What would you do if you found out your son is beating his girlfriend?

[Pinkflowersxo]

If you found out your 30 year old son has been battering the mother of his kids for over 9 years, you witnessed his rage to her before and know he’s beat her I front of their young children to the extreme of strangling her. To know he grabbed the steering wheel whilst she was driving over 80 miles ph on the motorway and jerked jt side to side repeatedly to make her stop and punch the chair she’s sitting in over and over What would you do ?

bare in mind she knows he refuses anger management / counselling as he doesn’t think he needs it.

Asking because when I told his mother she said “I don’t think he was trying to kill you as that would have meant killing you both “ she did also say it’s bad and unacceptable.

just to add I have left , moved to a new address , and reported him to the police 3 days ago.

I am just wondering if my feelings of anger towards her for thanking me for not reporting all the times I could have were valid or if that’s just a “mothers love”

You have good insight and now you are free I'm sure you will go from strength to strength.

Hi everyone. Update he’s been arrested. The police have asked his mum if she knows of any abuse that’s happened in our relationship and she said no. I am really heart broken by this. She is the only person who knows what he did to me the entire time, she put the below message:

“, be honest, would your mum make a statement against your brothers, her own sons, to the police?
You know how people of colour are treated in the judicial system, don’t be naive, this is a serious allegation you’ve made against t to involve the police! Why would you expect me to speak to the police?
You should know me by now, you know I love our girls soo much and would never put them in danger!
Why can’t you ask t to sign that if anything ever happened to you, your parents can be their guardians if they’re still minors?
If that is your real concern.
How can you be soo angry with me, I love and respect you and have always tried to support you in anyway possible!
I miss the relationship we had and now you expect me not to be a mother and deny my instincts to protect my family.
It’s all very sad from where I’m coming from and what I’m seeing…”

I honestly feel heart broken 😔 it took so much for me to finally report and to know that she’d lie to them has really shocked me

Op, she’s his mother, I’m sorry but she is and she’s not yours, please stop focusing on her so much, she was never going to act to put her son in jail. No matter how badly she thinks of him.

OP I wrote up thread about how far mothers will go to protect their children.

Even though you had a lot of replies off strangers on the internet saying they would report to the police - in reality very little would.

She is never going to put her son in prison and it’s unrealistic to expect her to stand up in court and be a main witness against her child.

Move your focus away from her. She didn’t abuse you he did. She is not your mother she is his. Withdraw contact and build a new support circle.

If you have messages or any evidence that she knows then please take screen shots and send them yk tbe police. She is currently aiding and abetting and withholding evidence. If she isn't careful she could end up in trouble too. I sugest sending her a couple of messages to see if you can get some more evidence to add!

Do remember her loyalty is with him but it doesn't mean yoi can make it easy for her!

I think I'd bring the daughter in law and kids to live with me an disown my son. I cannot abide by abusive men. I think I'd be so ashamed of him I'd do everything I could to help the wife and kids.

What if, as is typical in abuse cases, the dil wasn't ready to leave? Pressure from you might cause her to dig in and side with her abuser. You might never see any of them again, including your grand children.

I think you are angry at the wrong person here. She said you should leave, that she’d understand if you reported the violence. It can be really hard to support people who are suffering domestic violence, if you take a strong line on leaving or reporting to police and they choose not to then often you’ll be cut off and the victim will be further isolated.

It’s not an easy line to tread. My ex was abusive although mainly verbal in the beginning and I know I quietly ghosted friends and relatives who would raise concerns because I was ashamed I knew I should leave. That I didn’t was because I’d lost so much of my self respect / self confidence.

I suppose the question is now that you’ve reported him is she on your side/ supportive? If she’s all about him then fuck it she is not your friend. If she is then perhaps she too was muddling through a difficult situation and can be forgiven for missteps in time.