Splurge on nursery or save for later??

[Sundaysunshine21]

Baby will need to go to nursery full time 7am-7pm from 9 months. Would love for this to be different, but the mortgage won’t pay itself.

Viewed lots of nurseries, only really liked one. Unfortunately, the preferred nursery is very expensive. There is a difference of c.£500 per month between it and the second choice.

Could just about afford the preferred nursery, but it would be a stretch. Fees will increase annually.

Are early years so vital, and baby will spend so much time there, that it’s worth paying extra for the nursery? Should the money be saved in case baby needs tutoring/has additional needs/takes up an expensive hobbit etc. later on?

Really stuck, any thoughts welcome!

Personally would go for the one you think best suited for your child. It's such a critical time for them. You can mess up later and it won't be as bad.

Mind you expensive doesn't always mean good. Look out for staff turnover.

Pick the very best nursery you can afford. Do your research and get the best for your baby.

I would really avoid sending a baby to 60 hours of nursery. If you have money available then a nanny or childminder would be better.
But definitely spend the money on the best care you can now.

With an extra £500pm I'd drop some hours at work so that my baby was in nursery less.

Sorry to say this but 12 hrs of nursery 5 days a week sounds pretty horrendous for a 9 month old, whatever the nursery is like.

Poor kid.

Get a nanny or drop your hours.

I would think about why you like it and make a list of pros and cons of each.

I had a good vibe about the nursery ds goes to. They were super on the ball with lots of things, I really liked the equipment they had and how they were managing it when we were in, and that the children were all happy and friendly and I had a good feeling about the staff. It was actually the second least expensive we viewed. Issues I had with others were not following their own procedures re: nappy change, endless amounts of toys over the floor to the point children were falling, poorly maintained equipment, and just an off vibe from managers. So if you take the cost out of it and weigh things up. Are there any more you could view?

£500 is a lot in a month, I'd weigh up things like the impact on your time as a family at the weekend - will you still be able to go and do nice things together. If costs rise can you afford to keep your child there? Will you still be able to put money into savings if they go there? If you're planning another child will you need to change?

I'd go for the place you have the best gut feeling about, but not at the expense of being able to save and pay bills and be able to do nice things together as a family. Its also worth considering that if you did go with your second favourite and you still weren't happy you could always move them.

So would I, but unfortunately there are very few childminders where I live (house prices price them out). Have looked into nannies and definitely couldn’t afford one, and nanny shares seem to be hard to come by.

And also wow at the comments - some people aren't comfortable using childminders or nannies. And many, many parents don't have the option of dropping hours or coming out of work. Ds has been in nursery 10hrs a day 5 days a week since 10 months op, he settled in quickly and he LOVES it. He loves the staff and he's learnt so much. I personally prefer the idea that a number of people are watching him with safeguarding measures in place rather than one person.

If it's a good nursery with low turnover then it can be a wonderful environment. I sent my DC to a nursery from 10 months. The key workers are like extended family and my 9 year old still goes in to say hello and they all love her. We don't have grandparents or any family nearby and the nursery staff really have been our 'village'.

My friends who refused nursery because they imagined some prison cell of crying babies opted for childminders and nannies and have had to switch multiple times because of various issues that have never been a problem at nursery (too much screen time, diet, lack of outside time etc)

Thank you, I feel so guilty already. I would love to have a job and financial situation where I could just ‘drop’ hours.

The more expensive nursery ticks all the boxes - low turnover, pays staff a living wage so they seemed a little older and more experienced, kids seemed happy and engaged. It’s small so has a higher staff/child ratio. I just got a good gut feeling. It didn’t have the fanciest toys/best outside space out of the ones I viewed. I viewed one that was more expensive and really didn’t like it.

I don't think you can scrimp with childcare. Returning to work is hard but slightly easier if you know if your child is in the best setting you can find.

I returned to work at 3 months and left both of my sons with wonderful women who I will be forever grateful to.

Honestly, you aren’t going to get this time back. Ever. In a few years you may be comfortable, but you’ll have lost that precious and developmentally crucial time.

Put your child first. That’s why you had them, isn’t it?

12 hours a day, 5 days a week is awful for any nursery child, even when they’re older (as research shows us it is more beneficial for baby to be at home with mum before the age of 2), but for a 9 month old it’s just inappropriate and developmentally problematic.

Don't feel guilty. I don't need to work financially but I do work full time because I want to! I don't feel guilty. My DC loved nursery and they got to do so much stuff I'd never have done with them.

OP have you looked at the cost of a nanny and/or tried to find a nanny share?

I agree with pps that that is a really really long day for a small baby.

The people I know who used nurseries 5 days a week were more like 8-5 or 8.30-6. Your baby should be aiming to sleep 7-7 so when will you actually spend time with them?

We had a nanny for our baby and 5 years later she is still with us. She’s had 2 days off sick in all that time compared to the hundreds of sick days that dc1 and 2 have had - nursery exclude for 48 hours at every fever, infection, vomiting episode - and they catch everything at the beginning, so the disruption is massive.

It also means you don’t need to do drop off or pick up which should enable you to reduce the hours a bit? Plus your baby will have 1-1 care in the security of their home environment, not having to nap, eat, have their nappy changed on someone else’s schedule.

If you can afford an extra £500 on the fees I’d urge you to consider other options.

What about an Au pair? Cheaper than a nanny I suspect

Au pairs can’t care for babies.

Yup, pay it. You can't put a price on feeling comfortable and confident in your nursery. These people are looking after your precious baby, you need to trust them and be happy to leave her there or it will be torture.

I am really really hoping that it will be closer to 9-6:30, 8-5:30 etc on average, but I need the 7-7 option as my hours are unpredictable and unfortunately sometimes it will be 7-7.

I’ve looked into the nanny option and definitely couldn’t afford it. I’m really struggling to find nanny shares, they seem very hard to come by in reality.

I completely agree and think about this constantly. But sadly I am not hoarding away thousands to retire early, I need to work to cover my mortgage, put food on the table, pay my bills. I can’t see what job I could do that would allow all that while working part time - let me know if you have a suggestion.

Thank you! I wish my job was more flexible but I’d like to work, I don’t want baby growing up thinking that a woman should only stay at home (that was drilled into me growing up and I’ve worked hard to get rid of all the internalised
misogyny).

How much is the nursery per month?

Another option if you can’t find a nanny share is a nanny with her own child, which can be absolutely amazing and is 25-30% cheaper than normal nanny costs. We did this too and happy to chat more if you have any qs.

Goes without saying but if your hours are unpredictable then a nursery is not a good option.

There is really a lot of middle ground between working such that your 9 month old is in nursery 60hrs a week and “only staying at home” though. Do you have a partner?

I work full time and long hours and I’m the main breadwinner, so I get it, but DH went down to 4 days and we had a nanny as I’ve said. I would honestly have quit my job and retrained to something more family friendly and/or relocated closer to family or something rather than have put a 9 month in a 60hr a week nursery. It really is a lot OP. Even in London where I am I don’t know anyone who has done this.

My first baby was sleeping 7pm-7am by 9months old. They will only really see you at the weekend, so spend more waking hours in childcare that with a parent.

Does you baby have a dad on the scene? Usually one parent will drop off and one will pick up to avoid them having to be in nursery for such long hours.

Why can't you use that extra £500 for you or your partner to reduce down by even half a day? Things can't be that tight for money if you're thinking about dropping an extra £500 on childcare every month. That's £6k a year!