I want to be SAHM, do I need to marry a banker to become one?

[PoliteEagle]

After being single for a couple of years and doing all the healing, I am now ready for a relationship leading to a family. The thing is, I want a kid but I want to be SAHM, at least till they go to school and then part time max. I have a good professional job but I don't have career aspirations and not really passionate about my job. I just don't see myself juggling work and childcare responsibilities. I have only 3 friends who are SAHMs, two are married to traders and one to big3 management consultant. In nowadays economy is it the only option to be SAHM? to marry a lawyer, banker or a consultant? The last thing I want is to choose SO by their job as it feels incredibly shallow. SAHMs how did you became ones?

I mean high paying jobs in general not only bankers. Lawyers ,management consultants, tech. But some posters raised very valid points that values should align.
Your husband wouldn't even want a wife to SAH while kids are pre-school age? Even if you wanted and you have means for that?

Well it seems more realistic to start putting some money by to help support yourself as its an aim of yours, than target high earners that want a sahm.

It will widen the net of potential fathers to decent men who aren't rich enough to be sole breadwinners. Remember nice men who aren't rich can pay half the running costs of a home or even a bit more than half, so you dont need save the whole cost for 5 years to widen your net.

How they can leave you screwed if all assets to be split equally?

Not only, I know two people married with a house and big car, who are also cleaners. Raised 4 kids together in just west of London. Life happens well if you live it wisely with a moral, good partner.

I'm not sure highly paid men even want sahm wives any more, they're just as likely to want the other half of a power couple. And unfortunately, having worked with lots of high flying men, I do think having a sahw taking care of everything at home makes it very easy for them to be "working late" or "travelling" while they conduct their affairs.

If you're average looking don't waste your time. They have options.

Thats not true, well they may have options but plenty of high earners marry average looking people.

You could expand your job list to include tech!

Yet you decided to be SAHM/W. You are unhappy? Why?

Not looking a man in finance particular, just the one who would be able to support a family, mentioned a banker in a headline to attract attention:)

Feel like OP is getting a lot of hate. Obviously you should target high earners if you want to be a sahp and not struggle for money.

My DP is a City lawyer. We both earn similarly but he'd be happy for me to be a sahp if that's what I wanted. I do think having a high paid partner gives you more options to stay at home when babies are young. I'd have gone mad at home though

i think you are right, not sure about enterpreneur as it can be unstable. But tech is definetely the area i need to consder. I guess guys there are intellectual, introverted, not party animals.
Bankers yes you are right very specific, there are nice bankers but not many

they are married for 5+ years, if assets to be split equally, they will never have to work again.

How much money are you talking about here for a divorce to mean the SAHM would never have to work again??

If sounds like you are solely going to target extremely rich men purely so that they can bear all household finances just so that you can give up work. I would hate for my son to be hooked by someone like you!

It feels all rather mercenary. What if you meet the absolute love of your life but he ‘only’ earns £50k?

Or marry someone with family wealth. A 100k salary goes a lot further if they got onto the ladder years ago.

I think the point you are missing @PoliteEagle is that young, wealthy young men (like my DS and his contemporaries) meet their partners through old school/uni friends, as equal work colleagues, etc. They tend to have common threads and mutual connections.

My DIL will be able to be a SAHM as DS is successful in a non commercial field but a trustafarian; her folk are similar to us. Similarly DD will have the choice as bf is also a trustafarian and also a qualified professional in a lucrative field. They have known each other since childhood.

What's your USP?

well our mothers and grandmothers stayed at home and it was ok, do you call your mum and grand a gold-digger? Not clear how many of them would choose to work if they had a choice?
If staying at home to raise a child make me a golddigger even i bring assets into marriage, let it be so

not a wealthy background, but someone who is self made. Ambitious yet with traditional values.

This is bloody spot on!

You want to marry a banker or someone else with a highly paid job but you bring fuck all to the table. Of course you’re a gold digger.

I know a few that are SAHM and husband is in low paid job, they claim benefits and seem to be thriving buying new things all the time, smoking ect... its doable

@PoliteEagle my mother and grandmother both worked despite being extremely comfortable.

so you advice me to save to finance myself to be SAHM? yet you say you are SAHM and it is DH who finances you and kids?

When the house is sold and you get half the value and can no longer afford to live in the area your DC go to school, you’ll be a bit up sh*t creek for a start.

You can be a SAHM no matter who you marry, as long as both you and your husband agree with the choice. I don't understand why you should have to find a high earner to be a SAHM. All you need is someone who agrees with your choice.

I’m a SAHM, not married into money and dh has a regular job not a high earner (shop manager) I was in care from age 6, placed in social
housing at 16, had 2 dc and was rehoused , I was then able to buy my council house a few years later as I was left a large inheritance amount. Met Dh and when we had dc together I chose to carry on being a sahm. I feel lucky to have the opportunities I’ve had. I now get LCWRA as can’t work so I’ve been able to stay a SAHM and although sometimes I wish I didn’t have the MH issues due to past trauma I do see how it’s given me the opportunity to be a SAHM so I try to see that as a positive

Read my two posts, I havent shamed you.

1. you need a good, caring and moral man, no matter the salary. He needs to work hard though and keep a job
2. I know two married cleaners, who raised 4 kids in a house West from London, still work as cleaners, in their 50s and drive a big car. All their kids are uni educated. She is good money manager.
3. I am TA with SEN and married with a teacher, I did 8 years at home and we lived on his salary for ages....even now I do with my salary what I want. You need to be having the gut to keep some of your money private, just in case.

Honestly I admire your honesty but in reality there are lots and lots of frogs out there . Finding anyone compatible and kind and good husband material in todays world is hard, if you're going to throw in only high earners who'd be happy to have their wife stay at home and not contribute financially youlll be picking from an incredibly small pool.
Maybe you might be lucky but depending on what age you are I wouldn't be waiting for that specific mr right for ever.

Yes, they got lucky with their husbands. But i didn't say never worked again. I wouldn't want to work till kids are in school and then part time only till they are teens. Economy has become shit in this country, very few men are able to provide for a family even if they work really hard.