like the OP's situation - I think schools in England have gone very badly wrong when this is where their focus lies. And I'd be surprised if there's any evidence it leads to greater educational attainment, or indeed happiness for the children concerned.

It's difficult to give advice without knowing the context. If you feel you have valid grounds for continuing the previous arrangement then you need to argue that case to the relevant people in the school. Without context, people can't advise on how to do that, though.

I’m in Scotland and school says pick up person has to be 16. I’ve been a bit eye rolly about this too in the past. I sometimes bring dog then I politely wait slightly up from the gate along the wrought iron railings so visible. I’d wave cheerfully, teacher would refuse to let children go. I’d ask a mate on the way past to collect them for me ( someone who has collected dc before for a play date) or teacher walked them the twenty yards to gate at the end. It wasn’t very often as they get the bus and p5 now so allowed to wander off alone.

Ok

So the new head started in Dec 2023
The school put in place a policy of “no under 16s to collect” in March 2024
They wrote to you giving an exception on grounds of disability (yours or your youngest child, doesn’t matter which) and that you were very close to school to meet your children
They have now withdrawn that exception.

I may have missed it, but why is it you think that the not-so-new head withdrew it, as opposed to another member of staff, or the governors, or the LA?

I think, as you had an exception/reasonable adjustment, asking why it was withdrawn and what their alternative is would be very fair. This might then involve a teacher walking DD7 to the gate; you have a good “case” for this as they do this on days when DS12 isn’t available and They have previously acknowledged that you need an exception.

Have you checked this sort of thing?

She has said its disability related.

With all do respect, people can ask you any question they like. This is a public forum and you don't own the thread. Whether you answer the questions or respond at all is up to you.

Whether a school can dictate a sibling must 16 or 12 is besides the point. They won't let your daughter go with your son. So you can either accept that and collect her yourself or you move them from the school.

Thanks, I missed that update.

Its not that common actually.
Around here I know dozens of schools policies around this due to working in various schools.
None of them allow an under 16 year old to pick up a child younger than year 5. None let children younger than y5 walk out of school alone.
It might be different in various parts of the UK but in my county that is certainly the case for all the schools I’ve worked in (SE)

You are not a special case as far as I’m aware? If you were then a staff member would find the time to take your child out to your car for you.

Why must all the other parents go in themselves when you want to wait in the car? I’m sure lots of parents struggle for many various reasons with both drop off and pick up.

100%

Not to mention the children that use public transport to get themselves to and from school all over London.

It's ridiculous.

Schools need to acknowledge parents' rights to do this if the parents believe their children are perfectly capable of walking to/from a school safely.

Not to mention the children that use public transport to get themselves to and from school all over London.

Are there many 7 year olds doing this?

It was the 1980's, and I did grow up in a village, but my brother and I used to walk to school aged 7 and 5.

Why can't the 7 year old just leave on her own and meet your son at the school gates?

Are you sure it's not just her current teacher who is not understanding the arrangement? It would be weird for it to have been ok in March but not now all of a sudden. The head has been there longer than that.

School's made up policy does not trump law

I would put it in writing, including to safeguarding governor that this is what will be happening, that you have risk assessed the arrangement which has proved safe hitherto, and take responsibility for your child's safeguarding.

If there are issues to do with disability, your own or the care of another child's I would not hesitate to highlight them.

Are they proposing to keep your child at school and subsequently call SS, when you fail to collect, who will be fucking enraged at the waste of time and lack of pragmatism? I'd be tempted to try them.

My kids always picked up their siblings, and took the bus home together.

Again, impractical policy isn't enforceable.

SS would roll their eyes with disdain

If a parent continues to fail to collect their child they refer to the relevant agencies