How would you discipline a 5 year old for saying this horrific thing?

[avata]

My mum was looking after my five year old today while I was at work. She had told him he would have an ice cream from the shop next to the park after school, but by the time they had left the park it was fine for dinner so said it was now too late for an ice cream.

He kicked off massively in the shop, falling to the floor and screaming/shouting. He then ran off down the road and another parent went after him, whom he proceeded to also shout at.

He said to mum he hope she's gets run over by a car. She said that is an awful thing to say, particularly to family, he said he hopes she gets abandoned by her family.

I am so unbelievably cross, shocked and upset with him.

I'm not sure how to play this in terms of consequences and discipline?

Who said that?

@TheFunHasGone Exactly - not 'evil child' but child who has heard such things in fairy tales and we had a woodburning stove with a very heavy slammy door. At that point it was the horridest thing she could come up with to express her rage, but does not mean she actually had a clue how truly terrible it would be to do it!

And whilst I keep saying 'think about how the child feels and what a child of this age is actually capable of comprehending', that doesn't mean I would suggest he is then showered with all the icecream he can eat and no follow up on what was said/done!

A conversation about how we use our words and what effect they have on people.
Some consequence - probably, apologising to Grandma
Some ownership of mistakes - Grandma shouldn't have promised x and reneged, Grandma also should apologise.
Some guidance on how to behave in future.

You know... parenting, rather than taking vengeance!

Your mum was wrong to break her promise.
Your child said some extreme things because he was extremely upset. He was of course wrong and you should have a chat with him about saying hurtful things.

You insinuated it here: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parenting/5079847-how-would-you-discipline-a-5-year-old-for-saying-this-horrific-thing?reply=135472368

Lies.

My children never spoke to me like this, they wouldn't have ever dared.

Absolutely abhorrent and I'd be sure never to give that kid an ice cream ever again.

What's all this cuddles bs????

No wonder there is a crisis in schools with parents like this!

Kids pick these phrases up, from where I wonder. He shouldn't be punishment, you need to talk with and explain why they were bad things.
I'm not excusing him, but he was upset because a promise was broken.

No wonder there's a crisis in kids mental health with parents like this 🙄

it's right there in black and white.

"Remember my boy, if a woman ever changes her mind about what she previously agreed to, [with a clear implication of withdrawing consent to sex in your use of the term "woman" as opposed to a ungendered term] she's to blame for the natural consequences of you kicking off and doing the worst things you can think of" [implication: rape and violence]

What we actually have is a little child who threw himself to the floor, ran off, and used some unpleasant language because the adult he was with broke a promise. He didn't hit her and the only person he endangered was himself. He can be taught emotional self-regulation and how to respond appropriately to disappointment over time; he's still only five so we shouldn't expect those things at his age. His grandmother, however, has reached adulthood thinking that it's OK to break promises.

Don't put words out there that I didn't use.

Don't try to pretend that your implication wasn't so clear that it could be seen from the International Space Station. At least one other poster has spotted it because they've also commented to that effect, so it's not just a "me" thing.

Do you go there often?

Do you often pretend not to understand subtexts and figures of speech?

Two posters, myself and one other, have commented on your post's subtext. Don't pretend that it's not there and not obvious.

"He didn't understand what he was saying"

THEN MAKE HIN UNDERSTAND, BY TEACHING HIM, USING DISCIPLINE, THAT IT IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.

Today's parents are batshit, I swear. No wonder there's a crisis in schools.

Sincerely a gen X parent.

What did you mean about a woman changing her mind and the man doing the ‘worse things you can think of’ then, if it’s not rape?

....who belives that children are identifying as cheetahs and requiring litter boxes in school......that rattling noise is my eyeballs rolling

Even dog training has evolved beyond this.

MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND
USING DISCIPLINE
He is a 5 year old child who was disappointed that his GM broke her promise, he lost his temper, so what? He doesn’t need DISCIPLINE just a little talk. GM also needs a ‘little talk’ about how we don’t break our PROMISES (my kids were also in brownies/scouts btw, great organisations).

I’m also gen x and I remember what it was like to not be listened to, be dismissed and the adult ALWAYS being right even when they were IN THE WRONG. I brought my kids up with DISCIPLINE but also with UNDERSTANDING and with the knowledge that yes sometimes adults do get it wrong.

I’m also gen x and I remember what it was like to not be listened to, be dismissed and the adult ALWAYS being right even when they were IN THE WRONG.

I remember removal of my possessions from my room, one item per day, until I apologised for some argument I'd had with my mum. When your mother pulls stunts like that to make you apologise, it's not about learning how to be a grownup and it's not about restitution and reconciliation, its about dominance and coercion. It fucks you up for life because, in your head, an apology is a humiliating act of submission to appease a dominator who controls every aspect of your life when it ought to be an act of sincere contrition.

"Disciplining" this boy, which probably translates as "a bollocking, forced apology to GM, and loss of some toys/privileges as punishment" just teaches that boy that an apology is something that you do insincerely to appease the people who decide whether you even get to eat.

So adults can screw up but children can’t

He’s 5.5!
a lot of teenagers can’t regulate themselves and critically think with that level of emotional maturity.
critical thinking doesn’t hit a level and never go under that level! A bad/difficult/hot/long/tiring day can reduce anybody’s level.
he was promised an ice cream and had that taken away.
If someone promised me a glass of wine C and then took it away after a long day and I’d been looking forward to it I’d be pissed off/annoyed and I’m a middle aged woman. Depending on how difficult a day I may even have a good ole rant C about it.
your child is in for a rocky ride if that’s how you parent, he is a child, not an adult or a robot!

That's how I took it as well

DISCIPLINE PEOPLE! STAND HIM IN A CORNER FACING THE WALL UNTIL HE APOLOGISES, NEVER DID ME ANY HARM, AND NO ICE CREAM UNTIL HES LEARNED NEVER TO LOSE HIS TEMPER EVER AGAIN!

Parenting isn’t about scaring your children into good behaviour, or teaching them to respect people who are older and bigger than them. That’s bullying, not discipline.

Parenting is about teaching your child the skills they need to cope with life’s ups and downs. If they could do it age 5.5yrs, we wouldn’t need to supervise 5 year olds.

@SwordToFlamethrower My children never spoke to me like this, they wouldn't have ever dared.

Absolutely abhorrent and I'd be sure never to give that kid an ice cream ever again.

What's all this cuddles bs????

No wonder there is a crisis in schools with parents like this!

I take it this is a joke. Discipline originally means to teach
Your children wouldn’t dare express themselves? That doesn’t worry you?
Theres a difference between bringing up children to have strong positive personalities and quashing their personalities so much - that they don’t dare express their own opinion/ speak out for themselves

https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/articles/zj7dcmn
How to use capital letters, lots of love a fellow Generation X parent.