hard to watch very young kids addicted to screens

[fleurneige]

We have several young friends with toddlers, aged between 20 months and 3.5 years- and they all give kids their phone or tablet as soon as they start whining a bit or saying they are bored. Honestly, it is hard to watch how addicted they already are, and having massive tantrums if they don't get phone or tablet when requested.

How do you feel? Thanks for discussion.

Is this occurring when you’re meeting up in a cafe or when your at the park?

Do you have kids? I would've agreed pre-children but now sometimes I understand that sometimes parents just need a moments breathing space and will do anything to save the rest of a restaurant from a toddler tantrum 😅

I’m sure people will justify it or call you judgemental, but I think the constant screens from babyhood is a disgrace. I see it constantly, everywhere and think it’s insane. There’s no good, justified reason for it IMO. Bit of CBeebies here and there, but constant phone watching/Bluey/youtube/always on a screen kids are a ticking time bomb IMO. My kids have friends round who are literally bored senseless within minutes of getting here and whine and moan to be able to go on their devices before they’ve even sat down. We’ve been on holiday a few times with friends whose kids are unlimited with screens. They refused to engage with anything and just whined until they got them.

Yes I do, but all adults now so the constant screen issue was not relevant as they grew up.

Yes, I do understand what you are saying. It starts as a 'bit of quiet time', but soon becomes addiction, and it is sad to see. I have of course never said anything- hence asking for a healty discussion here.

I agree to be honest op. My son is 4 and autistic. He's doesn't have a tablet, only watches bits o my phone if he's in the car and in danger of falling asleep and even then I'm in the back with him chatting about the pictures we're looking at (usually animals) He watches telly (cbeebies or Disney) but again usually we're sat with him chatting about it or at least popping in and out from the kitchen ("what's Bluey up to now?" kind of thing)

In restaurants we chat, look through the menu, draw, line cars up etc. We pick kid friendly places and don't hang around. Have a bit of air outside or leave early if he's struggling.

I've no idea where the idea comes from that it's either a screen or kids screaming and running around either.

I literally see babies with tablets propped up in their buggies and it blows my mind.

I think you're right and it's awful.
My kids are totally addicted to screens but I limit them.

Being bored is so healthy and important, and inspires so much creativity - and I think in society we seem almost afraid of it these days.

My kids have needed yo at numerous events recently where they're the only kids not on screens - I mean a they are because they end up sharing with the other kids a fat er a time. They think it's unfair but I think it's horrific bad manners.

I agree. It's so sad. I work with troubled adolescents and screen addiction is a huge problem. I have a 3 year old and we have a no small screen policy i.e. no phone, ipad etc. We do let him watch some TV though. I think the constant scrolling and flicking between shows/games etc impacts development. It took time for my son to be able to sit 'nicely' in a cafe, and was hard work to achieve, but I am glad we did it. He never whines for my phone because he's never had it!!

Yes agree. I admit I do plonk DCs in front of the tv if I need to get stuff done in the house but out of the house in cafes, etc we’ve never done screens. It was tempting during the toddler stage but we held out and eldest is nearly 6 and can sit and hold a conversation or explore the surroundings. Never asks for the phone. Honestly believe kids are missing out on vital skills and damaging eyes at the same time.

I only judge when there aren’t headphones attached to it so we have to listen to baby shark or whatever YouTube shite they are watching.

other than that, it’s not my business.

I agree. My 9 year old is considered wierd for only just getting a tablet (which she has time limited access to at home only) luckily she doesn't care. She was a nightmare at aged 1 in a restaurant but after we never gave her screens just colouring or took her outside and from aged 2 she could sit and chat. I regularly see toddlers watching a phone in a pushchair instead of watching the cars, dogs, birds etc.

Who is judging - she was asking for a discussion !

Context though? If she’s meeting up with you, you don’t have young kids, maybe she’s desperate for an adult chat without interruption, because whilst it’s perfectly possible to keep kids of those ages entertained in a restaurant it takes an awful lot of work and then she likely couldn’t catch up with you properly. Also there’s a big difference between streaming an age appropriate series; it’s basically just a portable TV at that point, and watching utter shite on you tube kids and going into a weird trance from the dopamine scrolling.

Hard to tell. Maybe you've given off judgy vibes when her children are being children so she feels she needs to keep them quiet and contained.

