Splurge on nursery or save for later??

[Sundaysunshine21]

Baby will need to go to nursery full time 7am-7pm from 9 months. Would love for this to be different, but the mortgage won’t pay itself.

Viewed lots of nurseries, only really liked one. Unfortunately, the preferred nursery is very expensive. There is a difference of c.£500 per month between it and the second choice.

Could just about afford the preferred nursery, but it would be a stretch. Fees will increase annually.

Are early years so vital, and baby will spend so much time there, that it’s worth paying extra for the nursery? Should the money be saved in case baby needs tutoring/has additional needs/takes up an expensive hobbit etc. later on?

Really stuck, any thoughts welcome!

I would be looking for another job and get your partner to look to.
Having children means making sacrifices for them (not just you your partner too)
You will just see them at the weekend.

I've no idea.

Some people don't, and just assume they have to carry on regardless.

OP, I would encourage you to think again. Not because of judgement (although yes, it is too much) but because the posters who say explore your options are right. Of course not everyone has a job that can be flexible, but employment law and rights are there for a reason. It is similarly a bad idea to dismiss trying to rearrange your hours or working conditions out of hand.

I spent the first three years of our kids lives run ragged trying to manage employment around their needs, while my husband always just said 'no, they won't do it' whenever we talked about him working flexibly. What it came down to was that he wasn't prepared to fight for it.

When I eventually told him to get his act together, it took a few weeks, he was shifted to another (female) manager and a job he didn't think he would enjoy, and actually he loves it and is a better colleague and parent.

If you have really considered and investigated every other option, then fine, do what you have to do. But sometimes that means pushing harder than you would expect in those baby days, so that you have a set up that gives you a chance to thrive together.

Moving house costs a lot of money, it will take a lot of time to recoup the spend by way of savings, moving away from a place of work increases commuting time (time the baby needs to be in childcare) and no it is NOT neglect to put your child into childcare 12 hours a day so that you can work and pay your own bills

People are saying this because full time nursery is probably costing close to 1500 a month. Add the extra 500 and that's 2k. If you are making such a high salary that you can afford full time nursery and still need your job to pay the bills there must be an alternative?

I absolutely don't have an issue with a baby needing to be in nursery but I wondered if you're a single parent OP? There's a lot of talk about you and your working hours and job. Do you have a husband/ partner who can support with this? Maybe compress hours so could have the baby home one day a week or something or at least support with drop offs and pick ups.

I am assuming you're single as it does read like you're doing all this yourself.

Not all jobs accomodate part time working.

OP I was in this position where my favoured nursery is £500 more per month and given I’ll be using it full time, I went for it. Not that necessarily more expensive is better, but in this case it made a good impression on me and the environment and care seemed better.

I am a nursery manager. My own DS was in nursery from 6 months and did full time 7:30-6 some weeks. I have cared for children as young as 6 weeks at nursery.

It's shit but parents have to do it. The comments about it not being good for the baby to be in nursery so long are so unhelpful. Mum guilt is bad enough and I'm sure most parents would love the opportunity to spend more time at home with their baby and would do so if they could.

I'd go for the nursery you feel comfortable with. My setting is actually the cheapest in our area and we have had a few children added to our waiting list from the most expensive one in the area due to their staff turnover.

It's really hard finding somewhere that you completely trust but I'm sure you'll choose the best place for your baby and that you'll be making the most of your weekends together.

I would go with which ever nursery makes you feel more comfortable. We saw two when we moved one that was more expensive but the whole setting just felt unloved. Paint work was damaged, there were broken toys and cleaning products in the room. The other nursery was a new build designed to be a nursery and it looked much more homely. We chose this one and my daughter has been so happy here. We needed nursery availability immediately which the first nursery could offer and the other had a 6-8 week wait. The first nursery closed 6 months later. I don't know the details but there was complaint to Ofsted in the months before it closed.

My daughter started 2 days a week at 9 months whilst I was still on mat leave and she never really settled. By the end of the first week at full time she was so much happier to go to nursery and was more settled. Ultimately I dropped to 4 days a week because my mental health couldn't cope with full time working anymore. So we have a day off together, for this has been fairly cost neutral with the cost of nursery and having to be in the office and extra day we are about £50-100 a month worse off because I'm not working full time but my mental health is so much improved and I struggle on the odd week where I have to work my nonworking week. Prior to having my daughter I had always been able to muddle along and keep at full time despite my mental illness but I had treatment resistant depression and ended up in a mother and baby unit which took a long time to recover from. I now have to be even more proactive in managing my mental health than I ever have been before.

I’ve worked out that working five days and paying nursery costs means I end up with less money overall than working compressed hours - 4.5 days in four days, and only paying for four days of nursery. I’m actually better off every month by working fewer hours!

I only thought of doing the sums after seeing a post on here so maybe something to think about?

@Butterflies878 it’s not horrible to suggest to the OP that there might be other, better options out there, and to ask her if she really has explored all possibilities before going down this route.

