Is is wrong to go on holiday without your child?

[GinFizz3489]

I have a 3 year old and as you can imagine he is full on!

We took him abroad last year on holiday and it was nice but I didn't really feel like I got a holiday, more just parenting in a new location. Myself and my husband didn't really get to enjoy nice meals together or kick back with a few cocktails.

We are going away a family holiday abroad again this year and have chosen somewhere really geared towards kids entertainment etc.

I mentioned to my husband about maybe booking a holiday next year abroad for just the two of us to actually get a break. However this would mean we couldn't have a family holiday abroad.

Is this wrong? Should I just suck it up and accept this is my life as a parent and that I won't have many years of taking my son abroad? Or do we take some time for us?

While we are away my son's grandparents said they would take him away either abroad or somewhere in Britain so he isn't missing out.

Why would it be 'wrong', assuming you haven't left a three year old alone in the house with a packet of biscuits while you and DH head to the Caribbean?

Personally, we always went on holiday to places we would have gone to before having a child, so didn't feel quite so hard done by. We've gone away for occasional long weekends, but we both regularly go away by ourselves, leaving DS with the other parent.

@GettingtheElectric haha no of course not!

I don't know! It just feels wrong to want time alone if you know what I mean.

We will only have a certain number or family holidays ahead so I feel a bit guilty spending money on a holiday just for us. Butttttt I feel like we also need it.

I think it depends on how you feel, and whether your child is happy to stay with anyone else.

Me personally, I wouldn't enjoy a holiday without my ds because I'd worry if he was ok, but everyone is different, and also I'm single so I don't need to worry about any strain on my relationship.

It is fine to go away without DS for a break but maybe start smaller with a long weekend away staycation to test the water with how all parties involved would find it.

@Meadowfinch he would be more than happy to be with his grandparents although I don't now how he would be for a week.

He's only ever stayed overnight and the longest he's been away from us is one night.

Personally I wouldn’t do this but that doesn’t make it wrong. As long as your son is being well cared for while you’re away it’s totally fine. Not everyone will agree with it but it’s up to you to decide what’s best for your family.

If you don't think your DS will miss you too much, and you don't think the GPs will find it too hard, then I think it's fine. I don't think you need to worry that he will miss out on going away at that age. So long as everyone is safe and happy that's good enough.

I wouldn't do it myself but then I don't have extended family support in the same way so I can't quite envision DC being safe and comfortable with anyone else for so long. I certainly wouldn't judge someone else who did this.

I think your idea is great! Win win, and you actually get recharge your batteries whilst your dc has a lovely time with his grandparents

I agree with PP about starting with a weekend first.

We go abroad every couple of months with our young children. I couldn't imagine getting on a plane for hours away from them. There's no way I'd enjoy myself without them.

But if your child would be happy to stay with his grandparents for a week and you can stomach being so far from them, go for it given that the little one is still safe and loved in your absence 🙂

Thanks all!

We have some thinking to do.

I was going to say it's not good...... then realised I'm being judgemental! Actually it might be good for your relationship and if your child is happy with gp for a long weekend or something, then yeah.... why not!

Agree with pp about keeping it keep it short and not to far though 😊

I don't think its a great thing to do. As a parent, you have so little annual leave, that a whole week taken and not spent with your child is a huge percentage. Think to how high that percentage is again of not being with one or both parents, I.e nursery, grandparents.

I wouldn't go away for more than a long weekend without the kids in the foreseeable

I’m not sure how old I was when my parents began leaving me with my GPs while they went on holiday, but I was definitely under 5. I LOVED those weeks, some of the most treasured times of my childhood. I didn’t live close to my grandparents so I would only see them once a month otherwise.

That said, my parents weren’t going on super expensive long-haul holidays and they still had enough to then go away with me on a UK family break too.

I’d say build up to it and if it works for your DC and the grandparents then go for it. Really beautiful for their relationship.

I wouldn’t want to be that far away from my child at such a young age, even so I trust my parents and in laws to look after him.

We started to go on holidays with my parents for exactly this reason - We get some alone time as a couple, my parents love looking after their grandchild, and he gets lots of attention from all of us. I understand this would be a nightmare for some people though

Absolutely not wrong.

Absolutely not for me. I would have hated to have been away from my DC. It would have ruined my holiday.

I think if he's only ever done one night, then going off aboard for a week whilst grandparents take him abroad somewhere else is probably asking for trouble.

Ask GP to have him for a weekend and go somewhere in the UK, see how you all get on.

Why not take the babysitter/grandparent/nanny with you. Then you can enjoy evenings out/walks with your husband but also bonding family time. If I had the money I would hire a holiday nanny. It's not as expensive as you think.

First off it’s not wrong at all - it’s just a choice. Holidays can be lovely time with kids where you aren’t rushing around and you get to really spend quality time with them.

I think the trick is to completely drop your current expectations of what a good holiday is. I liked completely different holidays before kids - ones where we drove around a lot , stayed in interesting places and had gorgeous dinners with lovely wine and sat around till the small hours. After a disastrous holiday with my first as a toddler, I was ready to put on an all inclusive bracelet and queue up for some crappy buffet food!

The most successful holidays for us are campsites, self catering gite style in France and the aforementioned all inclusives. Somewhere were there are lots of activities for the kids - things to do together and apart - . Kids clubs allow us to snatch some time together. But the family time is golden. You really get time to teach them things and hear their ideas in a way that you don’t during the course of your normal busy life.

I think it's good to do some family holidays and also have some holidays where its you and your husband, you don't stop being a couple when you have kids and I think being a strong couple will make you even better parents 💓

At that age I would have only gone away for a long weekend max...a week feels too long to me.

Dh and I have been away without dc a few times over the years, some UK and some abroad...but it's always been in addition to our normal family holiday not instead of. If it was either or we'd have stuck with just the main family holiday.

I think it's a bit sad for your child to miss out on the main holiday and it is quite selfish IMO. It's obviously up to you though. Personally I'd hate to be a plane ride away from my child even with involved GPs.

Btw I recommend a self catered villa or apartment where you can at least kick back and relax once the DC is in bed!

Bear in mind @GinFizz3489 on mumsnet lots of people can’t leave their babies until they’re about 25

I do go on holiday without my dd but she's older now, first went away for a week without her when she was 6, my parents took her on a holiday to Spain and dh and I went somewhere else...

Parents have many holidays a year and so one with dd wasn't their only holiday and we also had another big family holiday with dd

I wouldn't go away without he if it meant she wasn't getting a holiday abroad though as she absolutely loves going away so that would be my priority, she is older now(8) so it has gotten easier all round

In summary not against holiday without kids but for me it's also important to have dedicated time off work with my dd too to have fun/be away from home

I think it would be fine if you could afford a family holiday as well, but not if it meant your son didn't get a holiday at all. You could maybe get away with it this/next year while he's 3 or 4, but any older than that and I think he'd rightfully feel hurt and jealous that you prioritise your own holiday over one with him.