God it's so bad. Some of my friends kids have to constantly be entertained. They can't be bored or just listen to adults speak for more than 1 minute.
My 4 use screens now and again but not when they were tiny. I didn't really let them watch TV until they were about 4 and then not every day. They were hard work but they learnt to self entertain, all of them are ND so would have been easier but not necessarily better.

I agree. Mine are teens, and I'm glad that I held off as long as I could with screens especially, as pp says, 'small screens'. They watched plenty of CBeebies and the likes but we had a 'no screen' rule including television Monday to Friday. It was baffling easy, partly because they had each other to play with.

I hate seeing little ones in push chairs with a phone propped in front of them. I do sympathise with how demanding and exhausting young children are, and I can imagine the peer pressure of seeing lots of other young children on screens makes it very difficult.

It's hard to set and keep to boundaries - I have very frequent arguments with my teenage son about computer time etc, but it honestly has to be done.

Lockdown probably accelerated screen addiction for a lot of children. It certainly did for adults.

My kids are teenagers and I am so grateful that smartphones didn't exist when they were little or I suspect I could have succumbed too. Instead we made do with small toys and books and having lovely chats.

I must admit I do feel really sad when I see a baby or young toddler out for a walk in their pram but glued to a phone rather than watching the birds or squirrels or chatting to their mum.

I think it's really bad. My kids including my child who is autistic and has ADHD have limited screen access. Seeing babies and toddlers sat in buggies with devices is horrible. They are missing out so much interaction which helps them develop so many vital skills. It's very evident within there peer groups that many kids are addicted to screen. Kids as young as 7 walking straight of of school, gluing themselves to a phone to walk home. Nursery kids demanding them. A lot of terrible behaviour in school is being attributed to kids having inappropriate access to technology and to much of it.

Don’t feel sad.

My daughter is autistic - we often have to resort to screens in the pram and sometimes even walking down the pavement.
I would fucking love her to be enraptured by the joy of nature but alas.
its great to know so many people are looking and thinking what a sad life she has though

Mine is 20 now and I am so glad they were not mainstream until he was older so we were not tempted/sucked into, as I know we probably would have been.

When you have raised a young child without them you can clearly see the impact it is already having on their social development and relationships and a lack of interest or inquisitiveness about the world around them.

Sounds like she wants to have a catch up with you without having to make toddler talk all the time. I think it would be different if you had young children and everyone was doing colouring in, engaging toddlers with talking. Maybe she’s read the posts on here where friends want to catch up with their mate without it being all about the children. Unless you live with them and know how much tv time they have, then I’m not sure you can diagnose addiction.

NOT at all. And I am not here talking about my younger friends actually, but trying to have a general discussion. This is not a 'judgy' post at all.

I can't imagine finding it hard to watch - they are not my kids and I won't have to deal with them, it's of no consequence to me. I confess to feeling a teeny bit smug as I don't use screen time out of the home with the dcs, though that's because I'm very protective of my phone and I don't want them getting used to using it! I do tend to entertain my dcs fairly constantly either by chatting, reading stories or singing so I've not felt the need to use screens... and I generally accept that I won't have any in-depth conversations with DH until the dcs are in bed.

It’s probably because your there and they are trying to give their attention to you or if your out in public they don’t want their child having a meltdown. I had first kids before the advent of mobiles/screens etc and it could be a nightmare, it’s great that if child kicking off now have more to distract them at your disposal. Parents being tired is also a factor too, if I’m tired I’ll put on a programme for little one while I rest. The children do lots of other activities too. It really wasn’t the picture of all engaged calm parents and happy children before the advent of such devices. 1 of my children was the type who would be happily entertained colouring, reading etc and that was great and at times have been able to entertain the others in the same way but not always. I’m thankfully past caring what other people think and now just do what works best for our family

I agree. My DDs are 22 months, and nearly 5, and never have they ever been given a phone/tablet, either in the house or out and about. And my youngest doesn't watch tv.
I'm sure I'll be accused of being judgey, but unless there are additional needs, I don't think it's that difficult. I don't let them shout or cause a nuisance in restaurants - they sit nicely and talk to us or do some colouring, or we take them outside.
I don't judge any parents that I see out and about though, as I don't know the reason.

100% agree. Usually the parents are the same, staring into their phones around their kids. I never let my children watch anything on my phone. They’re 7 now and use the iPad for school. If they say they’re bored, then never get screens. We use them as educational tools and not babysitters. But DH and I also aim to model the screen use we want from them.

I also fly long haul with zero screens (they’re allowed inflight movies) and their behaviour is so much better.