How would you discipline a 5 year old for saying this horrific thing?

[avata]

My mum was looking after my five year old today while I was at work. She had told him he would have an ice cream from the shop next to the park after school, but by the time they had left the park it was fine for dinner so said it was now too late for an ice cream.

He kicked off massively in the shop, falling to the floor and screaming/shouting. He then ran off down the road and another parent went after him, whom he proceeded to also shout at.

He said to mum he hope she's gets run over by a car. She said that is an awful thing to say, particularly to family, he said he hopes she gets abandoned by her family.

I am so unbelievably cross, shocked and upset with him.

I'm not sure how to play this in terms of consequences and discipline?

Promising an icecream to a five year old then reneging is setting them up for a fail

? Spectacularly missing the point

But part of the knocks in life you have to get used to. I’ve had to go back on things with my 4 year because plans change and things happen. She’s been unhappy about it but has never told me to get run over by a car, and I wouldn’t tolerate such remarks.

No doubt then he’s formed the correct opinion that his grandmother is a liar 🤷‍♀️

I assumed the poster was being funny. Hyperbole and whatnot

I'm with @DeadbeatYoda in this: it's totally understandable for a year old to kick off when they don't get a promised ice cream. However the comments of of hoping for her to be run over and abandoned? They are abhorrent!
No 5 year old just "comes up" with those. They are learned.

Ah could have been hyperbole…

They are the worst thing a 5 year old can come up with on the spur of the moment.

Hansel and Gretel has abandonment and shoving in an oven in one story.

I haven't read all the responses, so I'm basing my response on the first three or four I read.

The child needs to be punished because what he said is definitely NOT on. Doesn't matter if he'd been promised Ice-cream or scooby-do heaven. The comparison to pay is outrageous because Ice-cream cream doesn't put food on the table nor provide heating.

If it were me, I would put him in time out. 5 minutes as he is five.

I would explain that when people are angry, they need to use kind words to speak.

Now, if the child was 18 months old, I'd follow the first three or four suggestions given above.

But there was no real reason to go back on the ice cream cone. Nana broke her promise because it was no longer convenient.

He had a long day at school and didn't get the ice cream he had been promised.

Five year olds have a wide vocabulary and big feelings. They don't mean the angry words they say. They haven't developed the social awareness that reminds them we can't blurt out everything that comes into our heads.

Gran needs to get up to speed with five year old behaviour if she's going to be helping out.

In the first place, she needs to stop making promises she can't keep or has no intention of keeping, she needs to keep her expectations realistic, and she needs to avoid taking what the five year old says personally when he's angry, tired, hangry, or disappointed.

If it were me, I would put him in time out. 5 minutes as he is five.

How long does Granny get for lying?

He may well be capable of critical thinking some of the time but was quite clearly not capable of it at that moment. Because he's five. Children are not capable of critical thinking when they are in a highly dysregulated and emotional state; they are quite literally unable at that point to access the part of their brain responsible for critical thinking. You are not demonstrating much understanding of child development here. To him, even as a bright kid, the disappointment and injustice of not being given the ice cream he'd been promised was overwhelming. He was - as is age-appropriate - lashing out in response. That's not to say that you can't use it as a learning opportunity but you need to quit moralising very normal and age-appropriate behaviour. "Horrific" is totally ridiculous.

Nope.

You need to do a little research on normal child development.

Your expectations are wildly off.

Hang on, "he kicked off massively in the shop"? Surely your mum, having promised him an ice cream, then broken that promise and told him he couldn't have an ice cream, didn't still take him into the shop that sells the ice cream? Because that would just be cruel.

Having expectations beyond the capability of a child can evolve into adultification of a child which is v. damaging to their psychological well being.

I don't think what he said should be taken seriously he was promised an ice cream was probably thinking about it and angry and disappointed he didn't get one . He was angry thinking it was unfair and lashing out in the way young children do.
He wouldn't mean what he said just saying anything he thought would hurt

He needs to be told to calm down going forward

Two things to remember-
never expect a child to behave better than an adult
never value an adult’s feelings higher than a child’s.

It surprises me when people expect DC to manage difficult feelings without making mistakes.

Children say the worst thing they can imagine- in this case that granny gets run over and abandoned.

His emotional intelligence is showing with those threats. He could have just said she’s a smelly poo head.
If you like having an intelligent child, get used to challenges. They are good at them, spot inconsistent behaviour and bad logic.

They have big feelings, and little experience of handling them.

I'd be having big words with him about running away. He put himself in danger.

I'd have little words with Granny about her ability to look after a 5 yo and also little words with DS about trying to use nice words when upset.

Nana needs to watch the "promises" episode of Bluey.

He could be the smartest 5.5 year old ever and developmentally he is still ruled mainly by the id and ego and he wanted the treat he was promised. Some incredibly smart and capable adults have trouble managing their disappointment. He’s 5.

@AGlinnerOfHope pretty much that!!

@avata

why do you want to punish him?

hes 5. Regulating their emotions is something they need to learn!

whereas your mother is old enough to a) know not to promise 5 years olds ice cream & not deliver. B) not to take angry outbursts so personally.

Talk to DS, explain Nana made a mistake, leaving the park so late & too close to dinner time for ice cream, but she'd just got carried away & wanted him to have fun.

Remind him what he said wasn't nice & has upset Nana. Do he want to do a drawing for her or something, to say sorry for saying horrible things (give him the space to say NO! He might still be too angry!)

has someone given the kid ice cream yet??

Couldn't agree more. I am in complete shock.

I have a 5YO. He knows very well not to behave like that.

That outburst DOES need punishment,not hot choc and a cuddle fgs.

This thread is a prime example of "gentle parenting" gone wrong. Acknowledging feelings doesn't mean allowing bad behaviour.

Personally I'd draw the line at the cuddles and hot chocolate as I'd worry it might give mixed messages.