Is is wrong to go on holiday without your child?

[GinFizz3489]

I have a 3 year old and as you can imagine he is full on!

We took him abroad last year on holiday and it was nice but I didn't really feel like I got a holiday, more just parenting in a new location. Myself and my husband didn't really get to enjoy nice meals together or kick back with a few cocktails.

We are going away a family holiday abroad again this year and have chosen somewhere really geared towards kids entertainment etc.

I mentioned to my husband about maybe booking a holiday next year abroad for just the two of us to actually get a break. However this would mean we couldn't have a family holiday abroad.

Is this wrong? Should I just suck it up and accept this is my life as a parent and that I won't have many years of taking my son abroad? Or do we take some time for us?

While we are away my son's grandparents said they would take him away either abroad or somewhere in Britain so he isn't missing out.

I have a 11 year old and an 8 year old. My core memories are the multiple holidays we had as a family. The time they actually wanted to be with us and engage and be a small child. Already at this age the independence means we spend lots of time alone on holiday. The years are fast. You won’t get it back. You’ve got decades of holidays alone. Enjoy it because suddenly you barely get a backward glance.

I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself without my kids there, but if you think you would, then there’s nothing wrong with it, provided you’ve arranged adequate care for your child.

I do think it’s important to reframe a ‘proper holiday’ or however you worded it. It might just be that the holidays you previously enjoyed don’t marry up with your parenting.

We took my then 2 year old to a very luxurious hotel in Croatia, was an absolute nightmare and almost put me off holidays altogether, as we thought a hotel would have more resources to entertain the kids, but it was the opposite, I couldn’t stand being in such close quarters with other people and craved our own space.

We go away next month. We’ve decided to go back to our tried and true from my childhood and booked self catering apartments with my parents, and younger brothers, which means we have plenty of babysitters and extra hands at the pool, a necessity as well have an almost 5 year old and a 19 month old. I’m not bothered by kids clubs and night time entertainment (infact I can think of nothing worse), and like to get out and about exploring the place we’re visiting. A good holiday doesn’t have to revolve around poolside cocktails, spending quality time together and making memories is incredibly rewarding.

It is a hard juggling act prioritising your own mental health / adult relationship and dealing with all the mum guilt society gives. If you need a break and can arrange care for your child that will be good then do it. Little people find lots of things enriching and don’t need holidays abroad to be happy at all. Balance can be found!

My parents left my brother and I with relatives when we were young so they could have a break. One time they did this and dad had a lads holiday and mum a girls holiday. I’m 40 and turned out fine. Never felt like I missed out on anything because we had fun with our relatives.

Time has moved on and now I too leave my son on occasion with my parents. My parents often take him away for the weekend because they want to and take him places without his parents. It’s a healthy balance. But it might be best to work up to leaving him for a week if he hasn’t been left that long before. Maybe a few long weekends with grandparents? That might give you a break too.

Go for it! As long as he gets some form of holiday too with you or with grandparents I don’t see the issue. Me and my husband went to vegas for 6 nights without our kids, and a few weekends aways to Europe ! Why not! You come back feeling re freshed and so a better parent for it in my opinion,

Its an individual decision - personally for me, I wouldn’t as I absolutely love our family holidays and that would always come first if it was a choice between one or the other.

But we always chose a hotel with a kids club (so we could have a couple of hours in the week just for us) and also a kids area with shallow water/waterpark. Our kids were always happy paddling in areas like that for hours, so you can sit next to them in the pool with a cocktail and still relax and get a tan. We’d take it in turns for one to watch and one to read/sunbathe.

I have always still relaxed on family holidays. Yes there will be moments with a tired toddler but not enough to make me want a holiday without them. But I dont think you should feel guilty if you feel like that. Perhaps do a mini-break with your little one so you still feel you’ve had some family time?

Not wrong at all!

but look at it this way by next year he will be nearly 5, just learning to swim, starting to venture out and make friends on holiday or even old enough for kids clubs so it’s a completely different type of holiday then.

we went abroad for 2 night when my ds was 4 and regretted it the full time, my oh kept saying he would have loved the pool, he would have loved the beach, he would have loved dancing at the entertainment. Although it was nice to get away just the 2 of us, in hindsight it would have been fun in a different way go together.

Also a week is a long time to leave a young child with grandparents. Both for the child and for the grandparents. They may say they are happy to have him but the reality can be very different!
That's not necessarily true. We went to nans from 1971 until 1980 for two weeks . Nan and grandad used to get us excited about going and we had so much fun ( except for the year I had whopping cough!!)
Good times.
My mum and dad had mine so the pattern repeated. My lads are adults now but when I saw mum a few weeks ago she was reminiscing about ds1 being bossy to ds2, how they loved Top Gear and how ds 2 would pat the fog very gently oh his head and kiss his nose.
Not all grandparents are going to struggle for a fortnight or week looking after a child.

I think it's a really good thing to invest time and resources into your marriage.

Of course, it's not wrong.

I would go on a holiday without a second thought if I had anyone to look after my toddler.
Take advantage of the fact that the grandparents are more than happy to look after your child and enjoy your time with your husband.

