Is is wrong to go on holiday without your child?

[GinFizz3489]

I have a 3 year old and as you can imagine he is full on!

We took him abroad last year on holiday and it was nice but I didn't really feel like I got a holiday, more just parenting in a new location. Myself and my husband didn't really get to enjoy nice meals together or kick back with a few cocktails.

We are going away a family holiday abroad again this year and have chosen somewhere really geared towards kids entertainment etc.

I mentioned to my husband about maybe booking a holiday next year abroad for just the two of us to actually get a break. However this would mean we couldn't have a family holiday abroad.

Is this wrong? Should I just suck it up and accept this is my life as a parent and that I won't have many years of taking my son abroad? Or do we take some time for us?

While we are away my son's grandparents said they would take him away either abroad or somewhere in Britain so he isn't missing out.

Everyone to their own but my son was my responsibility not someone else`s responsibility while i soak up the sun.

I go away on my own now hes 19 so all my freedom is back.

My mum and dad used to go to Las Palmas every year in the 70s. Two sets if grandparents looked after us and we loved it.
Mum and dad took us on camping holidays which was great fun!

At 5, it would have been wrong for us. That doesn’t make it wrong, though.
I’d start with a weekend first if I were you. Huge difference between an overnight and a whole week. Could make for a difficult time for GPs if your little one begins to miss you.

I couldn’t do it. We go on 2/3 holidays a year with my 3 kids and yes it’s stressful but it’s what you sign up for when you have kids. I couldn’t imagine going without them and missing seeing how happy they are (when they are not moaning or arguing haha)
I have been on a couple of night stays or maybe an odd weekend without them to recharge but I could never go on a proper holiday without them I would feel so guilty.
each to their own though, if everyone is happy then go for it!

We have a couple of holidays a year without our 3 year old, he loves staying with his grandparents and has more toys there than at ours! He stays over regularly and they all enjoy it. We go away a lot with him so he’s definitely not missing out. We went to the states last year for a week for a wedding which I was a little nervous about but it all went fine.

I think a few days just the two of you is really healthy, and the best thing for your child is to have happy parents!

However, my parents are young, fit and see him a lot. Very grateful to them for everything they do.

Personally, I've done it and it was fucking great. I had no regrets, nothing went wrong, and I did not spend the entire time pining for my precious little ones. I was able to reconnect with who I really am.

For me personally, it would have to be as well as a family holiday, not instead of. I couldn’t prioritise my and DH going away solo over taking the DC with us.

We only had our first week away without them when they were 15 and 12 but we did the odd city break when they were a bit younger.

If the grandparents didn’t offer to have him when you were away together previously, I’d be worried as to how they’d cope for a whole week when you’ve only ever left him overnight to now 🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s very much a “each to their own” situation. You do what you feel happy to do and it’s very dependent on what your child’s temperament is like and what support you have.

For me I wouldn’t go for more than a long weekend. I also wouldn’t go on a week holiday with just DH if it meant no family holiday that year. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with my DPs feeling they had to provide my DC with a holiday in order to “make up” for mummy and daddy being away either. If GP wish to take DC in holiday that is wonderful but it would be a Bonus holiday for the child not an alternative to our family holiday. I do think when you have children your life should rightly change for those few years they rely on you and that includes holidays. A long weekend is different but a week plus seems off to me. As I said there isn’t really a right or wrong. What works for one family won’t work for another. So long as all parties involved are happy (esp the grandparents who shouldn’t feel obligated).

I forgot to add to my post, when we stayed at nan and grandads while mum and dad went to Spain ut was seen by us as a massive treat. We had supper which included Horlicks and shortbread, we played cards and won money, ok it was pennies. Nan made us our favorite teas. We couldn't wait fir mum and dad to come back with presents. Spanish sweets were so exciting.
We didn't miss out on holidays because we still went away. Admittedly it was camping and it was cheap but it was super fun.
It was a win all round. Mum and dad went away with their friends. Nan and grandad liked looking after us and we loved staying there and got nice presents.

We went to Mauritius with our son 18 months at the time. Hired an ad hoc nanny for mornings and some evenings when we fancied it. We had 4 dinners and cocktails without bubs! It was ideal.
£7 an hour. Best money ever spent.

absolutely could not have left him (even now he’s older) it would ruin my holiday as I would miss him and not be able to relax. But if it works for you, then don’t let people on MN stop you!

I think everyone's situation is different. I travelled a lot before having my child & personally would never have left him to have a holiday BUT I had no one I could trust to leave him with & a lot of our annual leave was used up covering child care etc. What I find odd is people taking young children abroad, I would never have considered it, it always looks like bloody hard work! We didn't go abroad until our son was 4 & didn't need nappies, formula, pushchair etc.

