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Original poster

I want to be SAHM, do I need to marry a banker to become one?

459 replies

PoliteEagle · 27/08/2024 21:11

After being single for a couple of years and doing all the healing, I am now ready for a relationship leading to a family. The thing is, I want a kid but I want to be SAHM, at least till they go to school and then part time max. I have a good professional job but I don't have career aspirations and not really passionate about my job. I just don't see myself juggling work and childcare responsibilities. I have only 3 friends who are SAHMs, two are married to traders and one to big3 management consultant. In nowadays economy is it the only option to be SAHM? to marry a lawyer, banker or a consultant? The last thing I want is to choose SO by their job as it feels incredibly shallow. SAHMs how did you became ones?

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Original poster
PoliteEagle · 01/09/2024 09:57

JumpstartMondays · 31/08/2024 23:18

Parents are born when their children are born. When and/or if you have them, you'll know.

And I didn't once say your parents bankrolled your university experience, that's what your mind read. I said they'd enabled you to make the choice yourself. Open your mind and you'll see. Education is not just university, it is all that comes before that too.

Work is just a rat race in most cases? I'm saddened for you that you haven't found a passion yet or have your own goals. You're young I think, there's time. I hope you find those for yourself before you find a partner that is your equal.

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I have passion and goals and you are better to be sad for yourself, you don’t seem to know how better to utilise your time apart from pitying women on forum who don’t need your pity.

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Original poster
PoliteEagle · 01/09/2024 09:59

Youthiswastedontheyoung · 01/09/2024 00:14

@Parker231 Yes she rejects him because someone on minimum wage would be unable to facilitate her becoming a SAHM plus gym membership and nice holidays.
What's love got to do with it?!!!
My husband works in social care supporting incredibly vulnerable adults with mental health conditions. Crap pay, incredible guy.
Yes I work too because financially I have to, but also because I take a pride in my career and contributing financially to our household.

What is your job? You earn about the same as your husband or subside him out of your wages?

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Original poster
PoliteEagle · 01/09/2024 10:00

ElizaMulvil · 01/09/2024 07:48

You may find that people with family wealth will have it protected eg in a trust so that it can't be lost to outsiders. I knew a woman who married a man with family wealth but when they divorced she discovered that 'his' house was in a trust and so was his 'wealth'. She got nothing.

Also beware an ambitious man who may just decide his ambition means relocating to the US, Middle East, Australia...... but forgets to take you and family along. ( Several instances in my family over the years.) The wives were left with nothing of course.

Don't get married in eg France because the chateau looks so pretty.........where it's possible to marry with 'separation des biens. An aquaintance did this naively and discovered she had nothing when they divorced.

My mother's mantra ' NEVER give up your job' still stands.

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Not interested in family wealth, I like self made guys from middle class families who are intelligent, ambitious and worked hard to get where they are. Similar to myself

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Original poster
PoliteEagle · 01/09/2024 10:03

Bedroomdilemmas113 · 01/09/2024 07:56

🤣🤣 no I am well off enough to have the life you want, if I wanted it! Thankfully I did things the right way round and we both started with nothing together.

You don’t start with love when you’re starting with a shopping list of ‘rich man who is happy to keep me for all of eternity’. You’re a gold digger, and they’re very used to sniffing those out.

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Highly doubt so. You can say whatever you want on this forum. You can call me a names but if you think it makes you better, you are wrong.

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Original poster
PoliteEagle · 01/09/2024 10:04

Bedroomdilemmas113 · 01/09/2024 07:58

Should have married your ex then shouldn’t you 🤣

Honestly, you sound awful.

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You sound even worse. Apparently you don’t have other life only to post crap on forums.

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Youthiswastedontheyoung · 03/09/2024 00:24

@PoliteEagle I think the word you're looking for is subsidise.
Shock horror - I earn more than my husband!! I'm a qualified teacher whereas he didn't go to university.
Do I subsidise him? No. Although it appears this is what you expect a husband to do for his wife?
We both work and, as a married couple who love and respect one another, we both contribute financially to our household in a way that works for us.
Is your opinion of the 1900s - that man should work and pay everything whilst woman stays at home?
Why would you throw your career away?

Original poster
PoliteEagle · 23/09/2024 16:10

Youthiswastedontheyoung · 03/09/2024 00:24

@PoliteEagle I think the word you're looking for is subsidise.
Shock horror - I earn more than my husband!! I'm a qualified teacher whereas he didn't go to university.
Do I subsidise him? No. Although it appears this is what you expect a husband to do for his wife?
We both work and, as a married couple who love and respect one another, we both contribute financially to our household in a way that works for us.
Is your opinion of the 1900s - that man should work and pay everything whilst woman stays at home?
Why would you throw your career away?

I suppose to have a family not a subsidy. For your family it works that you both work equally and your kids are being looked after by other people. I don't want that for my family. Period.
For me a family is more important than a career. People do have different priorities and values. And that should be fine.

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Parker231 · 23/09/2024 19:16

PoliteEagle · 23/09/2024 16:10

I suppose to have a family not a subsidy. For your family it works that you both work equally and your kids are being looked after by other people. I don't want that for my family. Period.
For me a family is more important than a career. People do have different priorities and values. And that should be fine.

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You can have both - my DT’s are my proudest achievement but I love the success and enjoyment my career has bought me

Original poster
PoliteEagle · 23/09/2024 22:09

Parker231 · 23/09/2024 19:16

You can have both - my DT’s are my proudest achievement but I love the success and enjoyment my career has bought me

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glad that i works for you

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