THE ONE THING I ASKED HIM NOT TO DO!!!

[imverynosey]

Soooo angry right now. AIBU?
I asked my partner to watch our 2 month old whilst I went for afternoon tea (first time I'd ever left them alone properly)

I specifically said PLEASE DO NOT FALL ASLEEP WITH HER ON YOU OR NEXT TO YOU ON THE SOFA. He knows how anxious I am about SIDS, he's heard the horror stories. He knows babies have died this way. All day I had a dreadful anxiety that he would do it and woe betide I come in and they are asleep next to each other on the sofa!!! I'm so angry my wishes have yet again being DISRESPECTED AND IGNORED !!!!!

I think that describes your response quite well.

Sorry lovelies so so many messages to get through
On here. Just wanted to say I agree with you all it was totally unacceptable, I am still suffering anxiety over this (o was anxious before) so I am upset he did this as my anxiety has been through the roof since!! I'm scared now to even leave her with his mum and she is amazing. I've asked
Him to ensure she never sleeps on the sofa with her as I've been reading horror stories :(

I haven't kicked him out. I had very very stern words though and made him feel like shit tbh and gave him a shock , told him I'd call the HV to come and give him a personal grilling!!!

THIS!!!

To the man on here , what a ridiculous comparison!!!! I'd much rather walk in on my partner shagging the neighbour than ever walk in on him and our baby sleeping on the sofa ever again!

I know exactly how you feel. My DH insisted that he would be fine with DS 6 months on the caravan seating after a long drive on holiday. I asked him to put him down on his playmat but he insisted. I was in the shower when I heard the thud. The doctor left DH in no doubt as to how wrong this was. DS had rolled off the caravan seating and fallen backward so hit the back of his head - fortunately on the playmat. When we got back back from hospital and both DC were in bed I stood over DH and as quietly as I could hit the roof. He accepted it and never argued with me ever again about safety.

If he doesn’t get how bloody stupid he has been, he cannot be trusted near your DC. It’s as simple as that.

Just seen this - yes, in effect this is what happened in our case except the French A&E doctor delivered the warning and I followed it up.

Oh bloody hell. If you don’t trust him with your child, don’t leave him with your child. That part is simple.

Seriously, I’m not sure your approach helped the situation much and based on the fact you still haven’t calmed down you seem to be in a state where you are reliving the ‘what could have happened’ gut punch and not the ‘relieved everything is okay’. It’s an emotional scar that you seem to be holding on to.

good luck with however you deal with the relationship going forward. It sounds like you feel you are disrespected on a regular basis. If you don’t feel heard now will you feel heard later?

I understand how you feel, it was an issue with my partner and I for both our babies. I think you need to recognise that your husband is probably exhausted too, and rather than getting angry try to figure out some strategies to avoid this happening again. Obviously it doesn't mean you can't trust him with his child, it's his child too and he probably didn't mean to fall asleep.

Do you have postnatal depression? This catastrophising isn't healthy. No harm came to your child and torturing yourself with all the what-ifs is not going to do anyone any good.

@Maray1967 oh my goodness! You must have been furious! I'm so glad your baby was ok aswell x

You are definitely justified. If this happened to me I'd know I couldn't trust my OH. Sleeping like this and not using car seats properly are my two non negotiables when it comes to babies.

This is a bit ridiculous. He has a newborn. Why on earth would your mind go to drink/drugs and not tired new parent ?!

@BodenCardiganNot that is such an unhelpful comment.

Oh so he is saying your reaction is the problem and not what he did?

Careful as he may be 'training' you to be afraid of his reaction so that you never can leave the house, go to work, due to his weaponized incompetence and threatening reactions.

I'd play the long game and do whatever you need to do to ensure he isn't in sole care of your baby at any point. Ask him to help with other household jobs to take a little of the load off you while you can evaluate what you want to happen longer term

Get the HV around to give him a Lecture.
for me, that’s a fate worse than death. Maybe it will be productive.

Threatening reactions? She’s the one who was admittedly in a rage

In the wars, men would fall asleep at their posts, even though they could be shot for doing so. People nowadays fall asleep at the wheel. It is an involuntary thing. Your partner probably didn't intend to do it. It is unfortunate but omg you are overreacting. Like he disobeyed you. Let it go.

You’re wasting your breath, the prevailing opinion on this thread is “he didn’t do as he was told!!” So therefore a crap dad and should never be trusted with baby again, oh and she should probably leave him because he didn’t apologise right away and tried to defand himself against his “raging” wife.

I know. But it's important to add some reason!!

And who wouldn't be, when their baby's life had been put at risk?
It's a normal reaction from a mother.

He did disobey her.
OP's not overreacting.
How does she let it go, her baby could have died?

I think you're wrong about the prevailing opinion.
The prevailing opinion is that a baby could have died, needlessly.
Due to stupidity and not listening to OP's safety advice.

As a parent of a premature baby who stopped breathing and had to be resuscitated when I closed my eyes while breastfeeding for two minutes, you are not being unreasonable. I was insanely tired but some instinct made me check, thank God. Scariest time of my life