How would you discipline a 5 year old for saying this horrific thing?

[avata]

My mum was looking after my five year old today while I was at work. She had told him he would have an ice cream from the shop next to the park after school, but by the time they had left the park it was fine for dinner so said it was now too late for an ice cream.

He kicked off massively in the shop, falling to the floor and screaming/shouting. He then ran off down the road and another parent went after him, whom he proceeded to also shout at.

He said to mum he hope she's gets run over by a car. She said that is an awful thing to say, particularly to family, he said he hopes she gets abandoned by her family.

I am so unbelievably cross, shocked and upset with him.

I'm not sure how to play this in terms of consequences and discipline?

We 'might' get an icecream is a terrible, terrible idea. You're setting up an expectation. If it might not happen then just don't mention it at all, there's absolutely no need to.

No, he doesn't want his grandmother to die 🙄 in fact he probably has limited understanding of what that actually means. He's a 5yo who said the strongest thing he could think of because he was flooded with anger and disappointment and doesn't yet have the skills to manage that.

Bullshit. He’s a normal 5 year old not some child prodigy.

Awaiting the drip feed that grandpa died in a car crash and that is why everyone’s so massively triggered by the words of a tantruming (yet very switched on and emotionally mature for his 5 and 6/10ths years) child denied his promised ice cream.

Yes, he can evaluate ideas and form opinions. He can also understand the perspective of others.

I think the discussion is simply

when things don't go your way or are unfair, we need to learn to manage our emotions. We don't say hurtful things and there is no situation where its OK to run off as that's dangerous for yourself and those around you.

And you say you this not expecting him to manage his emotions tomorrow or the next day - but as he grows, how really needs to learn this.

I mean, circumstances change - he does need to learn how to deal with that.

Cuddles and bedtime

Its very unlikely that he actually wants his Grandma to die, hes's 5 they say shit they don't mean

Your poor mum!
I might expect tantrums, running off and mean words from a toddler, but your DS is 5 and that is old enough to understand that disappointment happens.He can understand the shop being closed or whatever. I would tell him how disappointed you are at him behaving like a 2 year old , and you thought he was more kind and more mature than that. I would tell him how unkind and hurtful he had been to his grandmother .

Well he clearly can’t ‘understand the perspective of others’ judging by his reaction to his GM’s actions.

Quite surprised at the forgiving responses here. Of course he's angry and upset but his response wasn't okay. In life sometimes things don't work out. I wouldn't be on him like a tonne of bricks but I'd be explaining that what he said wasn't on and how it made grandma feel, and if I heard language like that again there would be a consequence.

Are you saying you believe he wants his grandmother to die because he didn't get an ice cream and you think that other posters also believe this?

Do you think he is a psychopath? Do you think we think he is a psychopath?

I think he is a bog standard five year old who said something stupid that he didn't fully understand because he was upset. He didn't mean he wants his grandma to actually die.

I'm appalled everyone on MN thinks this spoilt brat/rude behaviour is OK.
At 5 my son knew better than to behave like this and also knew full well there would be consequences.
Instead you all think he should be rewarded with cuddles and hot chocolate.
This is the next generation of awful and badly behaved men right here.

Children really don't understand the concept of mortality (unless they have close lived experience) until they're a bit older.

I'm not sure how to play this in terms of consequences and discipline?

Grandma should think about the words and actions that she uses and think about how they affect others…. Oh you mean the child <fake shock> just tell him that it was very unkind and not to say it again.

Your expectations for a five year olds emotional maturity are quite high.

Never promise an icecream to a five year old and renege on it. He was probably massively looking forward to it.
i’d be mad too!

Yes be upset, and disappointed but not wish hateful things on people. Needs to learn about being kind.

Exactly what this very sensible poster says.

Thank you. I might even make a small statue of you in recognition of some sanity. I was beginning to think I'd entered a parallel universe judging by the comments.

I'd have bought the ice-cream from the shop and said he can have it after dinner. Or even let him have it then and just gave him his portion of dinner a little later.
He needs to know it's rude and dangerous to act that way, and he shouldn't ever hurt people's feelings. But he's so young, I can see why he got upset about the treat being totally withdrawn.

Absolutely this!!

Way too much jargon for a 5 year old

A five year old was told he could have an ice cream and then was told he couldn’t. He’s had a strop and been rude as a consequence.
Granny needs asking or telling not to promise things to small children and then change her mind. Son needs to say sorry to gran for running off and shouting mean things.

Of course he doesn’t wish for her to die. He’s a small child who will struggle to regulate his emotions because he's, well, 5. That doesn’t mean you don’t need to tell him what he said was hurtful and unkind and that running off isn’t safe.

Agree

I have an extremely intelligent 10 year old and even she’d be pissed off at having something promised to her and then cancelled.
I couldn’t say whether she’d say mean things about the person who broke the promise. But she would certainly say they’d ruined her life or something similar. Poor kid. Granny needs to learn to do better

Absolutely.

This is a learning moment for your Mum not your five year old.

Promising a five year old an ice cream and then saying he can’t have one after all! What did she expect would happen?!

He’s only five. He hasn’t developed the cognition or empathy to really understand what he was saying or its impact. He just knew he was angry and he was lashing out.

You can judge your mum by adult standards ( she really should have known better!) , but not your five year old.