She doesn’t have enough pocket money to buy what she wants!

[Noodlenation]

DD7 wants a ridiculously priced doll for £59
She has got £33 pounds in her pocket money jar.
I give her £2 a week and she has a few extra pounds from birthdays and other events..

She wants it now. I said she has to wait until she has accumulated enough.
I have reminded her not to waste on silly things (as she has had more before) because then you end up not having enough to spend on big cool stuff.

question is how do I tackle this. Yes I’ve said no tough, you’ll just have to save but her tolerance is simmering, she’s going to explode and she is hard to handle when she’s like that but I’m firm and stand my ground.

I just want to know what to do. I said to her do some jobs for family and they can pay you what they wish to pay you. I even said save your money and me and dad will buy on your birthday which is a few months away.
she said no.

shes offered countless times to do chores and I can pay her, of course I said no because shes supposed to do them anyway.

so tell me I’m tired. Need a biscuit

Agree

I'd get her to do a set task, every day for a week. Something easy like unloading and loading the dishwasher, if that isn't one of her chores already. It will feel like a long time to her, like she will have "earnt" her doll when she gets it. A proviso of her getting paid her £3.70 each day, is that she's not allowed to whinge about the dishwasher, or the doll (and mean it).

I think a chart showing how much she has earnt would be good too, as others have suggested.

Then she can entertain herself, playing with the doll over the summer, and will have learnt about controlling her emotions, AND working to earn what you want. Plus, you'll get the dishwasher done every day for a week - everyone wins!

Buy it and keep it where she can't get it and let her earn money to pay for it.

I wouldn't spend £60 on a doll, unless it was birthday/christmas.
Our teenagers only get £10 a week so I think a few pounds at 7 is perfectly reasonable…Incidentally the most fun ours ever had at that age was a when we bought a massive fridge, its the size of a small shed, and the fun they had making the massive cardboard box into all sorts of adventures!

Having to wait until November is fine. It's a big old want, not a need.
Birthday and Xmas in our house for big wants. Seasonal toys/bikes were provided as needed. Everything else was put on a list or saved for. In reality, kids quickly realised that big stuff wasn't going to be saved for on their pocket money!

My dd is similar. She has even asked me to lend her the money. I've said no. I said if I want something then I have to wait and save up. Said I'd support her in doing some jobs for pocket money but I'm not lending it her.

Perhaps get her to do some (extra?) reading/writing and math during the holidays in preparation for next academic year and just get her the doll as a reward, if you can afford it . If you can't afford it ,I'd explain that to her and tell her she'll have to wait. She'll have her whole teenage years and adult life for life-lessons and hard reality checks, so if you can make her little heart happy now, why wouldn't you.

I don't agree with chores for money, chores are a part of life, they've got to learn that house work is not incentivised like that (it's not for us) and it's just part of being a respectful person when growing up in a household with other people, you all chip in, it shouldn't all be on one person. It sends the wrong message.

I'm more likely to reward good behaviour, so mine have birthdays in autumn/winter, but often get money around Easter (from family) and from us and family summer time for good reports, rewarding the effort part not so much the grade part (I know some people would not agree with this!) I find this helps distribute gifts throughout the year, and if it's something big, it has to wait for birthday/christmas.

I admit I would probably do this too. It's the summer holidays, she's only 7, and she's saved up over half of what she needs.

I don't agree with chores for money, chores are a part of life, they've got to learn that house work is not incentivised like that (it's not for us) and it's just part of being a respectful person when growing up in a household with other people, you all chip in, it shouldn't all be on one person. It sends the wrong message.

I think it depends on the chore, keeping rooms clean, hoovering and the like are day to day tasks that everyone chips in with. Cleaning out the car, a weeding job, cleaning out the fridge aren’t things I expect my kids to do so I’m happy to pay them for their efforts. I might not pay myself for doing them but I do reward myself with a glass of wine or a nice coffee for doing jobs I don’t like, so why not reward my kids too.

I think it depends on the chore, keeping rooms clean, hoovering and the like are day to day tasks that everyone chips in with. Cleaning out the car, a weeding job, cleaning out the fridge aren’t things I expect my kids to do so I’m happy to pay them for their efforts. I might not pay myself for doing them but I do reward myself with a glass of wine or a nice coffee for doing jobs I don’t like, so why not reward my kids too.

