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Original poster

What would you do if you found out your son is beating his girlfriend?

233 replies

Pinkflowersxo · 03/07/2024 12:20

If you found out your 30 year old son has been battering the mother of his kids for over 9 years, you witnessed his rage to her before and know he’s beat her I front of their young children to the extreme of strangling her. To know he grabbed the steering wheel whilst she was driving over 80 miles ph on the motorway and jerked jt side to side repeatedly to make her stop and punch the chair she’s sitting in over and over What would you do ?

bare in mind she knows he refuses anger management / counselling as he doesn’t think he needs it.

Asking because when I told his mother she said “I don’t think he was trying to kill you as that would have meant killing you both “ she did also say it’s bad and unacceptable.

just to add I have left , moved to a new address , and reported him to the police 3 days ago.

I am just wondering if my feelings of anger towards her for thanking me for not reporting all the times I could have were valid or if that’s just a “mothers love”

OP posts:
AirportObs · 03/07/2024 12:22

Have you left him OP? If I was the mother I would call the police and call social services help you leave him.

AirportObs · 03/07/2024 12:22

You need to get away.

AirportObs · 03/07/2024 12:22

The mother is the last of your issues.

mindutopia · 03/07/2024 12:24

I’d report him to the police and offer her all the support I could to get away from him.

Unfortunately, not all mums/grandmothers are decent people. My own mum isn’t and wouldn’t do much of anything in that situation either other than probably spreading some nasty rumour about everyone involved.

Original poster
Pinkflowersxo · 03/07/2024 12:24

Pinkflowersxo · 03/07/2024 12:20

If you found out your 30 year old son has been battering the mother of his kids for over 9 years, you witnessed his rage to her before and know he’s beat her I front of their young children to the extreme of strangling her. To know he grabbed the steering wheel whilst she was driving over 80 miles ph on the motorway and jerked jt side to side repeatedly to make her stop and punch the chair she’s sitting in over and over What would you do ?

bare in mind she knows he refuses anger management / counselling as he doesn’t think he needs it.

Asking because when I told his mother she said “I don’t think he was trying to kill you as that would have meant killing you both “ she did also say it’s bad and unacceptable.

just to add I have left , moved to a new address , and reported him to the police 3 days ago.

I am just wondering if my feelings of anger towards her for thanking me for not reporting all the times I could have were valid or if that’s just a “mothers love”

Sorry I forgot to add I have left 4 months ago and reported him 3 days. I will support a prosecution.

OP posts:
Juststopit · 03/07/2024 12:24

You need to leave. It doesn’t matter what his mother or anyone says. You need to leave.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 03/07/2024 12:26

It doesn't matter what I would think because I am not his mother.

His mother has chosen her son.

You must choose yourself and your children.

FetchezLaVache · 03/07/2024 12:27

Well done for getting away and getting this piece of shit prosecuted, OP. You're amazing. His mother's response perhaps explains a lot but fuck them both - you must concentrate on yourself and your beautiful children from now on. Break the cycle. Flowers

Okayornot · 03/07/2024 12:27

Personally? I would help the girlfriend and the children leave and support them into the future, I would cut contact with my son and if the girlfriend would allow it I would speak to the police with her.

That said, I imagine it must be quite shocking to realise that the little boy you cherished and loved has grown up to be a scum bag.

purplecorkheart · 03/07/2024 12:31

I am so glad that you have left and that you have reported it. Stay strong. Honestly, I would not focus on her and her reactions tbh. She may have also been in an abusive relationship and that her son's actions is normal behaviour to her. Focus on yourself and your children and keep these awful people out of your new life.

Knea · 03/07/2024 12:31

I would cut off my son and move them into my home until they found somewhere to live. Your partner is an awful abuser and his mother minimising it won’t help you, but you’ve moved out now, stay strong, go through the freedom program and don’t ever go back.

immaculatecollection · 03/07/2024 12:31

My advice to you is get out of this situation as fast as you can. You have children involved and hes doing this in front of your kids. He is not someone that can be reasoned with and is in complete denial. Your children and you deserve better than this and the long term effects of children witnessing it happening is going to create all sorts of problems for them throughout their life. Its honestly so important to not wait for his mum to essentially discipline or correct him for this behaviour. He's like this probably because of his upbringing so do not look to her to fix this. The fact she doesnt say or do anything is proof she's a dead end. I hope you can get the help you and your kids need.

