I want to be SAHM, do I need to marry a banker to become one?

[PoliteEagle]

After being single for a couple of years and doing all the healing, I am now ready for a relationship leading to a family. The thing is, I want a kid but I want to be SAHM, at least till they go to school and then part time max. I have a good professional job but I don't have career aspirations and not really passionate about my job. I just don't see myself juggling work and childcare responsibilities. I have only 3 friends who are SAHMs, two are married to traders and one to big3 management consultant. In nowadays economy is it the only option to be SAHM? to marry a lawyer, banker or a consultant? The last thing I want is to choose SO by their job as it feels incredibly shallow. SAHMs how did you became ones?

Crikey this is one of the most mercenary posts I've read on here. If you're already planning to be a SAHM why don't you start making financial provisions for that yourself now instead of trying to attract a suitably wealthy partner? You've plenty of time to begin saving. This whole post has given me the ick. If you already know you want to finance being at home with your future children, work hard now and make it a realistic option instead of trying to make it someone else's financial burden.

Marrying someone for a certain lifestyle is sure to end in disaster.
Marry someone you love, are compatible with and make sure you have similar views on the important stuff.

Save your own money if you want to be a SAHM. Don't find a man and use him for what he can offer you.

DH is a high earner and before children I worked. I became a SAHM because we both decided it was best for our family but had it been easier for us with me continuing to work, I would've.

they are married for 5+ years, if assets to be split equally, they will never have to work again. One of those women was SAHM till kids went to school and now she is part time, another one still at home as kid is 3yo, even if he file for divorce, she is an ex auditor so will not have a problem to find a jon, and the third lady is running her own business namely a cafe and some other staff, her kids are also in school now. So they all should be fine. I am a good professional in an area which is in demand. When I say i am not career oriented, I don't mean I don't have a good career, I do and i work constantly on developing my skills and differentiating myself in job market. As I mentioned an ideal set up would be SAHM till school and then part time.

Get a life, please.

What sort of example are you setting to your future children, particularly your daughters? That you work hard at school but pack it in because you wanted to live off someone else after all that work you put into your career?

Sorry OP, but you come across as a gold digger and very out of touch with how much it costs to have a family these days. Dont give up your career unless it works best for your family - you're incredibly vulnerable if your relationship breaks down

I was a SAHM when my children were pre-school. My husband is a cleaner. You cut your cloth to your needs...

No, I will not be able to save 5 years of living. For me that would be like 150k after tax, I will turn grey before I manage to safe that amount

I'm looking for a man in finance
Trust fund
6'5
Blue eyes
I'm not the lyric police honestly 🤣 I've heard that song on repeat from my teens

My DH earns enough for me to be a SAHM if we really tightened our belts....but then I had a baby and realized I really, really don't want to be one!!

Just a warning that when I was doing my pre-natal classes in a very affluent part of London several of the women in my group planned to be SAHMs but after they realised how much hard work it is raising pre-school age kids they changed their minds and went back to their finance, tech & recruitment jobs!

Haha living in Hampstead and doing pilates while kids are in private school would be a dream for me but not a necessity. I would be more than happy with 2 bed flat in outskirt of London or in a commuter town as long as the area is not dogdy. But I just dont see how a man on normal professional job in London would cope. Say we take a guy in his mid 30ies to early 40ies in London in a professional job but not a lawyer etc I would expect salary around 100k pre tax which gives 5k pcm after tax. Mortgage and all the bills will be at least half of that. And on top comes food, holidays, clothes , trasnsport. Probably possible but massive stretch and loss in quality of life

You must realise this isn’t the norm?? DH and I are both in professional jobs (think architect/engineer/doctor/pharmacist/graphic design/psychologist level - comfortable, educated but not loaded) and we don’t know anybody who could afford to never work again. The few SAH families in our circle (who also have or had the listed jobs) have made sacrifices to have a person at come. Its not an easy life at all.

I am good looking, but do you think these men go just for looks? my friends are good looking but not models

yes, be careful....it is not always about the money, but does he really love you and is he a normal, caring human being...

You need to live well within your means and save hard, before children arrive. So a life without luxuries for a few years, pay down mortgage etc, "living" off one income, then have DC when you can afford the lifestyle you want.

Although, please don't get yourself to a place where you've let your career go and are dependent on a man. At least keep your hand in part time, so you can go back if you need to.

It's not just the risk that he turns out to be a horror. DH died and whilst he left us reasonably well provided for, long term, my prospects would have been much worse if I'd lost the means to provide for myself.

Well, if Melania and Donald split up there could be an.opening?

Seriously, are you this transactional with all your relationships?

Well, you might not like sahm as much as you'd think. You imagine it's all games and cuddles but there's a lot of drudgery and repetition too. And tantrums. I found I coped much better with a part time job to give me a break and adult company.

High earning men might expect a sahm to do everything for them while they work long hours and commutes. Then still requiring some element of status wife - hair and makeup done everyday, house spotless, all that shit.

Then there's possible incompatibility and likelihood of affairs if you live in different worlds and have progressively less to talk about.

You'd also need a plan b in case of divorce or death.

Just meet someone and play it by ear.

Honestly looking after kids is exhausting. There was many many days in the early years when watching paint dry would have been more interesting. I missed work so badly.

You have no idea what you’ll find motherhood like.

A man is not a plan

ahah yeah traders in banks and hedge funds. I have no doubt that builders can make good money as well especially with house prices like that.....
Yes exactly, and I aslo want to experience that. Enjoy raising up my kids and not be in stress trying to juggle everything

And yes being a glorified house keeper gets old pretty quickly.

It worked for Melania.

Of course, she turned a blind eye to Donald having sex with porn stars, but at least she didn't have to work/will never have to work again.

If that's what you want you need to focus on your physical appearance and pleasing rich men.

I knee I needed to get back to work when I was having an in depth conversation in the supermarket...about what colour washing up liquid to buy.

@PoliteEagle I wanted to be a SAHM, probably always. I wasn't particularly ambitious but there was only one guarantee to be a SAHM. I got a job in the City, quite by chance and was quite taken with the rich, handsome young men but quickly found them over privileged, brittle, or both. Therefore I put my head down, worked like stink and resolved to make enough money to fund my own SAHM experience. It helped that I was good with numbers and could duck and dive.

Eventually I met DH who was on his uppers but genuine, loyal and moral and intellectual. Because I had the house already, when DS was born when I was nearly 35, we could afford for me to be a SAHM for 7 years. By happy coincidence, DH became very successful in his field and spent 25 years at the tip of his game but I went back to work (different career) because I got bored polishing the cooker. It was a great 7 years though.