Yeah I can see that, but still dont choose to do it. Tbh we have a cleaner so there's not a huge amount we have to do, but I did get him to start cutting the grass and haven't paid him for that which I know is a common task for payment. I did let him have a treat from the cupboard though!

Someone already said ebay. I'm seconding it. You'll easily find one in the price range she already saved.

Building on the EBAY case, has she got old toys she could sell? My sons just made quite a bit selling their Playmobil on Marketplace. I was also massively appreciative of the space this enabled us to reclaim!

maybe you can give her the opportunity to "earn" a pay rise, not to £50 a week, but to something more than Victorian times. £2 isn't even enough to buy gruel.

No, but I was one. I waited until Christmas and birthday for expensive toys and as a result I treasured them more.

I’m guessing you have children who get given anything they want and kick off if they can’t have it.

To be totally honest, I don't know. I really don't know how to teach them. I know what I did. But I don't know if I did right. Because I am the only breadwinner in the family (made more sense to ask dh to look after dc as he was not a high earner and him working would not have covered paid childcare and school runs, etc) we never gave birthday gifts or Christmas gifts but I bought the necessities and paid for a private school. Necessities included iPads, I phones, language and music lessons. I am self-employed and my dc see what it takes to earn. I never gave any pocket money on a regular basis, but if dc needed stuff for school trips, new blades, etc. I would provide as much as was needed. Godparents occasionally sent gifts and money and the only surviving grandparent did. Again, because I am a free-lancer, I used to say to dc - if I don't make enough to pay for next year, you will change schools. I have yet to see whether I did right or not, too early to say.

I'd buy her the doll. She's fine really well to save some. She's only 7 and there is plenty of time for lessons and most of them will be genuine!
As for chores, chores should be part of life and especially part of being a family. Everyone does their bit to live comfortably and hygienically. Nothing wrong with getting pocket money for completing chores generally but just be careful that chores don't become transactional.

She’s 7 and getting £2 a week, that’s loads! More than my 10 year old gets!

Yeah I can see that, but still dont choose to do it. Tbh we have a cleaner so there's not a huge amount we have to do, but I did get him to start cutting the grass and haven't paid him for that which I know is a common task for payment. I did let him have a treat from the cupboard though!

My DS thinks cutting the grass is a treat job so no payment for that here either, but weeding the gravel path is a job you couldn’t pay me enough to do, so I did make up his savings for doing that.

I remember being about that age and wanting a 99p from Woolworths.

I had to save and save and do jobs for money. It took ages to get that 99p, but I still remember the lesson some 41 year later.

You are doing well OP. She will learb some vital lessons here

saving and budgeting
that it’s bot ok to tantrum when you don’t get what you want
stop wasting money on crap
waiting until your birthday/xmas
waiting in general
Doing extra for money

she has no right to be ‘hard to handle’. You are the parent.

They’re children, not servants! I bet the 9 yr old is expected to ‘parent’ the younger children too? 🤔

My 15yr old feeds the cats every day and that’s the sum total of his chores. You don’t have to treat kids as unpaid skivvies in order to bring up well rounded individuals. I’d rather he spend time pursuing his hobbies and playing with friends.

Agreeing with the second hand. I always offer the dc to look on vinted/marketplace/ebay for a cheaper second hand one if the wanted toy would take too long to save for.

I would consider it being a summer holiday treat - IF you can afford that.

I buy my kids things for them to play with over summer - it's just part of the cost of keeping them. busy/ happy!

Now is a really good time for her to enjoy the doll, another month of school holidays and then 2 more months until her birthday. By the time she saves it will then be her birthday and Christmas in quick succession. Let her have the doll now but don’t give her pocket money over the summer. I also like a pp suggestion of collecting old toys to donate to the charity shop before buying. I know it won’t pay towards the doll but the principle is the same and also that we have to make space for new things.
£2 a week is not enough for what you’re asking of her. Like others have said, I got similar in the late 1980s. She needs to be able to see that her saving is getting her somewhere. 6 months to save for a doll is a long time, especially when you’re only 7, it’s a big proportion of her life.