Is is wrong to go on holiday without your child?

[GinFizz3489]

I have a 3 year old and as you can imagine he is full on!

We took him abroad last year on holiday and it was nice but I didn't really feel like I got a holiday, more just parenting in a new location. Myself and my husband didn't really get to enjoy nice meals together or kick back with a few cocktails.

We are going away a family holiday abroad again this year and have chosen somewhere really geared towards kids entertainment etc.

I mentioned to my husband about maybe booking a holiday next year abroad for just the two of us to actually get a break. However this would mean we couldn't have a family holiday abroad.

Is this wrong? Should I just suck it up and accept this is my life as a parent and that I won't have many years of taking my son abroad? Or do we take some time for us?

While we are away my son's grandparents said they would take him away either abroad or somewhere in Britain so he isn't missing out.

I get the need to have some time for you and DH on a holiday. When our's were toddlers we managed to get that by going on P&O cruises from Southampton.

Cruises were originally my idea of hell and we only went on the first one because MIL invited us and paid. I was reluctant but It was amazing as the kids creche and night nursery allowed me and DH time to relax during the day and of an evening. The set up is perfect for very young families as long as your DC are happy to go in the creche ( we couldn't keep our's out of it!) . We went on cruises when our DC were 2 and 5 and then again a year later because it was so perfect for everyone.

I did this. My reo DC stayed with MIL. They lived it and we got a break. I think we went for 5 days. I would only do it if you're not going to feel bad though. If I'd felt guilty it would have ruined the holiday.

I wouldn't do it to the expense of not having a holiday with my children

But my Husband and I go away every year for 2/3 nights, sometimes twice a year. And we have had 3 longer holidays without them.

10 days in the Caribbean for our honeymoon.
5 days in Vegas for a wedding.
7 days in Spain just because !

Our eldest is 15 and we are very close to our parents who are happy to look after them. Less so now we have 3 children 😅

I think it’s weird as we’d have never done it. We took our kids all over the world, starting at 9 months. A 3 year old would have a brilliant time. Our best memories are holidays through the years with our kids.

But, if you have grandparents crazy enough to want to step in, and you’re confident that they’d be happy, a couples only holiday sounds like heaven. Our youngest was 18 when we actually went on a holiday without kids! I wouldn’t change it though.

Personally, we haven't and wouldn't do it. We've just adapted. We've chosen to have the kids. We wouldn't go abroad without them especially if that was the main holiday for the year. Bit selfish in my opinion. Children learn so much through these opportunities.

And, having kids is exhausting. As is taking them away. I totally get it.

If you feel comfortable leaving your three year old a continent away from you, that's up to you. And, loads of ppl do it, so it must be the done thing. And, not an issue. Go for it, what could go wrong?

My brother and his wife have just gone to South Africa for a holiday without their 4 year old for a fortnight. My parents are taking time off work to look after their grandson, who will have a great time with them. They have him a lot (two nights a week, often more) so he is well used to being away from his parents, and his parents well used to being away from him. They didn’t want to go as a family because they thought the flight was too long for the little one and there wouldn’t be much of interest for him when they go there, so they went alone instead.

I could not have done the same with my kids, mainly because I didn’t want to. The odd weekend away without them was more than enough. Of course I am very judgey about this but it makes my parents happy, even if I do feel my brother is taking the piss.

My kids are grown up now, that happened so incredibly quickly, and I do feel like we all would have missed out on a lot if we had not taken the kids away with us.

It is not wrong at all! Different people want different things and a holiday with a three year old is not really relaxing. I'd do it- go somewhere luxurious but after that when he is 5+ family holidays. But still go with what you like

It’s entirely up to you. Some parents go away for a week or longer, some Heber spend a night away from their dc. When ours were small dh and I had roughly one or two weekends away per year so we’re probably right in the middle. We’ve never gone abroad without dc but that’s just because we don’t love flying for short breaks (too unpredictable and too much faff).

If it was me, and if it was a choice between a "proper holiday" with my husband or a "proper family holiday" (as opposed to long weekends etc) I'd chose to go as a family. I'm not you though, so if your child would be happy with their GP then I guess that's fine.

As opposed suggested, maybe start with a long weekend with the GP and see how that goes.

If you have got someone prepared to look after your child so you can go away you absolutely shouldn't feel bad!! We have done this loads of times since dd was born, come back feeling really refreshed! Always go somewhere that we wouldn't take her .

My parents did most years. They went places that would have been difficult to take three kids (Machu Pichu when it was barely accessible for example). They couldn't have afforded it before. We didn't miss out - we went away too, not always abroad. This was well into our teen years and we never resented it.

If you have a willing babysitter, then go for it. When my kids were younger, my mum & mil were more than happy to have the kids for a week. It was fabulous, then the kids were spoiled and had a great time, and we got a break. You have to make time in a relationship just for the 2 if you.

I would do it based on how capable and willing grandparents are and also temperament of child (mine is only 8 months but is going through separation anxiety).

I would probably start with a weekend break though and see how I feel about doing a longer period after that.

I think it’s important to spend time as a couple to nurture the relationship and have time for a proper break - that could be date nights, weekend break,

In answer to your question though, no, I don’t think it’s wrong to go away without child if they are being well taken care of.

Just because you have become a parent doesn’t mean you have to lose your identity as a partner and an individual person.

You are allowed to spend time alone, with friends, with family or your partner without your child.

if anything it can only make you a happier less stressed parent which will benefit your child.

We only left our children once they were a bit older and only for a long weekend, but as long as your child is well looked after, happy and spends plenty of quality time with you both, I think it’s fine.

Not wrong at all.

But the hysterical ones will be along shortly to question your decision to even have a child and celebrate their martyrdom in your face.

We've had a number of adult holidays as well as family holidays and it's worked great for us.

@climbershell I actually spend a lot of time with my son. I work part time so have him 2 fulls days in which we go clubs, play dates etc. then with my job I work term time so I have 2 weeks off at Christmas, Easter and 7 weeks off in summer. I am lucky in that respect a week away from him isn't much as I am with him a lot.

@whosaidtha that's what we did last year but I still didn't feel like we got a break as grandparents went and did their own thing mostly during the day and did offer to look after our son at night time. We only did one dinner by ourselves.

@HummingbirdChandelier 😂😂😂

I've decided now mine are 8 and 6 that they can stay with their grandparents for a weekend while my husband and I do something they would hate (in this case a European city site seeking break). It's taken me 8 years to get to this point mentally though. I don't really know why, but now I'm totally fine with it.

We will have a week holiday doing something the kids like as well. I don't feel guilty.

Yeah I kinda feel like this too. My son is three and loves a holiday so I'm probably being swayed by the thought of how he'd feel missing out 😅

We did go away for five days when he was nine months old though so in general I have no issues with parents holidaying alone. It's definitely not wrong if it works for you, OP.

totally fine. He’s getting a holiday with his grandparents anyway.

me and DH are going away for a belated honeymoon soon. But for a long weekend uk break.

our toddler will stay with their siblings (my step kids and their mum). Already know they will have a blast 💥 😀🙃

Of course it's not wrong. I'd say it's a bit unfair if that's your only holiday though. Could you have a family holiday, and you and DH just have a weekend trip?

We did, we've got a huge family who are very hands on so DD grew up staying with grandparents, aunts and uncles etc and was very used to it. She used to love her little staycations with her relatives (who spoiled her absolutely rotten) and husband and I got to keep nurturing our relationship and having "grown up" holidays.

We did still have family holidays too though, and once DD was a bit older she did a lot of travelling with us, and with grandma.

She's 16 now and a proper little globetrotter with an amazing relationship with all her family members so I don't think it's done her any harm!

He will be 4 next year and I found a big difference between 3 and 4, 4 being much easier. Obviously wouldnt be anywhere near as relaxing as it would going on your own though.

I wouldn’t personally go without my DC but I think its fine to do so in most circumstances. Like you say he won’t be missing out, will go somewhere with his grandparents and gets a lot of time with you doing activities etc.