She doesn’t have enough pocket money to buy what she wants!

[Noodlenation]

DD7 wants a ridiculously priced doll for £59
She has got £33 pounds in her pocket money jar.
I give her £2 a week and she has a few extra pounds from birthdays and other events..

She wants it now. I said she has to wait until she has accumulated enough.
I have reminded her not to waste on silly things (as she has had more before) because then you end up not having enough to spend on big cool stuff.

question is how do I tackle this. Yes I’ve said no tough, you’ll just have to save but her tolerance is simmering, she’s going to explode and she is hard to handle when she’s like that but I’m firm and stand my ground.

I just want to know what to do. I said to her do some jobs for family and they can pay you what they wish to pay you. I even said save your money and me and dad will buy on your birthday which is a few months away.
she said no.

shes offered countless times to do chores and I can pay her, of course I said no because shes supposed to do them anyway.

so tell me I’m tired. Need a biscuit

Not necessarily it could just result in an upset and resentful child as she might not fully understand. Given the opportunity to do some little jobs to earn that extra money will give her a sense of achievement and a good work ethic at a young age .

God this is utterly joyless. She's only 7. Get her to do a few extra jobs and buy her the doll (assuming you can afford the shortfall). She sounds like a good kid (although surprisingly demanding given how strict you sound), but I think too much drama is surrounding this and it's making it into a big thing for her. She'll be 8 on her birthday, and might not even be into dolls for much longer. You'll probably regret not getting her the doll when she suddenly asks for makeup! Life is for living, try to spread joy!

Or we do a few extra shifts at work, ask family to help or some just stick it on a credit card. We don’t always wait let’s be honest !

you don’t have children do you?

It's a long time to save up at £2 a week. But if you have some behaviour issues with her generally (as it sounds when you are worried her 'exploding') then I would make the extra money dependent on good behaviour rather than extra chores. Maybe have a reward chart for behaviour and if she gets enough stickers she gets the extra money for the doll. That way you're showing her the value of good behaviour rather than teaching her that having a strop is the way to get what she wants.

I know she is only 7 but £2 is not a huge amount - I got £2 a week when I was 11 and I am 52 now! £2 wouldn't buy a comic now I don't think. It is obviously a tall order to save for the doll but she has put some effort in to get to £33!

I also think letting her do extra chores is not a bad thing, it is a lesson in hard work bringing rewards - she needs to prove how much she wants it by putting the work in. My kids would sometimes turn down the opportunity of money for chores, so it was a case of 'well you don;t want it that much then afterall'.

My two are like this (similar ages to yours). Older one loves to spend, younger one likes to accumulate.

Personally I would contribute to what she’s already saved and buy the doll because it’s the school holidays and this is the perfect time for her to play with it. Praise her for her significant contribution towards the doll so she still gets that feeling of doing something worthwhile.

Can you find one on eBay?? Or a second hand place. I would show her you can find it cheaper elsewhere and when she really wants something that’s so highly priced, she maybe can afford it if she shops about!!! X

my 3 year old for feeding the dog and changing his water bowl twice a day. This in addition to normal housekeeping like tidying their rooms, making their beds, dusting/polishing furniture, cleaning and putting away groceries, helping load, unload and fold laundry etc

Your 3 year old does all this? At 3? Christ, some people have right little Victorian workhouses at home don't they. Children should be allowed to just play at that age.

OP, your dd has a November birthday so does that mean you don't buy her any toys all year until birthday/Xmas? I always used to buy dd little treats in between and she is in no way a 'spoiled ' adult. I would have just put the extra to her birthday money. It's obviously something that will bring her joy and she has a long summer to play with it. Can't believe your giving it this much thought tbh. It's just an extra 20 quid for a doll that your dd will enjoy playing with. It's not that deep!

I wonder which one has been allocated the grape peeling job lol.

I was wondering if one had been sent up the chimney with a sweep 🤣

Has she got a history of demanding stuff? If she has and does not appreciate the things you buy her then I wouldn’t cave in. However if she is generally grateful and appreciative then I would definitely buy it. I loved seeing how much joy doing things like this brought to my children, it was totally worth treating them every so often, especially in school hols. Buying them toys etc only twice a year for birthdays and Christmas is a bit joyless if you can afford to do it more often (especially as her birthday is so close to Christmas). My children haven’t turned into spoiled, selfish brats which I think a lot of people fear might happen unless they make their kids work for every little treat. She probably won’t be in to dolls for that much longer and she will remember the time mummy bought her the doll she desperately wanted for ever!

I do like the PP’s suggestion of telling her you found it cheaper in the sale though.

I remember when I was a kid I desperately wanted a particular toy. My parents weren’t well off and I didn’t get ‘spoilt’ so normally I’d have to wait for Christmas or birthdays. I used to go home for lunch from school and one day my mum said to me oh could you look behind that cushion I think I’ve left something there. I looked behind it and it was the toy I desperately wanted. I was thrilled, shocked, speechless. I was the happiest little girl in the world.

I still remember it clear as day and it must have been circa 1965/66. Had I bought it myself I wouldn’t even remember it now. Why not do something similar for your daughter, this is a life long memory that at 62 now still fills me with love for my mum.

This thread is bizarre. 6 year olds cleaning bathroom basins?! With the spray chemicals or just water?

To be honest I would probably just buy the doll if it was affordable.
If there had been any tantrums over it or behaviour was generally bad I wouldn't though

I do think you need to look at how much pocket money she’s getting. At £2 a week, she’d have to wait three weeks just to buy her a magazine 😳

Mine love doing this they have a kids cleaning set I just fill the spray bottle with fragrance free shower gel and water and they use a little cloth they think it’s fun !

Yes OP - it's important to stand your ground here.

A lot of childhood is small lessons in dealing with the minor discomforts of life.

It's uncomfortable to really want something and not be able to have it. To children, that is a new emotion, and it's even harder for them to deal with it.

As a parent you just have to guide her and help her to get a handle on these small discomforts of life. This is the way it is and we have to be resilient.

If you cave in and buy it for her, you aren't helping her to develop resilience and ways to cope with these feelings which will come up time and time again.

😂Have to agree with the Victorian workhorse comment.

I have a begin Jan born child and a late June born child. The June born child would receive two gifts spaced out perfectly twice a year. My Jan born child had to wait a full year to receive his gifts, then both came at once (well a few days between).

I did tend to buy him something during the year as a younger child. He has not become a spoilt brat because of this, nor did he not learn the value of money.

I think you have to look at each situation as it comes up. No one can tell you what to do with your dd OP. There are many times my dc didn't just get things they wanted. But at times they did. It was dependent on a lot of things at the time.

Sod the biscuits Nanny Mcphee, you deserve a 2 tier cake. Come and have a crack at my 11 year old. He thinks taking a shower is for my benefit 🙄

m, I totally get the not just giving her the money. My kids get pocket money and know that's that. However, we do reward saving, as it's something we want to encourage, so if they save hard, we will often give them 'interest' when they get close to reward their efforts.

Personally, I also reward for going above and beyond round the house. I know he is slightly older, but our 11 year old de-weeded our brick path last weekend. It took him a few hours, and we knew it would have taken a gardener an hour or two, so we paid him. Could she weed a small border or something that wouldn't normally be asked?

@Laundryliar - my teens are not like this at all and I would have bought my DD ‘the bloody doll’!

I'd find her some extra jobs to do for cash and then lend or gift her the final £10/£15.

Same!

And when she's saved up she can go back to being badly behaved?