Is is wrong to go on holiday without your child?

[GinFizz3489]

I have a 3 year old and as you can imagine he is full on!

We took him abroad last year on holiday and it was nice but I didn't really feel like I got a holiday, more just parenting in a new location. Myself and my husband didn't really get to enjoy nice meals together or kick back with a few cocktails.

We are going away a family holiday abroad again this year and have chosen somewhere really geared towards kids entertainment etc.

I mentioned to my husband about maybe booking a holiday next year abroad for just the two of us to actually get a break. However this would mean we couldn't have a family holiday abroad.

Is this wrong? Should I just suck it up and accept this is my life as a parent and that I won't have many years of taking my son abroad? Or do we take some time for us?

While we are away my son's grandparents said they would take him away either abroad or somewhere in Britain so he isn't missing out.

Of course it isn't wrong. You are allowed to have experiences without your child and he's allowed to have experiences without you too, it's healthy.

As is having some time to focus on your marriage.

Really? Didn’t notice you were away for a week? Perhaps you hardly spend any time with them anyway.

Being bluntly honest op I think that’s what having children is about. I think it’s quite sad to not take your own child on holiday but let your parents do it. Have a night or two away on your own but family holidays are where memories are made.
There is no way I’d have got on a plane together leaving a young child behind. I wouldn’t enjoy myself .

Maybe I exaggerate slightly. We did call them. My point is, you are allowed a life which very occasionally does not involve your children. For me, having occasional breaks makes me a better parent rather than one who is stressed to the eyeballs, knackered and has lost sight of who I am (which is far more than just ‘mum’). I promise none of my children hold a grudge or have been damaged by my one choice of holiday. I also appreciate how lucky I am to have amazing parents who enjoy spending time with their grandchildren.

It’s about how you feel about it, not anyone else.
I personally have never been on holiday without my dc because to me that’s what holidays are about. I’d hate the feeling that they’d be missing out, such as new sights, foods, trips out etc. If they it doesn’t bother you & your dc won’t miss you at grandparents, it has nothing to worry what others think.

Everyone to their own but my son was my responsibility not someone else`s responsibility while i soak up the sun.

I found the grandparents looking after them a good solution. Of course it still is my and DH's responsibility overall. However when the children go away in year 6 on the end of school residential or go away with cubs the teacher or scout leaders assume responsibly of the child's safety. You haven't given up responsibility of your child anymore than I have to my mum and dad when they had my children.

When the boys were very young mum and dad would stay at mine and take them for trips out and do normal toddler things with them such as baking, painting etc.
When they were a little older mum and dad would still stay at ours and take them to school. It really strengthened their relationship as mum and dad live quite far away to see them on a regular basis.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with leaving your kid with grandparents or other family that they enjoy and will have fun with for a week to go on holiday with your DP. But I do think it’s wrong to prioritise a holiday for the two of you above a family holiday. So if it means you can’t take DC on a family holiday, I think that’s unreasonable and you just need to suck it up for a while. Holidays don’t have to be abroad, though. Nor do they need to be for a whole week.

Not sure it's wrong as such, especially if GPs are active and able to care well for your DC/have a good relationship with them as well.

However I personally couldn't. I'd be too worried (even with amazing grandparents for DD), I would miss her and feel sad she wasn't with us, I would be anxious about her being on a plane without me or some sort of medical emergency happening and not being in the same country, I also feel like it's a waste of money as it means that there is no family holiday.

Each to their own however. As long as your child is happy, cared for, loved and safe.

DH and I always had a week abroad but it was additional to family holiday
DC stayed with my sister and her family who they adore
If you don’t fancy it don’t do it

We always make sure we get a couple of nights away each year just us, we stick with the UK though just in case the children need us or something happened to my parents. It's not wrong, I would say to think about how quick time goes, next year he will be 4, not 3, he'll have changed, grown up and be ready to start school so whilst itll still be full on, it might be different to how it is right now - he will be a little nore independent and better at concentrating for a while, my kids would happily build sandcastles for ages at 4 and i could sip a cocktail and read a book. You could also look at family holidaying somewhere with a kids club, he could go two or three times which gives you some time on the beach or in the spa or for a fancy lunch. When we have a family holiday we also make sure we get some alone time by hiring a hotel babysitter, or my husband will take the kids whilst I hit the spa on my own... there's options if you do take him as well!

I don't think parents get a rest no matter what age the kids are. But I don't agree with leaving them either. I wouldn't start a family and then dump them with others....the moment my child was born, they are part of my life package.

Absolutely do it!
you never know when you may get the chance to do it again except when your child is 18 🤣
if you’re feeling guilty about missing out of a family holiday why don’t you have two shorter holidays? One family and one adults only.

It is definately not wrong to want alone time - it's one week out of his whole childhood. That said, I wouldn't advise going straight from 1 night away from you to a whole week, especially if you will be far away that week.

We sometimes have weekends away with out them, but due to preference we don’t go abroad unless I can drive home if needed. If we go away their grandma or uncle have them, they visit us once a month and stay, grandma always stays for at least a week, when we lived in the UK they would always have one sleepover a month with them, so they’re used to their uncle or grandma putting them to bed etc. Our son has opted to go to the UK and stay with his grandma for a week in the summer holidays, he’ll be fine without is and enjoy himself, we however will both be wrecks and miss him like mad, our poor daughter will be sick of us smothering her while he’s gone.