Original poster
Pinkflowersxo · 03/07/2024 12:35

Sorry I forgot to add to the thread that she knew as it was happening from 9 years ago. I told her it was happening as it happened. She told me to leave but I was never strong enough to leave. She would then blame me for not leaving.

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 03/07/2024 12:35

immaculatecollection · 03/07/2024 12:31

My advice to you is get out of this situation as fast as you can. You have children involved and hes doing this in front of your kids. He is not someone that can be reasoned with and is in complete denial. Your children and you deserve better than this and the long term effects of children witnessing it happening is going to create all sorts of problems for them throughout their life. Its honestly so important to not wait for his mum to essentially discipline or correct him for this behaviour. He's like this probably because of his upbringing so do not look to her to fix this. The fact she doesnt say or do anything is proof she's a dead end. I hope you can get the help you and your kids need.

She has got out. She has said so twice.

Well done OP. His mother is as bad as he is. Cut all contact with her.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 03/07/2024 12:40

Okayornot · 03/07/2024 12:27

Personally? I would help the girlfriend and the children leave and support them into the future, I would cut contact with my son and if the girlfriend would allow it I would speak to the police with her.

That said, I imagine it must be quite shocking to realise that the little boy you cherished and loved has grown up to be a scum bag.

I highly doubt whether mothers who would react in that way would ever have raised a son like this in the first place.

Againlosinghope · 03/07/2024 12:42

It is her son at the end of the day. She told you to leave him back at the start so I don't think she agreed with his actions, but at the same time it's her son

NDmumoftwo · 03/07/2024 12:44

I'm
Glad you left, they both sound awful

Againlosinghope · 03/07/2024 12:46

Glad you are now out of the dangerous situation and have got police involved.
I honestly don't know what I would do if it was my child responsible for violence against a partner. I would try and support partner is getting away and child in getting support to manage anger. But if the partner can't leave and the child refuses to get help it is quite limited what you can do. I had a friend who reported spouse for DV a couple of times. Police would come take spouse away for the night and then friend would choose not to press charges. So even if you contact police about DV if the spouse won't press charges or get away from partner there is very little the police can do and the risk is the both stop contact with the person who reported it

Original poster
Pinkflowersxo · 03/07/2024 12:47

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 03/07/2024 12:40

I highly doubt whether mothers who would react in that way would ever have raised a son like this in the first place.

Show quote history

Wow I guess that’s exactly it. I guess anyone who raised their son right would find it hard to imagine this. Very true, thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkflowersxo · 03/07/2024 12:48

Againlosinghope · 03/07/2024 12:46

Glad you are now out of the dangerous situation and have got police involved.
I honestly don't know what I would do if it was my child responsible for violence against a partner. I would try and support partner is getting away and child in getting support to manage anger. But if the partner can't leave and the child refuses to get help it is quite limited what you can do. I had a friend who reported spouse for DV a couple of times. Police would come take spouse away for the night and then friend would choose not to press charges. So even if you contact police about DV if the spouse won't press charges or get away from partner there is very little the police can do and the risk is the both stop contact with the person who reported it

Thank you for your reply. He went in to upload a video of us having sex to a swinging website without my consent which she also knows about. I’m just wondering yes it’s her son but would you not push the woman to report to the police and assure her you will still be there for her if she did. She told me gets it if I report to the police but then thanked me for not reporting him

OP posts:
TulipsAndZombies · 03/07/2024 12:49

Id have battered him myself and supported her to do what she needed to do.

so sorry OP

AmelieTaylor · 03/07/2024 12:49

AirportObs · 03/07/2024 12:22

Have you left him OP? If I was the mother I would call the police and call social services help you leave him.

@AirportObs

The Op isn't long or confusing. Try actually reading it, next time BEFORE spouting off!

IBegYourBiggestPardon · 03/07/2024 12:49

Is this the same woman who also thanked you for not going to the police at the time?

Theweepywillow · 03/07/2024 12:49

I think this is complex and your blame misplaced. It is very easy for us all to say what we would do, which is report and support, no one will say different, but your anger should be directed at him, he’s to blame not his mum, and also focus on understanding why you took it for 9 years.

im glad you got away, but he’s the problem, not her, and you in the impact it had on you so you stayed and took it

Original poster
Pinkflowersxo · 03/07/2024 12:50

Againlosinghope · 03/07/2024 12:42

It is her son at the end of the day. She told you to leave him back at the start so I don't think she agreed with his actions, but at the same time it's her son

I don’t think she agreed with his actions no. But I wonder if it were my son and I saw him repeatedly doing this to his partner I would push her to report him instead of thanking her for not ? X

OP posts: