Benefits of keeping small children at home

[HJA87]

In the light of a lot of negativity on several threads regarding keeping small babies at home/not using childcare for the first 3 years or so, I would like to hear from people who have done it and the benefits they are seeing. I’m hoping to have an extended mat leave by using unpaid leave and then maybe return to work v part time. I’m familiar with all the research on this topic in terms of benefits but I want to hear about real life experience.

Disclaimer: this isn’t supposed to be judgmental towards anyone who needs to/wants to use paid childcare.

It’s awful, we had 2 tummy bugs in the row then things like slapped cheek disease etc- things I’d never even heard of before!

There is no minimum time requirements for HomeEd. It happens at all/any time of the day, every day of the year if you so choose.

I chose to keep mine at home. I was very lucky to be able to make that choice. Not many people can. I would do it again if I had my time over.

I don't think many people understand the concepts of home ed or unschooling at all. It's something I was totally ignorant of until relatively recently when I saw what my friend was doing. I thought it had to be the same as a school year just at home. A like for like in a different setting.

"All this tells me is that my DC have different personalities and nothing to do with what age they started nursery."

But it sounds exactly like they were different because of the different ages they started nursery.

If you'd said, we put one in nursery at age one and they don't like people and prefer to be at home then yes, personalities.

I don't think you can conclude from one sociable child starting earlier and one loner child starting later that it's down to genetics.

@HJA87
My daughter had a short stint at nursery after she turned one and even now she’s 3 she sometimes mentions that she didn’t like nursery as it was noisy . No idea how she remembers that!

I worked for years in an excellent, well-planned preschool and I cannot begin to emphasise just how NOISY it is. Also it's hard work, learning to play in a group, take turns and the rest with this background of noise and often mayhem. Of course there's a rest / nap time but mostly it's very noisy.

Being able to spend time in a quiet environment, amongst nature - a park, a wood - must be blissful even if they do run around yelling! At least it's not spending the day to a constant background of a dozen or more voices in one room

Because she has very few things to remember and she's not a goldfish?

Exactly. I Home Ed all 4 of mine and it's brilliant. The freedom for them to learn as suited to their different interests/personalities is wonderful. Big advocate here!

The only reason childcare settings exist are to facilitate working parents. They wouldn’t exist otherwise so obviously they were not created because they were good for kids.

I think it’s what right for the family and children.

I did use nursery & wrap around for both my children - one is now 21 and the other nearly 15. If it didn’t work I would have changed plans & I did my eldest didn’t like after school clubs so changed my hours to suit her & to get a good balance. We choose very different nursery that worked with each of my children’s personalities.

It’s not about me working for holidays and cars it’s to keep a roof over our heads and it does mean as they went into teenagers years could flex work as they needed me. & it’s meant we’ve been able to support my eldest at uni.

My eldest daughter is about to start her first grad job, and she thinks as well as a career, finding a role that in the future she can be flexible around her very far away in the further children if she chooses to have them. As she has seen me do.

I never judge a parent choosing what works and not one thing works for all. Life is too short to judge other choices. What my children needed has always been a priority and if needed I would have changed and adapted.

I finally went to see a paediatrician privately and they’ve told me that yes it’s good to have your immune system challenged from time to time but the constant germs they are exposed to in nursery is not good for them, it’s not a natural environment.

That's interesting! Not too surprising when you think about it and makes life even harder for working parents..

It is very simplistic to compare one to the other.

some parents enjoy parenting groups , so there children socialise well , some parents hate messy play , painting so doesn’t happen at home , some need the balance of home and school - some not in nursery are living in poverty , some children are clingy , some happily settle anywhere

I was a childminder for 10 years I would say every family situation is unique if it is what is best for you as a family do it .

Mine started at 2 and loves nursery. He does a few days a week.

I have friends who have had to wait until 3 when the funding kicks in. They are all absolutely on their knees.

I prefer my work/home/time with my child balance.