I don’t think anyone would really think that putting a 9 month in nursery for all of their waking hours 5 days a week is an ideal situation, so if there are other possibilities OP hasn’t thought of or properly pursued it is worth checking.

OP has said a few times that “nanny shares are hard to come by” but hasn’t said what steps if any she has actually taken. Eg has she advertised? We found our first nanny share because someone posted on a local baby group WhatsApp and then it got shared to another group we were on. We hadn’t decided what we were doing for childcare and seeing the message made us decide to go for it. It worked really well for us and we ended up keeping our nanny just for us when we had our second child and as I posted earlier she’s been with us for 5 years now. The nanny share was actually cheaper than nursery.

It's shit but parents have to do it. No they don't. They don't want to downsize their life. Be honest

Does it really make more financial sense for both you and your partner to work full time and pay for 60 hours childcare a week? You must be spending a fortune on childcare? I would certainly look at all other options before choosing that one, you are going to be absolutely run ragged!

Sorry haven't RTFT, probably repeating what everyone has said.

I wouldn't pay extra for flashy facilities, stylish decor or external teachers coming in to do yoga (or whatever). I would pay extra for a nursery with low staff turnover and a sense that the staff do genuinely care. I knew our nursery was the one for us when the owner knew all the children's names when she was showing us around, helped the staff in the rooms as she spoke to me, and when one of the women in the baby room scooped DD out of my arms. She went on to become a good friend.

BUT, if the £500 is a stretch I wouldn't, especially if there's any chance you'll have another baby and need to pay for two. Fees will increase, and can increase sharply. We're now paying more in childcare for one in FT nursery and one in after schools for three days than we were for two in FT nursery.

I'd suggest going with the nursery you feel most comfortable with, even if it's more expensive, so long as you can afford it (considering fee increases too).

And don't feel guilty. Lots of people need to work 5 days and need nurseries that have options for early starts and/or late finishes.

I went back to work when DC was 8 months old and they have thrived at nursery.

Most of us live where it’s convenient to get to work or local to our families. Downsizing is expensive and the opposite to what you need when you’ve had a baby.

When we had DT’s it was suggested to us to get a nanny but didn’t work for us as they take holidays when it might not be when we wanted to be off work and we wanted a nursery environment.

You’re the employer so you can dictate holiday entitlement in the contract. Most employers give the nanny some choice provided they give enough notice.

I’m always interested in why people would choose a nursery environment over their own home environment for their small babies. It seems so counterintuitive to me.

You’d never see an actually wealthy person using a nursery. People talk themselves into whatever they choose and I’m not saying nursery is bad, but it’s not the best option.

@KittyPup incredible that you know my child better than me from one post on an internet forum. Genuinely amazing.

My son settled in really well and very quickly, he was very happy and excited to see the staff every morning, slept and ate well and was very content. He would get very excited in the mornings when he saw where he was. So yes, I do feel that he did love it from early on. He is excited to go in every morning and has a good relationship with all the staff who are fabulous. He shouts yay in the car park when we arrive. But then you aren't there to see any of that are you.

Not all jobs offer the luxury of being able to drop a day or reduce hours.

DH and I are both high earners but wanted a nursery for DT’s. They went there from 6 months until starting school. The consistency of low staff turnover, local to DH’s work and excellent well qualified staff has been successful.

I am flabbergasted by the meanness of some comments.
My son went to nursery (albeit for shorter days) and genuinely had a great time there partly because he could do stuff that he could not do at home (i.e. messy play).
People don't send their kid to nursery because they refuse to downsize their lives or because they don't prioritise their child's wellbeing.
People are being so judgmental, it's surreal.

We were just saying the other day that we would have chosen nursery for ours even if a nanny was possible. Ours were happy and settled at nursery as babies and then hugely benefited from the social side from about 2.

This, with bells on.

I'm not what you'd consider 'actually wealthy', but we could have afforded nanny or childminder options - we chose our current nursery for several reasons. Some related to the opportunities it affords DC in terms of socialising, extra-'curricular' activities and resources, etc, which are all to a higher level than would be easily available via the local childminding and nannying services. Some related to our own views on safety and accountability in childcare settings, given our professional experiences of picking up the pieces in non-accidental injury / abuse / lack of competence cases - DC's nursery has an excellent reputation and excellent safety protocols. The staff at DC's nursery demonstrated a good level of understanding of how to manage DC's healthcare needs without preventing them from being active and adventurous, and they weren't phased by discussions of security processes, which seemed a bit daunting to the local childminding and nannying services. Also, we weren't keen on effective strangers having access to our house and its contents.

Just because he had a great time that doesn’t mean it was the best thing for him developmentally. I’m sure he’d have a great time gorging on chocolate but that isn’t the best thing for him, is it?

Research shows us it is more beneficial to be with a parent at home before the age of 2; there is no better place for such a young child than with their parent, and there are plenty of negatives later in life for them going to childcare too early, especially for prolonged periods.