Splurge on nursery or save for later??

[Sundaysunshine21]

Baby will need to go to nursery full time 7am-7pm from 9 months. Would love for this to be different, but the mortgage won’t pay itself.

Viewed lots of nurseries, only really liked one. Unfortunately, the preferred nursery is very expensive. There is a difference of c.£500 per month between it and the second choice.

Could just about afford the preferred nursery, but it would be a stretch. Fees will increase annually.

Are early years so vital, and baby will spend so much time there, that it’s worth paying extra for the nursery? Should the money be saved in case baby needs tutoring/has additional needs/takes up an expensive hobbit etc. later on?

Really stuck, any thoughts welcome!

Clearly not otherwise OP would have done that.

Honestly

There's some real nasty comments on this thread.

Why are people so horrible? She didn’t ask for your opinions on sending her child to nursery full time and this is not AIBU. Have a day off from being total bitches honestly. Just horrible.

Look at the sickness policy for both and work out what you are going to do when DC is unwell. You can end up paying for weeks when DC can't attend.

I would go for better nursery

However, you and partner should really look at costs. Often with the costs of childcare, plus other factors like commute costs, higher tax brackets, time saved and benefits of being able to be with child more you actually barely loose any money moving down to a 4 day week. If you (and partner) could move down to 4 day weeks, you would only need 3 days of childcare which is a much better balance.

On the days child isn’t at childcare also at parent at home whoever is going into work can also opt at doing a longer day then as more flexible with early start and late finish, to make sure they can finish early enough the other 3 days for nursery

ie Mon, tues, wed you drop 8am and work 9-5pm collect by 5.30pm (8hr day). If thurs partner has child then you work 7am-7pm that day (12hr long shift)- that’s still a 36hr week which is basically full time still. And you have Friday free

I think for a child that's going full time, I'd pay the extra. You want a parent substitute. Have you figured out what you're going to do when DC gets alll the nursery bugs in the first year? What's their sickness policy? Some send home at the drop of a hat, a smaller setting is also good to reduce likelihood of being ill so much.

This is what I was going to say, even dropping half a day at work would barely affect your take home. Do you have the option for compressed hours, DH and I both do this so we each have a day off in the week with baby.

If you can afford the huge amount 7-7 care would be including the potential extra £500 a month on top of that then you can afford to drop hours and saying the mortgage won’t pay itself is disingenuous.

as others have suggested work flexibly. I dropped only 4 hours which allowed me to compress the remaining hours into 4 longer days but dad did drop off at 8.30 and as I’d started work at 7am I could pick up at 4 and I didn’t work Fridays.

it really does need to be your priority. Have you looked where you could save money ie going to interest only on the mortgage for the nursery years?

you have to be comfortable with the fact you won’t be the primary carer someone else will be and your child’s early memories will be with them.

thenknly family I know who have done what you proposed had a child who constantly was clingy and whinged all weekend as they were both very tired but wanted mum as they hadn’t seen them all week but at the same time cried for the childcare staff.

be careful of the world you create for them

Personally then I'd spend the extra money on a nanny/nanny with their own child for the first 6/9/12 months (whatever you can stretch to) and then the cheaper nursery when they're nearer 2.

Are early years really that important ? Are you serious. 7am to 7pm !! Have a think.

I would go with my gut and choose the Nursery which I liked the best and felt most comfortable with. Your little one is going to be spending a significant portion of their life there and it’s important that you feel confident with your choice.

Is the higher cost swaying you towards thinking it will be a”better” nursery? This won’t necessarily be true. Think about what your priorities are for your child’s experience and go with the nursery that meets those.
for me as a parent and a nursery manager, kind experienced, patient, consistent and caring staff would be a much higher priority than flashy equipment and building etc. work out what’s important to you for your child and go from there.

Because people feel incredibly sad that a baby gets put Into a nursery 12 hrs a day 5 days a week from 9 months. I think people are wondering why this person has had a child atall.

I had to send my child to nursery for 5 full days. He’s fine. Loves nursery. Solid bond with parents. Managed to compress my hours later so I have an extra week day with him now, but didn’t have a choice whether or not to do it as no family nearby and could’t quit my job as the bills don’t care how many hours I work. Couldn’t move at the time as that would have meant no job. PLENTY of people have kids in full time nursery. This doesn’t make them bad parents or mean the kids will suffer. Many people don’t have the village to help raise their kids and don’t have the luxury of being able to drop days or hours. Most people don’t earn enough to afford a nanny (we certainly can’t afford one and our household income is over 100k! Be realistic!)

Do what you need to do without guilt x

The OP wasn’t asking for comments on her situation. It’s lovely that so many people on here have the option to reduce their hours / not work. But that’s not the reality for many. I’m with @Parker231 on this. Flexible working not an option, not working not an option, new jobs hard to come by. Our nursery is only open 730-1730, sometimes I use the lot, more often than not I drop off later collect earlier. My youngest was 9mo when he started he’s fine.

I placed an ad looking for a childminder and as a result of that was approached by a family nearby who were looking for a nanny share. I also received a response from a childminder who lived a few doors away.

You live In an expensive area. You have a high paying job. There is always options and you know there are. If you want to bring your child up it is possible but there will be sacrifices. House. car holidays luxuries. There you go. It's possible. You don't want to do it. Extremely sad for your 9 month old.

Yeah sorry OP, but this is crazy

God you posters are cruel fuckers.

Does it make you feel good to put someone down ? Feel righteous now do you?

DT’s are now in their early 20’s and went to full time nursery from six months old - most of their classmates did the same. Many careers don’t accommodate reduced hours or part time working.

DT’s didn’t become clingy or unhappy children. Nursery was fun as was after school club when they were older.
As DT’s are now grown up I’ve the advantage of seeing that the decisions we made worked and we now have happy, healthy and successful young adults, who although they both now live in a different continent than DH and I, still contact us every day and we have a secure bonded relationship.

I know lots of people who have their kids in for this length of time and I live in the London commuter belt. This is because it is 1.5 hours in and 1.5 hours out so 3 hours commute a day. Even leaving at 4pm, you still don't get to pick up until 5.30/6pm depending on trains! Likewise dropping off at 8am you don't get in until 9.30/10. So we juggle pick ups and drop offs between us so each can work sensible hours. Why do it? Because the salaries are 10x what they are in the local area and the sort of city jobs don't exist around here. To afford a decent house in the area and a normal lifestyle with some nice things like holidays (not even fancy ones abroad!) you need to be on that kind of salary. This is how people get trapped in the rat run. Most people can't just give it all up to look after the kids or afford a nanny unless they are on stockbroker level salaries.

OP clearly earns well though as can afford £500 extra per month.

She hasn't said whether she's looked at reducing her work days or compressing hours...

@Sundaysunshine21 just also to counteract the unsolicited negative/judgemental comments, I have gone back to full time work after 6 months with 2 of my babies and 12 weeks with the third (granted that was DH taking the reigns with looking after that one) but my kids haven’t suffered or been some how damaged by nursery. Not everyone is in the position to not work or work less (I am the breadwinner and we cannot manage on my husbands civil service wage). I would echo the suggestions about listing the pros and cons of each place. Can you ask around to find some people who use both and garner their feedback? The nursery we use the woman who runs it is a bit of a nightmare (invoicing needs to be scrutinised!) but the girls who work there are amazing and that more than makes up for the shoddy admin

Do you really think someone in her position won't have thought of that?

It's not neglect.