Of course it's not wrong, he's staying with his loving grandparents and will have a ball.
I've done most of the suggestions here, we've gone away with my parents so that they could babysit a couple of evenings, and I've left baby with my parents, first time we stayed 1.5 hours away for 2 nights and met up at a halfway point so I could breastfeed and hand over my pumped milk, second time we went to Europe for 5 nights.
He does come away with just us too (we're currently all in Asia), and we're having a great time even with his nappies, carrier, and other paraphernalia, but the holidays without him give my partner and I chance to properly connect which is lovely and important to me too. And of course we missed him, but it certainly didn't ruin the holiday.

Why not spread the budget by taking a few nights away with your husband, so you’re not just going for a full week and it’s a shock to your little one. And then do a few days away as a family with lots of activities for your little one. There are some really nice UK-based places, like Seal Bay.

Its important for you to have time as a couple but a week sounds quite long to me. And in my experience a few nights away still feels really nice and just long enough ( as the mum guilt inevitably sets in! )

I wouldn't go on holiday to a different country from my young child. I would want to make sure I could get back easily and quickly if I had to.
Also a week is a long time to leave a young child with grandparents. Both for the child and for the grandparents. They may say they are happy to have him but the reality can be very different!
There will be plenty of time to go on adult holidays when he is older. I do believe when children are young it is the parents responsibility to put the child first and to change their idea about holidays for a few years.

We went to the canaries last year for 3 nights without our 2 year old. He absolutely loved staying with his grandparents. We wouldn’t do longer than that though. We also didn’t ask, the grandparents offered.

It's really personal I definitely wouldn't go away without my children but that's purely because I know I wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy it I'd just be on edge !
If you have someone you trust you can leave him with and you think you would be able to switch off then go for it!
We are going away for abroad for the first time since having children this summer and my MIL is Coming plus BIL and his partner so I'm hoping we might get one date night whilst away . If I get half an hour to read on my sunlounger a day I'll be happy!

I can't imagine wanting to go away without my child. Of course holidays can't be relaxing in the same way as before children, but your life has changed. Holidays are a part of building new experiences as a family. Maybe have a nice spa weekend or something closer to home to re-charge your batteries and keep holidays as family time?

No it isn’t wrong at all. My partner and I have one week away every year without our daughter. It started because on that holiday we do something we couldn’t do with a baby and later a toddler (cycling), and it continues now because she’s not got the stamina or interest in joining (she’s 8). It’s somewhat of a pilgrimage for us each year and does us no end of good mentally.

Youre more than just parents, and you need to look after yourselves mentally. Child will have an amazing time with grandparents.

That said our daughter has spent one night every week with each of her sets of grandparents since she was 3 weeks old and has a wonderful, familiar, close and comfortable relationship with them as a result.

Lots of people go away for a holiday without their children.

Just bear in mind it gets easier as they get older so you may not feel it's quite so stressful when he's 4 nearly 5 as when he's 3!!!!

I don't think there is anything wrong with it but maybe see how the holiday you have booked geared towards children goes. You still won't be having nice meals and kicking back with cocktails (unless you use kids clubs which IMO is fine) but you may find it more enjoyable. I love holidays with my children and would prefer that over a couples holiday but they really do need to be in the right place so that the child is entertained.

It's not wrong, but I found a week too long.

Not the exact same, but I left DS6 for a week with his dad and SM, and by day 4, I was desperate to come home.

He did have a bump at school that day which didn't help matters, but I wouldn't have done it again after that.

Maybe a long weekend?

I couldnt I would not enjoy myself at all seeing all the kids having fun and mine were at home ill have plenty of time for adult holidays when they are older . Doesn't mean it's wrong though that's just my perspective

My kids are older now, 7 and 9 and we go away without them maybe once or twice a year but it's usually just for a long weekend while they stay with grandparents. We go away individually with friends once a year too. I remember feeling quite shocked when a local mum told me her husband and her were off to Thailand for a fortnight without the kids (2 and 4 then) while they stayed with grandparents. I don't think they were short of cash mind you. But that aside, I don't think I'd settle for that length of time on the other side of the world.

We love travelling but when the kids were very little, our most successful holidays were self-catering in Devon and Cornwall bucket and spade type holidays. They are young teens now and we have an absolute blast visiting new countries together, they love a city break! I think you need to adjust your expectations.... they won't be little for long.

I think if you can afford a second holiday with your child then this is fine but you shouldn’t prioritise your need for a break over your child having a holiday with you if you can’t afford to do both.
Like you say, limited number of family holidays ahead. Do you want your child’s memories to be getting palmed off on others whilst you went on holiday (regardless of how nice a time they are having, it’s not with you!).
These times are developmental opportunities for your child and support your relationship with them. It does get easier as they get older and look after themselves more.
Maybe the ‘big’ holiday needs to include all the family and then book a separate short break as a couple.