This post is just demonstrating confirmation bias, you have a very skewed sample of people reporting what you want to hear. It's all subjective.

Also you need to consider confounding variables! many of the people who are SAHM may be in a different financial and socioeconomic status than those who have two working parents, which may lead to the choices they can make.

With regard to the immune system, there are so many factors at play, mine attended childcare settings and didn't have a particularly bad run of illnesses, never needed antibiotics.
You may end up getting a load of bugs once they go to school anyway, chickenpox, tonsillitis, nits, worms etc!!!

There are way too many variables. My kids are 17 and 20 and I'm in contact with many of their friends and their parents. I know kids who were in nursery or with nannies from 6 months old for 3 or 4 days a week but most had limited childcare in the early years. Who can truly say how early years childcare impacted them when many have suffered from things like bullying, death of loved ones, parental divorce etc along the way.

We have a nanny.

I had planned to send dc1 (now 6) to nursery but when I visited the ones near me - all very well regarded and ofsted good or outstanding - I just couldn’t bring myself to leave him there.

I can’t see any difference at all between dc1 and dc2 (who is now 3.5 and goes to nursery 2 mornings per week, but will go to school hours preschool in sept) and their peers who were at nursery 8-6 from under 12 months. But I believe they had a nicer and happier experience of 1-1 care in their own homes and that’s what mattered to me, even if it hasn’t had any lasting impact (which I’m sure it does anyway, even if not obvious now).

That's my experience too.
Very easy going people, don't argue, great team players,
They did pre-school 2-3 mornings a week from age 2½.
I'd agree about the teenage years though. I'd like to have worked a bit less and had more time for them (some of them) in later secondary.

I agree.

For what it's worth my childminder didn't send her DD to any form of pre school or nursery. When starting reception she struggled massively to the point the school kept asking her to collect her DD and she eventually deferred and started school a year later.

I think your idea of 'keeping small children at home' is too narrow op and not realistic. My dd is with me always as I'm a sahm but I'm not 'keeping her at home'. She's at toddler group almost every day which is basically nursery but with me there so it's not as black and white as you make out.

Research shows until the age for 3 a child should be with their primary caregiver ie parent. In saying that it will depend on the age of your child as around 2 they might enjoy a setting where they can play with other children and do some activities, even if they were to only go for a couple of hours a two or three days a week (and you will appreciate the break). And not to criticise to those who do, but it's quite obvious that a nursery setting isn't desirable for young babies, no one is going to love or care for your child like you, not to mention they won't be getting 1:1 care.

My nearly 6 year old has also never hit anyone in anger and went to nursery part time from 13 months until she started school. You can find anecdotal evidence for anything

I was a SAHM with our DS, as were some of my friends and I have also have friends who went back when the kids were 3 months.

I think it depends on the parent on wether it's a benefit or not.

If the parent is spending time with the child teaching it things, socialising with the child and enjoys being a SAHP, it's is definitely 100% beneficial for the child to be at home.

If the parent would rather be at work and feels that is what's best and doesn't see the value in being any home, then the child is better in a childcare setting.

I loved it and our DS started school, despite being the youngest in the class by near on a year, ahead of most of his class. He did attend nursery after he was 3 years old ready for school at 4 years old.
I just wanted him to have an insight into that sort of setting before going.

Oh and yes, it was a very very good nursery with a fabulous outdoor setting to try and match a bit of what he was used to, but can't agree more with others about once indoors it was soooo noisy.

I always found it bizarre when people said, he needs nursery to mix with other children, he needs nursery to get germs from other kids as he will be so poorly starting nursery and introduced to all those germs.... it was like they though a SAHP was exactly that, keeping them at home- not out at the park with others a few times a week, then at different types of stay and play session, woodland walk group, forest school groups, swimming sessions etc etc etc. bizzare

I was going to say this. My DS is 14. He went to a childminder from the age of 9 months. He's very kind, calm, gentle and laid back. He's never hit or bit another child in his life. He's very confident, has always shared toys and slept through the night from a few weeks old.