So while we do weekends away, we personally wouldn’t if it meant we could have a family holiday/family weekends away etc. It absolutely isn’t wrong to go without them if they’re happy to be cared for by someone familiar.

My parents went to Spain without me in the 1970's. I am an only child and was left with a babysitter who I was horrible to as I wanted to be with my parents . I still mind about it 50 years later. We didn't have family holidays until I was a teenager and never abroad. As a parent we would never have considered leaving dc's at home. They all still talk about how much they enjoyed our family holidays when they were children.

It's not something I'd ever consider.

I don't think it's wrong, provided your DS also gets a holiday he will enjoy. I don't think that holiday has to be with you - if your parents would enjoy taking him away I think that's fine. To be honest, kids this age in my opinion can find summer holidays abroad a bit stressful, as airport time and flights are long and boring for them, especially if there are delays. And they don't tend to enjoy very hot sun. Whereas a seaside holiday in Britain, with mini golf, amusement arcades, maybe a cinema trip, etc, might be more the ticket!

When I was little, we used to alternate - one year holiday abroad somewhere like Menorca or Sorrento, the other year staying in a family member's property in Llandudno. I massively loved the Llandudno ones, and nearly all of my happiest early childhood memories are from there. I take my daughter there now regularly myself and I love it too!

I think when your son is older, it will be less easy to justify leaving him while you holiday, as he will be more aware of what is happening. Of course it's possible he will develop a great bond with his grandparents and love holidaying with them so much that he will still want to do it when he is 10! But you can't count on it.

So why not enjoy it while you can still get away with it?

For what it's worth, I am split from my daughter's dad and have remarried and we do go away sometimes without my daughter. I just make sure that I am also able to afford at least the same length of time away with her. So this summer I might do 5 days in the camper van with my husband, as long as I have the money for at least 5 days camping with my daughter, more likely try and stretch to a week. If I genuinely couldn't afford to go away with them both I would always prioritise her, but I do think couple time is valuable too in sustaining a healthy relationship, IF you are lucky enough to have a childcare solution available. She knows I go away without her sometimes and doesn't mind at all.

It's fine. As ong as the kid has other adults they feel really comfortable with and can meet their needs.

I also agree that you have to work up to it.

My kids are now used to 3-4 nights at grandparents 2 or 3 times a year. Next week we're going abroad for 6 nights.

Great idea, wouldn't worry about him missing out.
My children older but they prefer not going away hate missing matches, birthday parties ....
Difficultly is organising & paying for minders. If you have grandparents willing to do it jump at chance and go.

100% take the time for you 2 as a couple if its possible! Having a break will refresh and rejuvenate you and let you be better parents! He will probably love gran and grandpa time!

I would and I did! A couple of times already, only 2 nights so far but more because of logistics (we don’t have family nearby so it’s rare we have available people we trust to leave her). It was amazing, I’d do it again in a heartbeat if I has proper family around that she was used to! On both occasions we did it during the week so DD was mostly on her childminder anyways, just one hour in the morning and getting ready to bed were spent with grandma so she hardly felt the difference/missed us.

100% go on the holiday with your husband.

My husband and I have 3 kids aged 6 and under. We went abroad in 2021 and we went to Amsterdam for a few nights in 2023. We take the kids on holidays in between but only to English destinations (which they love). But we are taking them abroad next year. We’ll definitely need a holiday after just the two of us 😂😂

make time for your marriage too ❤️

Heck yes you should go away for a break!! It’s so good for the soul and the marriage and you’ll come back a happier and better parent.
We've never done a full week abroad ourselves but for the last 7 years (kids are 9 and 10) we’ve done 3, 4 or 5 nights in various places in Feb or March - Tenerife, Lisbon, Seville, Palermo, Granada etc. 1 long weekend away each year. Each of them have been amazing and we come back v loved up and happy. We have 5 doting grandparents to share the childcare and the kids don’t bat an eye. We still go away with them in the summer but tbh holidays were shit with kids till they were both over 5 (waste of money looking back) now they’re great.

I couldn’t imagine doing a full 1-2 week holiday without my sons but we’ve had weekends away without them, we’re doing a long weekend away without them for the August bank holiday weekend, I know they’ll be absolutely fine with grandparents. If you feel happy that your son will be ok without you for a week then go for it, if not can you stretch to a weekend away just the 2 of you and then the family holiday…alternatively could you do a family holiday with the grandparents. We went last year with the in-laws, i probably wouldn’t do it again for other reasons but they were help in that they would take our eldest (2.5 at the time) to the park or for a walk for an hour or so. They probably would’ve taken him for dinner a couple of evenings so we could go out alone if we’d asked them to but we had a 3month old too so we still would’ve had to take him with us so it wasn’t really worth it.

I don’t like being a flight away from my children but I also love mini breaks in the UK more than the faff of a short holiday abroad.

It’s great to have time away from the children but I don’t see why it needs to be abroad.