I think it’s rather sad to sacrifice a family holiday to go by yourselves. I don’t think it’s great for a child of that age to be left for a whole week. It will feel like an eternity. Will the GPs even manage an entire week? You might lose a great deal of goodwill if it’s too hard for them.

I would choose a weekend away and enjoy a few cocktails and a lie in and leave the family holiday in tact.

Fuck no.

I love a good child free holiday. Kids get to spend time with their grandparents (who mind them daily anyway while we work) and I get to read my Kindle and drink cocktails in peace.

For what it's worth, we do take the children away for a 100% child orientated holiday every year too.

We went to a beautiful place last year and I saw a mother cry all the way there. I asked her if she was okay in the end, and she said she had left her small child at home and it was heartbreaking seeing all of the families excited on the flight.

When we got to the hotel I saw her a couple of times at dinner and around the pool, she looked utterly miserable and desolate. I think they left early as I didn’t see her again. It really taught me the pain of leaving dc behind. Factor in how you might actually feel opposed to the excitement you might imagine. I think you can achieve what you are looking for in a different way.

My dc are older now and I would give anything to take my little ones on holiday again. It passes in a flash - make the most of it!!!!!

I prefer to go on holiday with my teen and leave DH at home. I’ve done a few holidays like this and really enjoyed them.

Those saying they absolutely wouldn’t go on holiday without their kids… why?!

you deserve a break! We all work hard, have a lot of stress etc - you deserve a holiday, a proper holiday I mean where you can go sightseeing and drink cocktails etc!

Who could possibly argue with this?!

@nibblemunch

i presume your son went to school? Was he not your responsibility then?

My parents did this frequently when we were kids, even when we were teenagers. We didn’t feel jealous or left out or neglected: we had a nice time at the homes of whatever aunts or grandparents we were left with, or sometimes one of the grannies came and minded us in our house so they got a welcome change of scenery. These were all different and varied experiences and include now-treasured memories of grandparents who are all no longer with us. There is no god-given right to a holiday abroad for children and teaching kids otherwise can lead to a sense of entitlement. Don’t feel guilty if you have family who would love to have them and will take good care of them.

I refer to my post above 😂

I personally wouldn't do it in place of a family holiday, but if I had the childcare like that (never have) I'd probably consider a long weekend to Barcelona or similar sunny city break.

@Phoenixfire1988

see I don’t get posts like this. It’s not for definite you will get the chance to go on holidays when older and your kids have grown up. Not all of us live to older age. Or you might not be in very good health then. So much could happen! So don’t martyr yourself as tomorrow is never guaranteed!

Haven’t RTFT so apologies. Just to share my experience. I’m separated from my daughter’s dad and have been abroad twice with my DP (her stepdad) and once for a hen party.
On the years we went away (2years apart) DD had 2x UK breaks (one with me one with her Dad) and 1x abroad so we didn’t feel too guilty. Her Dad has gone on abroad city breaks too without her. I contacted her often, brought her presents back and went during school times so she was occupied.

That said, whenever I’ve left the country I’ve left her in the care of her Dad of whom I share custody pretty much 50/50 and have a mostly amicable co-parenting relationship with. I’m not sure how I’d feel if she wasn't with a parent- I kind of saw it as a rare perk of having to share custody. (That’s nothing against her dad BTW, who wouldn’t want their DC with them full time !)

DD was 7 when we last went away (now 8) and has asked we don’t go without her again- I think because she missed us rather than getting FOMO so we won’t be going away without her again any time soon.

Either Way when I went, I had mum guilt the whole time on the way to the airport but had a great time when away. I think there’s a lot to be gained for going away and spending time focusing on being a couple and individuals as opposed to just parents. I’d take the plunge if you can trust the adults they’re with. HTH despite my squiffy contradictions 🤣

Our way of doing things is to have a family holiday with the kids (all inclusive with pools, water slides and kids clubs) that we get a break from cooking, cleaning and constantly thinking of things to do with them and we just get to enjoy spending time with them. It really is my favourite week of the year. Then DH and I get a couple of weekends away together (we usually buy these for each other for birthdays/xmas).

But do whatever makes your lives better OP! I’m not sure what you mean by ‘full on’ with your 3yo- maybe there are behaviour issues or he’s very clingy and you need a break from that? I think I would!

It's not something I ever did or would have wanted to do, but "wrong" is a strong word.
Lots of parents do lots of things differently to me. Obviously there are things that others do that I don't think are ideal, but they'd probably say the same about me! Unless a parent is actually being abusive or neglectful I'd call most things a difference of opinion, different parenting style or whatever, not "right" or "wrong".
Have the courage of your convictions OP. If any of those who are directly involved are unsure then maybe you need to re evaluate, but if you, your partner and the grandparents who actually know your circumstances and your child feel confident the plan is fine then the opinions of internet strangers really don't matter do they?

I couldn’t do it op, not saying it’s wrong, but I’d never enjoy myself knowing my DCs aren’t with me. Maybe a weekend but definitely no longer.

Your child isn’t missing out when they’re too young to even realise what a holiday is! Go for it, your relationship is worth it. My husband and I went to America for 5 nights and left our 3 behind with grandparents when the youngest was 2, we had an amazing time, the kids didn’t even realise we were gone!